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Original poster

Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

113 replies

Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:25

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/08/2024 14:27

Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 14:14

I know he's a UK tax payer. I know he would pay child support.

I wouldn't be keeping the pregnancy on the basis that I'm counting on him to be around. I know full well it could mean no support with DC3

My ex H is a good man and not a bully. We are now separated due to grief and handing it too differently. Resentment built on my part and I knew I had to separate

He pays for DCs and sees them, but is nowhere near hands on enough to be classed as a joint carer, for example

You don't know that he'd pay child support. Women are shocked every day after twenty year marriages and IVF children, when their ex fucks off to be bever seen again. Do you really think that you having another baby won't stir anything in your ex? You are being very naive.

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 04/08/2024 14:24

I’m so sorry about the loss of you and your ex husband’s first daughter. That makes this especially hard for you to work through.

Take your time and don’t let him push you into anything. I’m really concerned he’s being so pushy.

CornishTiger · 04/08/2024 14:22

Do you claim benefits? You won’t get anything for the third child.

Objectrelations · 04/08/2024 14:19

What a car crash I think you are mad to consider this in any way a good idea.

Do you have form for struggling to think through long term consequences - and what the reality of a fantasy will be like to actually live for the rest of your life???

Greenbananasoup · 04/08/2024 14:17

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 04/08/2024 08:21

Jesus, what a total fucking mess.

Do people who post this sort of snide, unhelpful comment do it to feel better about themselves?

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 14:14

I know he's a UK tax payer. I know he would pay child support.

I wouldn't be keeping the pregnancy on the basis that I'm counting on him to be around. I know full well it could mean no support with DC3

My ex H is a good man and not a bully. We are now separated due to grief and handing it too differently. Resentment built on my part and I knew I had to separate

He pays for DCs and sees them, but is nowhere near hands on enough to be classed as a joint carer, for example

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 04/08/2024 14:09

OP can you raise three children as a single parent - financially, logistically, emotionally?

In between all the excitement and songs, what practical discussions have you had about your relationship and co-parenting? Does he still intend to work in the ME? Would he be providing financially? Would you be a couple? Would he live with you? How does he see the family working with your DC? Could he cope with a non verbal DSS?

memememe · 04/08/2024 14:05

Your youngest has additional needs and they are prob going to get harder to manage for you and him as he grows up, I would consider if I can manage that as well as a new baby. Also what if the new baby has additional needs as well?

Not to mention you aren't even in a committed relationship with this man, I don't think now is the time for a new baby.

PurpleRobe · 04/08/2024 13:55

In your position I would not go ahead with the pregnancy.

You aren't in a relationship with him. You have no idea what he'd be like as a father/ or partner in terms of support.

i would focus on your 2 young children.

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 04/08/2024 13:48

Here goes, tough love coming-

The man is irrelevant. There are various red flags about the situation I’ll bring up in a minute.

The only thing that’s relevant is you, your DC and the pregnancy. What would you do if he were totally absent? If you would keep the pregnancy if he didn’t exist, then go for it, bearing in mind everything you said about your DC.

Right. Him. Red flags- he’s pressuring you to keep a pregnancy with what looks like sod all care for you and your dc. He’s pressuring you to meet his family, while you are feeling ill and vulnerable and uncertain. He got you pregnant bloody fast. So for all those reasons I don’t like him.

IF you want to keep the pregnancy and the man, do it separately. He isn’t ‘Mummy’s partner or boyfriend’. He’s the new baby’s dad so he’ll be visiting the baby. He isn’t part of the family.

In time, he might earn his place in your family but so far he’s earned being kept at a distance imo.

Please be careful. You are very vulnerable, and your DC need you more than anything.

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2024 13:43

Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:37

I am trying to work out those answers. My 2 were excellent sleepers and easy babies, so my experience is a bit Rose tinted with luck. I could end up with a sleepless little monster who has Colic. I do love having just 2 and at times missed having an only child set up. But I absolutely adore my second.

I think I definitely want 'his' baby but need to explore some more as to why that actually is

I want to make sure I am doing this for the right reasons, or at least reasonable ones before I know for sure

Show quote history

What sort of relationship will the two of you have going forward?

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 04/08/2024 13:40

Yes, my immediate concern is my current DC. Which is why I am taking time to really consider everything

It is really hard because I also need to consider if I can emotionally recover from a termination if I don't want one emotionally

OP posts:
TheShiningCarpet · 04/08/2024 12:17

please think of your existing children....this could go badly wrong for multiple people

Choochoo21 · 04/08/2024 12:06

BikesIHaveLost · 04/08/2024 07:39

So you’re recently divorced, accidentally pregnant by your former teenage boyfriend, with whom you don’t appear to be in a committed relationship, and who works overseas, and whose only response to the pregnancy has been silliness and saying he’ll tell his parents and wanting you to meet themto apparently pressure you into continuing the pregnancy? AND you have two children, at least one of whom would struggle if her mother had a baby by a total stranger?

You’d be crazy to continue this pregnancy.

I agree!

I assumed they were both teenagers until I read that OP has kids already.

They both sound immature and this guy makes me cringe and I’ve never even met him!

His actions and his immature responses (not just the silly phrases but begging OP to keep it instead of having a mature discussion and telling her he’ll support her either way or discussing how he’s going to support her from a different country etc) tells me he is not someone you want to have a baby with.

Bluetrews25 · 04/08/2024 11:57

So he's reawoken your teenage crush feelings (that's why you want to have his baaaaybeee).
But you are an adult now, with 2DCs, one of whom has SN.
And you think it would be a good idea to have a baby with your teen crush?

This is real life, not a film.
Real life will continue after the credits roll.
And it's very unlikely to be the fluffy soft focus that you want (I can see why you want that ending - divorce, single parenting, child with SN - it's hard! - why would you NOT want a big strong man to rescue you? - but, newsflash, it's not going to be with this bloke)

Please
Step away from your teen self
This has disaster all over it.

Summerbay23 · 04/08/2024 11:42

TipsyMaker · 03/08/2024 23:34

I think you need to decide whether to keep the baby or not before anything else

This.
Also, how long have you actually been together? If he hasn’t met your children yet th It sounds like early days? You need to think about whether you can raise the baby alone (which is likely if he works overseas a lot).

Decide what you want and then involve everyone else. Definitely don’t meet his family yet.

Caterina99 · 04/08/2024 11:35

I think you need to think about your current children. It’s quite likely you will end up a single parent to this new baby. How will that affect them?

Boater · 04/08/2024 11:29

ImaginaryLobster · 04/08/2024 10:40

@Boater I do understand that but shaming OP about what has happened isn't giving her help
Alot of judgment and shame, which is known why to make someone feel more alone in a situation
OP is an adult and needs people to kindly say ot her is this a situation that u and your children will thrive in or struggle

Can be honest and not be so judgemental but seem alot people on MN are very good at the judgement part

And what are the chance of thriving versus struggling?

TheSerenePinkOrca · 04/08/2024 11:28

BikesIHaveLost · 04/08/2024 07:39

So you’re recently divorced, accidentally pregnant by your former teenage boyfriend, with whom you don’t appear to be in a committed relationship, and who works overseas, and whose only response to the pregnancy has been silliness and saying he’ll tell his parents and wanting you to meet themto apparently pressure you into continuing the pregnancy? AND you have two children, at least one of whom would struggle if her mother had a baby by a total stranger?

You’d be crazy to continue this pregnancy.

100% this!

The whole thing sounds rather creepy and absolutely NOT putting the two children first.

@Maybeitismilkagain how did the pregnancy occur? Were you using contraception???

Getonwitit · 04/08/2024 11:17

What a bloody mess the pair of you have created. You both sound immature. I can't believe you are even considering bringing a child into your chaotic life.

HideousKinky · 04/08/2024 11:04

preggy with a fertilised eggy 🙄

what else would you be pregnant with?

lanadelcake · 04/08/2024 10:51

I honestly don't think it sounds like a good set-up. It's all just much too soon.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Hectorscalling · 04/08/2024 10:49

Honestly, Op you need to think about your existing kids?

You say just divorced? How long? How long since you split?

You have ended a relationship, gone through all that and now will be introducing a new man and a new baby in quick succession.

its a lot. And it’s ok with him saying stupid shit about being preggy. But this is going to fall to you mainly. Not him.

SpilltheTea · 04/08/2024 10:48

You need to decide if you want the baby first and how that would work out practically, especially with your partner's work situation. It doesn't seem like he's thought it through at all.
I was your daughter in this situation growing up and it is extremely difficult to adjust to so much change all at once. It's a difficult situation and I do really feel for you.

Choochoo21 · 04/08/2024 10:40

How old are you both?
And how long have you been together?

This just seems way too intense.
You’ve not even met his family yet and you’re already having his baby (I know it wasn’t planned).

I can’t help but think he’s going to drop you and then you’ll be left on your own with 3 kids and even less chance to date in the future.

A baby does not make a relationship work.
It actually breaks many relationships and you’re not even in one yet.

If it was me, I would have a termination and if in 6-12 months time you and him are in a proper relationship, then consider TTC.