Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

I'd really, really like to have this baby.

Do you want a baby or this man?
Because it’s likely you can’t have both.

Take a few days to think about your choices and if you do decide to terminate then I would definitely say it wasn’t a viable pregnancy.
He doesn’t sound like the type to offer you support for a termination (and surely that’s all you need to know about this man).

If a baby is what you really want, then perhaps look into sperm donation.
There will be a lot less issues having a baby with an anonymous stranger than having one with someone you barely know but is involved and perhaps may make things difficult for you.

It sounds like you have a nice little family unit already and I personally wouldn’t want to do anything to disrupt it.

OP in your shoes I would terminate. But your head and your heart are pulling in different directions.

I think you should speak to a counsellor before doing anything. Perhaps Marie Stopes or another family planning charity can put you in touch with someone.

my personal opinion is that this is the best decision.

I think you have got carried away with what this really is. It’s meant to be fun. You can relive your youth and think it’s a story of people being destined together. But it’s not. This is real life.

When he said ‘but it’s my baby please keep it’ did he think about or understand the impact on you or your kids?

Why does he want you to have ‘his baby’, would he go for custody? Are you even a couple? Seems a lot of unknowns

I’m sorry you’re so upset by this but think it best you make your decision based on your existing children, as you say. All the best x

I agree it’s private. It really is.

It sounds like you and ex H went through awful trauma, splitting up through unresolved grief and seeing this baby as some kind of sign suggests you haven't fully worked through it. I'm so sorry.

With two small children, one non verbal and special needs, that's a huge amount for you to deal with. And the thought that you're pregnant by a man they don't know feels odd.

But you know him and have for a long time. I assume he has no children and is over the moon at the thought of family future with you.

I'd bet he's already told his family.

So your decision is

Do you love him?

Is he father material?

Do you see yourself and your children spending the rest of your lives with him?

Would he treat your children and his equally?

Would his parents do the same?

The usual financial and practical considerations about bills and living arrangements and so on - can you afford another child?

Are you ok with another pregnancy, child birth, feeding, toddler stage etc etc etc ?

Practical consideration - you know how badly sickness can affect you, sounds like he hasn't a clue.

Personally I'd put off the meet the family, think deeply about what you want to, and tell him before strangers get involved with your decisions about your body.

Whatever happens, you both need to sort out some contraception if you weren’t actually planning a third child.

To go back to the original question. The only way his mother would know would be if he had told her, unfairly to pressure your decision and commitment. Do not put yourself in that position. Are you also sure there is no other partner back in ME?

Yeah not so much of a blessing for the non verbal SEN boy who has already had his world turned upside down through divorce and needs all the support he can get. He doesn’t need his mum having a baby with some random guy.

Yikes. You have a non verbal child with SEN and you’ve recently gotten divorced and this guy doesn’t even know your kids. He also sounds really immature so how do you think it’s all going to go? Are you planning on moving in with him? Or what? If I was your kids when I was older, I’d look back and think you were really selfish to subject them to this at this point in their lives. Do yourself a favour, have a termination, cut ties with this guy and don’t meet his parents. Lock down your contraception 100% if you have another relationship.

As for your question no I don’t think his mum will guess that you are pregnant. But i wouldn’t put it past him to have told his family about it so seriously get yourself out of this situation.

No, a baby is not a blessing in all situations, what a bizarre thing to say. And as for babies needing pricey things - are you aware that they grow up, and become very very expensive?

This is just a game to him, I think. His life won't change, while you do all the hard work birthing and bringing up 'his baby' while he swans in and out like Disney dad.

If he was genuinely serious about this, he'd be talking about timescales and how to become a family. He'd be talking about marriage and about developing his relationship with your older two kids, and becoming their stepdad. He'd be talking living arrangements.

Has any of that happened, or is it just the 'preggy with a fertilised eggy' stuff?

Don't think about him, don't even think about you for a moment. What is best for your two existing children? I think we should always prioritise our current children over any potential future.

They've had a great deal of upheaval; presumably the eldest is aware of his lost sister as well as the divorce, plus of course his additional needs. DD3 has a sibling with additional needs that will impact her all her life, and is feeling clingy - presumably because she's had change in her short life and wants security.

A pregnancy and a newborn to their single parent life, a bloke they don't know joining the family unit so soon (however tenuously at first)... is this really the best and most loving choice for your children?

It may be that this casual, long distance relationship will become a more serious thing. That would be lovely. If and when that is the case, that's the sensible time to be thinking about whether to introduce a third child into your life.

Preggy with a fertilized eggy has given me the ick for you! Having 3 kids is hard work and from the small snippet you have told us about him he doesn't sound very mature and somewhat manipulative, as hard as it is this baby is not a sign and i think it is going to cause you and your children a lot of additional stress.

People always say that the dads will pay.

The reality is very different especially if they are self employed.

Sounds really childish doesn't it.

Do you really want to be tied for life to someone who says preggy with a little eggy? 🤢

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your first daughter. However, on a realistic and unemotional stand point I'm afraid I think you'll find out that no matter what he has said that he won't pay child support. Or if he did, it wouldn't be all the way until the child was 18. You don't have a fully committed relationship, you haven't even lived together to find out what kind of a man he is in the day to day reality of life with three children, two of which aren't his. At the moment, with him being away so often, it's all light and fun and romantic.

Would he come back and work permanently from the UK? How long is he away for at the time? And whereabouts in the Middle East does he work? Where does he live when he is there and when he is back in the UK?

If he wants to be in his child's life, which he would have a right to be, how on earth are you going to manage that but yet not let your daughter meet him for a year? Logistically that is going to be a nightmare, especially with an SEN child in the mix. What happens if he takes you to court for 50/50 custody? Will you be able to cope with that? What happens if he wants to be a proper couple, proposes and everything? What about your poor daughter?

I think you have so many things to think about and it absolutely comes down to you and I totally understand the emotional thoughts you are having about an abortion, but you do need to consider the children you already have and their possible emotional distress if you bring another child and its father into the mix. As their mum, their emotional well being absolutely has to come before your own and certainly before the wishes of the father and if that means an abortion, then being harsh, that is something for you to wrestle with.

You both sound really naive and a bit dim, frankly. I know that's harsh, but I don't know what else to say about someone who has two kids from one relationship and then randomly gets pregnant with an old flame who does not sound like he is going to be a committed parent, and openly says they find this situation "thrilling" despite the lack of marriage/stable relationship and the fact that one of her kids has SN and both kids are dealing with the complexity of their parents' divorce.

From the way you wrote this post, it sounded like you were teenagers.
It was only the mention of a divorce that made me realise you're adults.
You both sound very immature and I would not have a child with him.
Focus on the children you already have.

Exactly this. You sound as though you’re about 14.

You don’t know he would pay child support. Married men who have planned for and raised their children weasel out of paying when they split from the mother. A lot of men are emotionally able to leave families and parental responsibility behind.

You’ll get CMS if he’s a UK taxpayer. If he changes job and doesn’t pay tax here (like most in the ME), you won’t be entitled to CMS. Don’t factor any contribution from him into your planning. Just see it as a bonus.

So what do you think is best for your current DC? To terminate or not terminate this pregnancy. It's one or the other? It's not easy, no one is saying it's easy, but what is the most important thing to consider in all of this.