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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give 18 year old a curfew?

132 replies

Lilysienna1 · 03/08/2024 23:24

Help me out please, wise mumsnetters that have crossed the line into parenting ‘adult’ children… 😀

DD1 very recently turned 18…. and last night she went out to a few bars with friends and when I said to be home at midnight, she looked like I had uttered the worst and most ridiculous words she’s ever heard in her life.

and she came rolling in at 3am.

Just a week ago, she had rules and curfews. I can’t quite get my head round the huge jump from that to apparently being expected to let her do whatever she wants, whenever she wants now that she’s a week older.

I know she’s now classed as an adult… but she’s still a teenager living at home. Help me get to grips with this please, how do I let her go. The world is a scary place and I’m not ready. 😭

AI really BU to give her a curfew??

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 03/08/2024 23:30

Exactly what @Summerbay23 said.
It's hard I know. Hopefully she will understand you are coming from a place of love and concern.

Summerbay23 · 03/08/2024 23:29

Lilysienna1 · 03/08/2024 23:28

So does it just automatically go from having rules / curfews etc to nothing at all, on the day of their 18th birthday?

Show quote history

Not necessarily instantly because of school/college (depending on when they turn 18) but as it’s the holidays then yes I’m afraid so.

Saltedbutter · 03/08/2024 23:29

Lilysienna1 · 03/08/2024 23:28

So does it just automatically go from having rules / curfews etc to nothing at all, on the day of their 18th birthday?

Show quote history

Yes. They’re an adult. If you haven’t already prepared them to be an adult then that’s on you.

I think it’s reasonable to have some ‘house rules’ including not disturbing people when they come in but I think a curfew is massively overstepping.

Original poster
Lilysienna1 · 03/08/2024 23:29

Summerbay23 · 03/08/2024 23:27

Sorry but I don’t think you can give her a curfew, just talk to her about getting home safely (preferably with a friend). Ask her to stay in contact so you know her plans. And hope by now she’s able to make sensible choices. I have a DD of exactly the same age so I do understand but they are adults.

so am I least reasonable to hate this, even though I know she is an adult now and I just have to accept that I have no say in what she does anymore 😭 it’s just a horrible feeling, worried about where she is and if she’s safe. Arghhh

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilysienna1 · 03/08/2024 23:28

snowballsintheoven · 03/08/2024 23:26

Yes. YABU.

So does it just automatically go from having rules / curfews etc to nothing at all, on the day of their 18th birthday?

OP posts:
Summerbay23 · 03/08/2024 23:27

Sorry but I don’t think you can give her a curfew, just talk to her about getting home safely (preferably with a friend). Ask her to stay in contact so you know her plans. And hope by now she’s able to make sensible choices. I have a DD of exactly the same age so I do understand but they are adults.

snowballsintheoven · 03/08/2024 23:26

Yes. YABU.

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