To give 18 year old a curfew?

Well staying out beyond 11pm, making own way home, house parties and drinking. All thing most 17 year olds do.

Maybe I'm reading this through the lense of my own teens, but I was a uni living independently at 16, nearly 17, I was out clubbing and partying until all hours. 18 is absolutely an adult.

Imo I'd encourage her to let you know how she's getting home and rough time, but not a curfew. If you impose too many rules she'll resent you for it. I'd have paid no attention to a curfew at 18, but if I was at home I'd have courtesy to let my mum know if and when to expect me home.

Wow. I’m surprised she never pushed back on this. I’m sorry but you have been unreasonable… as you were so controlling before, she will relish the freedom she now has. She should stay out and enjoy herself without you pestering her or trying to tell her to be back at midnight.

My 17 year old is at w festival this weekend. I have no idea what he is up to had short text yesterday .

i ask he gives me a rough idea when he is coming home and lets me know if plans change .

its a scary time as parents. … you won’t sleep properly till she is home .. you need to let her grow .

LOL. I’d have totally ignored you too.

You have to let go a bit now. I get it- my DS is 22 now and still lives at home. He doesn't go out much but there is no curfew. Rules we have had since he was around 16 are

Stick with your friends always- do not wander off on your own and look out for each other.

Never try and walk home from town on your own- it's only 2 miles but through v high crime/red light district and always have enough money for a taxi home. If you spend all your money I will pay for your taxi.

Text me if you are not coming home at all (only from 18 that one) - make sure you are safe and never stay stay at a randoms house.

Whatever happens we will come and get you if you end up stuck somehow.

He has so far made the right decisions- came home pissed a few times at 2am - but then DH and I are often up on a Saturday til that time as we like to pretend we are still party animals!

DS is far more sensible than either me or his dad were at his age. Oh last thing- do not bring anyone home we have not met before - book in a hotel if you like but I don't want other people roaming the house. Fine if we already know them- and be quiet.

So does it just automatically go from having rules / curfews etc to nothing at all, on the day of their 18th birthday?

If you haven't been gradually leading up to this then yes. But you should have tbh - for her sake.

Sounds like my DS 🤪 but on the positive side she’s contacted you and is fine. It’s a really hard part of parenting. Just reply saying “have a great time but make sure you get home safely, don’t be on your own”

I’m 41, I moved back to my mums (2 kids in tow) during the process of having sold my house and new house not being ready.

The rule was that if I went out, just to let her know if I would be back late or not at all - same as when I was 18!

She’s an adult so I don’t think you can put a curfew onto her - but maybe some house rules so you know when she’s coming/going.

She's 18, she's an adult. I'm surprised she had a curfew even at 17 tbh. It feels a bit controlling.

As long as she's not disrupting the whole house when she rolls in at 4am.or whatever, I don't think I would impose a curfew.

She's now legally responsible for her own decisions, terrifying though it is, as a parent. I completely sympathise. All you can do is tell her to be careful and sensible. It's not so much the time of night that concerns me, as where they go and who with.

I think if she's still living or staying at home, you're perfectly within your rights to still require her to tell you exactly where she's going and who with; also that you don't want to be woken up when she comes in at 3 in the morning unless it's an emergency.

Look, she's 18, she's a grown up. Only just but still, in her eyes, she has passed the magical threshold. I would approach it in terms of respectfulness. If she is going out late it is respectful to come in quietly. Or to let you know at a reasonable time if she is not coming in at all. It's not respectful to bring random people home, or leave a trail of destruction as she comes in, or leave the remains of her kebab ground into the sheepskin rug. You get the idea. She's a grown up now, whether you want her to be or not. Approach her like a grown up. Let her show you she can behave like a grown up.

If she's just left sixth form, is she going to university? If so, this is a crucial transition period to adult responsibility. It sounds as though it's crept up on you so far, but you have time to make up for it this summer.

I'd stopped curfews before 18 but I did have a communicative, resonable relationship with DD. Your DD is now 18 so you can't ease into it, but a curfew is inappropriate. Work on maintaining a good open communication style about where she is how she is getting home. It's hard and you will worry. Is she going to uni in Sept as you need her to do this while she still has you at home before heading to.uni/work.

I don't think I had rules/curfews for mine at 17 really either, it was a gradual process, not one week they're 17 and the next week they're 18. But that said of course, legally the places they can go at 18 are different to those they can go at 17.

So interesting you have posted this. My young adult dc has gone in a couple of weeks from never leaving the house to rolling in in the middle of the night and I know I'm unreasonable but I can't help being annoyed by it
She's unable to go out to the cinema or for food without it turning into an all nighter. I worry more because she's so vulnerable but doesn't think she is.

I think what's also annoying me more is she will not be left in the house on her own and complains when I go out and leave her for a short time (she has some SEND) so I have been trapped in the house and now she's out living her best life and I'm a Bit miffed too.

It's hard but you have to trust them. If you've done your job right then they might make a few stupid mistakes but they will learn from them and mostly they will be absolutely fine.
They don't want anything bad to happen to them at LEAST as badly as you don't. Just trust and have faith.

Yes you are reasonable to worry (I do constantly) but you have to accept them living their own life, having their own experiences and embracing the world around them. It’s normal to still worry though.

I'm not voting as YA neither being reasonable nor unreasonable.
You have to work out what you are comfortable with and talk with her and listen to her about how you can work things out.

Mine never had a time curfew.
We talked with them (long before they turned 18) about what was reasonable. About how they could keep themselves safe. About how they were getting home. About whether they could get up for work the next day.

I wouldn't expect them to be home by midnight at 18, if they were going for a night out, no. Like I wasn't home by midnight when I was 18 and on a night out.

I find it odd that up until now she has never been out late at a party or something.

Yes, she needs to think about the impact on the rest of the household, and how quietly she can come in, and how to do what she can to alleviate your worries, but a blanket 'expect to be in by midnight' is definitely unreasonable.