To give 18 year old a curfew?

If it was a son, would you be giving the same rules at 18 ?

From my experience, males are given much more freedom

I gets easier I promise. Let her show you that you can trust her to look after herself- sounds like she hasn't given you any reason not to so far!

It gets easier when you know they are sticking to the rules!
I used to lay awake and shout goodnight to her as I heard her come in.
Then slowly slowly we got to the point where I’d check her shoes were there when I got up. As she was getting in at 3 and I was getting up at 6, it felt ok!
Oh, one last rule.
If you stay out, send a text.

Mine are 26 -20. At 17 they didn't have curfews. Leading up 15 -16 lots of talks and seeing if they would stick with our agreements. -they did.. By 17 curfews stopped and they have all had some late home nights but in truth I've never worried. They have all 4 been great at communicating where they were and when they would be home.

At 17 I'd never have given a 11 pm bedtime. By then I feel they need to have that under control themselves. How else can they hold down a job/go to uni and function like adults if I have not supported them to become an adult?

It is difficult !
I am in the same boat, dd turned 18 in June. She stays out to 3/4am most nights. Come September she will either be going to university (depending on her results) or taking a gap year where she will work full time. I hope a full time job will encourage her to be in more/ come home earlier to sleep.

So you've made her come in early before her 18th? Oh OP, no wonder you're finding this hard.

You've done nothing to prepare yourself. Growing up is a process, not a birthday. She should have been able to stay out later the older she got.

My DD turned 18 3 weeks ago. She had been out until 2am prior to this. For her 18th, she stayed in.

You've got to let them grow up. YABVU.

Yeah, YABU.
At 18 she is legally an adult. I'm not sure how you can justify giving her a midnight curfew when she can get a mortgage at this age, get married, start a business, travel. Do whatever she likes and what every adult can do.

This is where you should have prepared yourself. Go out with your friends, get a hobby, live your life.
It all changes now. It's more safety talks and be respectful when you stumble in drunk please. If you become overbearing she will leave and you may find she doesn't come visit or contact you much. You don't need to message her 3 times in a night asking where she is. Something like " hey sweetheart, could you drop me a text when you get home so I can see it in the morning when I wake up ". That's all that's needed.

For a while you will lie awake til you hear her come in. You might even get up once or twice to hold her hair whilst she hurls. Eventually you’ll get used to it. Mine are 22 and 20 and I don’t even hear the Uber pull up any more. It’s for us to adjust. That said, you can hoover as early as you like in your own home…

You never stop worrying - my 20yo DS and 9 mates are camping somewhere in the midlands this weekend with shed loads of alcohol!

My 18yo DD has no curfew she is often out till 3/4am, she doesn’t go out till 11 - so midnight is totally unrealistic!!

The worry doesn’t really go I am afraid you just have to keep communicating with them and hope they take some of the advice in!! I just ask that they all stick together so no one gets a cab alone, and they keep their 360 on just in case they need us.

You said she’s more ready than you, but that’s because you have brought her up to be an independent woman. Go you!
These are the rules I had when mine were that age:

Don’t wake the house up

Leave your shoes in the hallway so I know you’re safe in bed!

Lock the door

Get home safely - there is an emergency £20 note on the bookshelf in case you run out of money

Ring any time, day or night and for the rest of your life, if you need me

Yep, this. It’s only 11pm and you’ve texted her 3 times? If that was my DD she’d simply ignore me by that point (and I wouldn’t blame her). Massively overstepping OP. What do you think is going to happen?

I think we started moving away from having a curfew at 16+ and it became more of a case by case basis - it's more of a negotiation. At 17/18 I would still want to know where they were and what time-ish they'd be home but I wasn't insisting they were home at a certain time. Once they're off to Uni you won't know where they are or what time they stay out til. At 18 you have to trust that you've done a good enough job to trust them to make sensible decisions most of the time!

No. Like every stage in life, you build things up, gradually, so they are ready for it.
It is really odd that you have had some rigid time that you have expected her to be home by, up until now.

I’ve messaged her 3 times tonight to ask where she is, just to check she’s ok.

Wow. YABVVVU with that. How to chase her away. She has been really patient with you tonight, but seriously, you are sounding very OTT now.

My DS is nearly 20, from about 17, I started relaxing curfews etc. I think you become more an advisor than rule maker as they get older. He lived out his 1st year of Uni and obviously I have no idea what he got up to, he has come back home and will commute now and there is no curfew, he will tell me where he's going, just common courtesy, but that's about it. You're going to have to let go, but if you'd started relaxing curfews earlier it would have made this transition easier for you. He also does his own washing and cooking.

Why are you trying to treat an adult like a child?

Most likely.
I think asking her to check in with a quick text to let you know she’s ok if it goes past 12/1am is perfectly ok. That way you can settle a little.
I’d make sure you don’t stop her coming home in the early hours as the risk is she’ll end up putting herself in uncomfortable situations when she’d just rather be coming home to her own bed.