To give 18 year old a curfew?

Well I think you should have been relaxing the rules and curfew a long time before now, time to leave her be and stop all the messaging

Get a grip! If you've raised her properly and it sounds like you have, if a little sheltered, her mates can't 'make' her do anything. She is an adult. Calm down, have a drink yourself and Put. The phone. Down.

Good timing of this thread for me. My youngest is 18, I ask him what sort of time he’s going to be home and ask him to let me know if it’s any different. That usually works but we’ve had to have words today. Last night he told me he would be home around 1am, he actually got home at 10am. He fell asleep at his friends house, his parents are away, and decided to stay overnight. Which would have been fine if I had known, but waking up to find his room empty at 8 this morning and not knowing if he was ok was scary. Hopefully he understands that it’s easier to let me know if he’s going to be later than planned or is not coming. It’s silly really, there’s only two of us so he knows I text him if I am going to be late so should realise it goes both ways.
A pp suggested the rules might be different for girls v boys, I’ve never worried about my dd (21) because she is so much better at communicating where she’s going and who with etc, she also did most of her going out from uni so I wasn’t waiting to hear the key in the door.
YABU to give her a curfew.
YANBU to worry.

Have not RTFT so might be repeating this but when I was a young adult and used to work evenings so often got home past one AM, my mom asked me to shove a piece of card under my parents' bedroom door when I got in so that when she got up for the loo in the middle of the night she could see I'd got home without needing to come looking for me. This might help you at least try and get some sleep when she goes out, rather than waiting up biting your nails.

I do get it, OP.

My dad visibly cringes to death when I talk about online dating, for reasons similar to yours I'm sure (what if he's dangerous, I don't know him etc), and I am 27! To him it doesn't matter how old I am, though, because I am still his 'little' girl - I'm sure you feel the same.

However you stressing yourself over it, imposing curfews, texting her all night, giving her a talking to about sex/danger won't make a blind bit of difference. If she's going to make daft choices (and she will, at some point), she'll make them with or without your blessing - and will most likely be absolutely fine afterwards, if a little bit hungover/embarrassed.

You're in a transitional period now where you just have to accept that her choices are hers to make, and you can only hope that she makes mostly sensible ones!

It's hard letting them go and watching them go from your babies to adults, especially with daughters I think. Especially remembering what I was like at that age good lord.

Mine is 16 and we don't have a curfew anymore in the holidays, she's done house parties, gigs, and one festival with a group of friends. I've been worried the entire time but you've got to let them go. The horse has already bolted in your case but you have to start gradually loosening the reins as they get closer to adulthood, so it's not such an abrupt change when they turn 18 and fling themselves gung-ho into the adult world. I feel like I've done everything I can to prepare and I'm still dreading the day she goes, I doubt I'll ever be ready for her to be an adult, but that's just part of being a parent!

If it's any consolation I'm in my 30's, happily married, own home, and my mam still expects me to text her when I get home safe after a night out!

OP, I mean this kindly - you are massively overstepping.

She's an adult - as long as she's not being disrespectful (coming in at all hours making noise), you'd be unreasonable to have an input at all.

It's also none of your business who she has sex with. She could choose to have a one night stand, and that's her prerogative - so long as it's not happening in your house. She's old enough to know about the risks, and how to protect herself.

You cannot project all your anxieties onto your now adult daughter, nor can you infantilise her forever. If you try to, you will just drive a big fat wedge in between the two of you.

I started going out at 17 and I'd even have scoffed at a 12 curfew then, tbh - at 12 the night had barely started when I was that age!

At that age its more about having a discussion together and coming up with general house rules together. Rules that are a compromise and based around mutual respect.
It's a shared home so she needs to be respectful regarding other people's sleep.. so no coming in making loads of noise when other people are asleep.. obviously stuff like not bringing strangers back to the house and asking if she wants to bring a friend back, to make sure that's convenient for everyone.
Asking her to let you know roughly where she's going and if she will be coming back or not as you don't want to be worrying.
But no I don't think that at 18 you can decide what time she has to be home and just tell her she has to be home... she's an adult. Would you allow someone to give you a curfew??

Your daughter needs to have the skills to work out what is best for her or she might rebel and you don’t want her rebelling at 18 where she can go to clubs every night, meet men, stay out all night etc. She’s 18 you don’t have that control now. Back off, tell her she can always ring you if she needs you. If something is going to happen it will happen no matter how many times you text her. Just ask her to text you when she is in or at a friends house so if you wake up you can check your phone to see if she is at home. Worrying while being tired is the worst thing and also spoils the next day.

This is getting silly now. Just stop it.

My ds is now 21 but even when he was 16 he did not have a curfew because he was always sensible, I trusted him completely and he always stayed in touch with me. That was our main rule to be honest.

he is autistic and has anxiety and has a huge group of brilliant friends and he never walked the streets or anything like that so when he was out I tended to know where ie a party or a pub etc when older than 16. He doesn’t drink and even if he did it wouldn’t change my opinion that he didn’t need a curfew. He’s never ever taken the piss and I don’t worry about him too much.

lads holidays abroad from the age of 18- that’s when I worried 😊

18 year olds do not need a curfew.

She sounds absolutely a lovely young woman and sensible.. If you are a single parent, and she is your only child, I get why you are worried- but mums of sons worry just as much {they too can get into dangers} but mercifully most don't if they are sensible.

I remember the relief of the sound of key in the door at 2 am!

As PP have said

No curfew
But as she is living under your roof you would simply like a text at whatever time saying ' mum still out will likely be home around 3:30, I will text you if plans change' or ' mum going to stay at Ella's house tonight will text you when I get there'

Some May Day this is still too much to expect from an adult at 18 but I just think it's respectful to let your worrying mother know your not passed out drunk somewhere.

Also of course no waking anyone else up when she comes in. That's a given

For the love of god, @Lilysienna1, DO NOT MESSAGE AGAIN! You’ll look like a lunatic and she’ll start ignoring you. Just make yourself a cuppa instead.

My DD is just a few months older than your daughter. She headed out at half ten with her friend to a couple of bars in the city tonight. She’ll probably rock up around 2:30 or 3.

That’s ok. It’s summer, she has no commitments tomorrow and she can sleep in, and she’s bright and capable.

It’s hard letting go. But she’s the fab, capable young woman you raised, so have faith in her.

Most parents gradually lift the curfew before their children reach eighteen. It is obviously 'overnight' for the op.

The girl won't be out until 3am all the time, just occasionally.

I’m probably going against the norm here, but, when my youngest (now 21) was 17, he had to adhere to our rules, he was to be home by midnight or the door would be locked up, we still had to get up early in the morning so didn’t need to be up all night waiting for him to get home to lock up, I think older teens need to know that we worry about them and need to know they are safe before we can relax and go to sleep

Hello OP, I understand how you feel. I have 2 sons now in their 20's. The transition from child to adult in one day isn't especially logical. It is quite arbitrary, but it has to be. As a society we've picked a point at which people can be considered adults and your DD has passed it.

Your DD is now legally an adult and can lawfully go to venues that serve booze and stay open late, amongst other things. That's the law of the land and rightly it offers her the same liberties we all enjoy.

As such, it is unreasonable to curfew her. You can't. Really.

However, with rights come responsibilities. It's not unreasonable for you to set ground rules in your home, such as being told if she plans to be out late or if her plans change to be made aware. It's not unreasonable for her to stay out late but it is reasonable for you to expect her to avoid waking anyone else on return, for example. Ultimately, she can do as she wishes as long as it doesn't disrupt or disadvantage anyone else. It's reasonable for you to hold her to that.

I don't know if your DD is in education or work, but it's also reasonable for you to set some rules around expectations regarding that. Is she paying board? If not, does she receive an allowance from you? I could afford not to charge board but I made them pay into a fund that they could take once they left home. Does your DD contribute to maintaining the home in time and effort? As adults we all have to chip in a bit when it comes to cleaning, decorating and so on.

In the end, you want her to thrive, and she can't do that if she's being treated as a child under your roof with curfews etc. She is also unlikely to thrive if she's permitted to set all her own rules - as adults may - but kept financially and domestically like a child. I think this is one of the toughest parts of parenting and easiest to get wrong. Ultimately you must still set boundaries, and they must be revised as circumstances change, but you must respect her autonomy. She can't learn to get it right if she isn't given room to make mistakes.

She will leave home one day, all being well. And whether she shares a place with house mates or colleagues, has her own family, neighbours, lives alone in 20 acres of woodland, whatever... She'll be fine if she has good guidance.

It's hard to loosen the grip but it is important to do so. Congratulations on your DD becoming a woman. Good luck, OP.

What you're going to end up doing is driving her away.

Stop texting her. It's okay to worry but stop smothering her.

My children were out and about in 6th form, Abosolutely no restrictions.All were fine.

regarding her having sex, Keep a supply of condoms in the medicine chest and say ''help yourself''...I did this with son, and said his friends could help themselves, too {Condoms were /are free from a young person's charity}.