Saying no to childcare in the holidays

Something along the lines of ,,, hi, I can’t look after Peter and Paul becouse I have made plans for the summer holiday which can’t be changed and 6 kids on my own is not something I had planned for or am comfortable with, Here are some links to a couple of summer clubs or you could try the school WhatsApp group for ideas. Good luck I’m sure you’ll find some fun for the kids….. make sure you use the kids names and not just “your kids” as it could sound like it’s about her. Address it to both parents and don’t apologise. Remember you don’t need to justify yourself and don’t get drawn into an argument. No is no

Great news OP!

Glad to hear it. Please keep us posted if you feel like it. I'd like to know if you get any sort of apology from them or your FIL.

It’s only judgemental of other mothers if they buy into misogynistic crap about expectations on women. My kids are older now so maybe what I do is just accepted/ set and I don’t find it offensive in the slightest.

OP good update. Good news the CFers have properly piped down.

I second this. So many problems on MN are a result of unsupportive, weak partners.

Glad your DH is supporting you on this. Going forward, stick to your guns and ignore all future emotional blackmail. Enjoy tomorrow and then the rest of the holidays with YOUR children xxx

Good stuff!

Good-hopefully they are making plans!

Where are their kids the rest of the week, @Aprilmaymum ?

That's great! Hope you have a lovely, quiet day tomorrow. 🙂

Prepare for next week's saga..

Well done @Aprilmaymum ! Great to hear 👏

There is clearly a failure to plan for child care during the summer holidays from your BIL & SIL. There's no way you can compensate for this lack of planning. I think it's fair to step in occasionally when there's an emergency or an unforeseen change of circumstances but that's not the case here. I think there's a deliberate - possibly somewhat unconscious - calculation to save on childcare costs by dumping the kids on you so they can afford things like trips to the US in term time. They also seem to actively try to poison your relationship with their kids by telling them you said no to having them round (not really appropriate in my view to tell them this). But the upside is if they actively try to foster hostility towards you you are unable to look after the kids even in emergencies. Oh dear.

And her friends had me and my siblings over too

So, nothing at all like this situation with the OP’s sister in law then.

This is fair enough. My mum used to love her friends kids coming over for the day and she had/has 3 of her own. And her friends had me and my siblings over too including one woman who had 5 kids - thankfully we were all amazingly well behaved kids so that may have helped lol the only issue here is simply that she seems entitled to OPs help and is even insisting on it. That would instantly make me say no.

This!!
I get so sick of people planning somebody else’s life for them when they sit back and do nothing themselves! You are under no obligation to look after anybody’s children especially when you have three of your own as that must be challenging at the best of times. It’s a full on job! You have nothing to feel guilty about! Your BIL needs to wind his neck in and your DH needs to back you up!

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest as long as it wasn’t an expected yes. I find it easier for my 3 to be entertained by their cousins/friends.

For 3 days a week though ?
For, presumably 9 hours (or potentially 13 or 14 if emergency workers) a day?

Yes, I was happy for nieces and nephews to "come round to play" in the holidays with my 3 (making 6 dc), but those couple of hours are a very different perspective. Even before the OP mentioned that the SiL wanted her to look after the SiL's dc when her own dc were out at holiday clubs.

DSIL and BIL are taking the piss - it’s not like the school holidays are a surprise or a shock - they happen at the same time every year. If they were foolish enough to use their leave and money for clubs on their month long trip to America they they needed to take unpaid parental leave (see .gov website for entitlement) for some time over the summer and tighten their belts to care for their kids if they couldn’t get their shifts to line up for childcare. Honestly give an inch and some people take a mile. I hope you don’t back down!

I work term time only and already have 3 children. Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest as long as it wasn’t an expected yes. I find it easier for my 3 to be entertained by their cousins/friends.
also, as long as I’d feel I could also ask for their help in return. If to not the ask I find cheeky- it’s the expected response.

Youre wrong. I saw my mum once or twice a year growing up, she was never a full time mum.

I wouldn’t do any more childcare ever, on principle. They’ve been bitching behind your back, trying to get your DH to override your decision (WTF?) and trying emotional blackmail.

Now they’ve done all that, you cannot possibly back down.

I wouldn't ask a parent who already has 3 dc, to mind an extra 3 dc for a full day, except as a one off or in some dire emergency, no.
As parents who WOTH, we made sure we had childcare in place for the days we worked.
Favours from family and friends were for an odd night out, or a funeral or hospital appointment when it would be really difficult to take the dc, not regular childcare for work (presumably 9 hours or so? x 3 days just in the one week, plus all the other weeks to come).

Yeah I know, it was said in jest 🙃

What? The OP called herself a full time mum and upset a poster and others who pointed out there is no such thing as a full time mum as there are no part time mums. One particular poster was upset to the point she asked the OP if she’d like to be called lazy and whatever else she said as using the term full time mum was that insulting. She was told to use SAHM - that’s what the extreme frothing is about. Yes, under no circumstances (unless absolute emergency) would I have someone else offspring dumped on my doorstep because of their feckless parents refusal/inability to plan, agreed!

Glad to be of service m’dear - but again the pp wasn’t actually saying the OP was those things but you can keep trying to convince me