Saying no to childcare in the holidays

My DBIL has yet again text my DH about families helping out etc.

Are they going to give you some of their salaries? To help you out because you’re not working? Didn’t think so…. It only goes one way with these things. You don’t work because you want to have more time to do things with your own kids. You have more time, but there’s an opportunity cost to that choice. They have more money, but less time because they’re working. There’s a cost of childcare to that choice. Why should you be an unpaid nanny?

Ooh the entitlement! You’ve helped them out numerous times, but they are still ‘disappointed’. Shows you might as well draw the line at nothing, as wherever you draw the line, they’ll still get angry.

Reminds me of when I let my kids stay up late and they still have a tantrum. Makes me think I might as well have sent them to bed at 7pm sharp seeing as I’ll be dealing with exactly the same tantrum whether it’s early or late

They're taking the piss. Not even offering a reciprocal arrangement.

Stick to your guns OP.

Oh please, we all know what it means to be a "full time mum".

We don't do much parenting when our kids are with a childcare provider of any kind of setting let's be honest.

It's not such a privilege to take financial sacrifice to stay home. I personally find it a privilege to be able to work and get out of the house 😂It's incredibly lucky to have the support and the means to work the hours you need.

You don't spend a single extra minute "being a mum" than a woman who works.
but she spends a hell of time more doing parenting - I am not doing anything "mum-related" when I am at work! No one should.

No way. She's being seriously cheeky. Suggest that you could take them certain days, and she can takes yours on certain days in return, see how that goes down. My guess is.. like a lead balloon.

They've had a whole academic year to plan Summer childcare.

It's really rude of your BIL to have that conversation with your DH;your DH is not your manager and cannot force you to have his brother's kids;your BIL was clearly expecting your DH to agree to make you have them.

Your BIL and SIL are CF's.

Nope, can’t stand it when people are entitled like this.

We have family helping out with childcare this summer. It was arranged months ago, with consultation as to which days they can do, and it’s only one child at a time when the other is in a club. Obviously in an emergency I might ring and ask for help, but a lack of planning is not an emergency!

YANBU, it's their responsibility to arrange childcare. I have mine sorted and fully booked around 3 months before summer holidays start because I need to make sure it's all planned in military fashion, with back up plans in place in the event of illness or any other unexpected event.

The fact that they're asking the week before shows that they are expecting a yes and see asking as just a cursory act.

You made a huge financial sacrifice to stay home, why should other people benefit?

If your SIL hasn't offered a swap (have mine 2 days, I'll have yours 2 days) she is a CF. You wouldn't have to accept a swap anyway, you have your own life.

You have plans, sorry you cannot help. Nothing else needed.

I'd want to know what the in laws are saying as that would cement my resolution to never baby sit again!

Your SIL is being cheeky. You've already helped her out this week and you have plans next week.

I'd not be helping out ever again after their ridiculous tantrum! Their kids, their responsibility to sort childcare.

I'd probably help out for 1 day but not all 3. That way, you keep the peace and help out a little but not entirely being taken advantage of.

Just repeat that you have plans and tell them you're meeting up with friends at their house and can't look after their kids. End of.

Then tell them to make sure they have alternative plans for the rest of the month.

YANBU at all.

Tell your DH not to mention to you when he gets pressure from his family about you not picking up the pieces for his brother's lack of planning. He needs to just shut them down and leave you out of it.

YANBU at all. They were clearly planning on you saying yes all summer long otherwise they would've organised clubs, camps etc the same way all other parents do. Extremely cheeky. I would make it clear that you find the going telling tales very disrespectful and their attitude is greedy, and they've burnt their bridges for any more ad hoc childcare, emergencies aside.

But the OP has helped numerous times before, the in laws never reciprocate and this time the OP's kids will be at clubs and she's busy.

The in laws aren't bothered about family relationships, they want free childcare!

Stick to your guns. Your DH isn’t offering you is he?

I’m a teacher and last summer I was asked at short notice to look after a friend’s child but just from 7am to 10 am (dropping her off at a club) and picking her up at 3 pm and looking after her until 6 pm.
No offence to friend’s child but she was high need - ADHD and other SEN - my daughter was 16 and self sufficient and my son was with his Dad and it was my holiday. Might not have been going away but it was 2 whole weeks. At the October half term she asked me again the week before (again short notice) but this time I said no. I needed down time and to spend my time not stressing and when I thought about it 30 hours a week of childcare plus lifts to and from was a huge ask. I didn’t even get a bottle of wine either!

I had to put my foot down with friends. I'm a part time teacher and apparently that meant I am a free for all for childcare during the holidays. I shut that down very quickly.
I don't mind emergency and happy to help but it has to fit in with what dc and I want to do.
Some of the kids my dc don't get on with so that's always a no. Others I'll say yes the odd time and my dc get to have a play date at ours.

Tell her you won't be available for watching her kids going forward.
Explain that it'll save her asking, you refusing, and then there'll be no further need for unwarranted messages between family members.

Ok but to me it still strengthens family relationships ,which to me are paramount

YANBU I work full time and do does DH your SIL and BIL are taking the piss. I have nieces and would help out in an emergency or for a day so they can all play together, but this is a regular childcare request.

6 under 9 yr olds, for full working days ?

I wouldn't (medical emergency excepted).

I might for one day, for a special occasion if I were asked in advance if it were possible.

For working parents of dc, to whom the school holidays presumably didn't come as a surprise, I wouldn't. Maybe, if thy had asked back in May or June if there were a chance I could help on a particular day for one reason or another, but 100% not when they have just assumed.

Glad your dh has your back. I would be having words with my BiL as to why he thinks he needs to tell tales on your to his brother.

OPs children won't even be there!