Saying no to childcare in the holidays

When are they helping you out, if that’s what families do?

”Yes, sure, I’ll have them for three days this week, and then you can have my child for three days the following week”.

All the time. All. the. time. And none of these people ever reciprocate. They never babysit so you can go to dinner with your husband. It's only ever in one direction.

This is what would seriously get my back up.

I'd be messaging DBIL saying:

"DBIL, when DSIL asked if I could mind your children next week, I explained that I was unable to due to having plans made. I'm understandably confused as to why you then messaged DH about the matter? I am not DH's employee, I am an adult, who is perfectly capable of running my own schedule, and if I tell DSIL I have plans, it's because I have plans. Going to DH won't change that fact. Furthermore, being "family", albeit by marriage, does not mean I am obligated to carry out regular unpaid childcare whether I have plans in place or not."

They've pissed me right off and I'm not even you 😡

Even if I had no plans, I’d not be willing to take care of someone else’s three children. You’re not running a crèche.

How pedantic and completely unnecessary.

ps. I describe myself as a full-time Mum and I’m not going to change my language for the likes of you.

Just out of idle curiosity how much time has your DBil been pencilled in to look after his own children during the summer?

Tell them that they do not reciprocate with childcare and your time is as valuable as theirs. You are under no obligation to mind their children and they should not organise their workload with the assumption that you will. You are entitled to your own life. End of.

You can change it

So sorry I voted YABU by mistake, I meant to vote YANBU!

And not only this @Aprilmaymum , DBIL trying to guilt you - he can look after his own kids. Total disrespect talking about you not to you!

Um, well, surely they knew this when they booked the holiday? Did their childcare / holiday club booking fall through for the summer?

Do you owe them money? I just don't get how someone could expect unreciprocated babysitting for 3 children on an almost regular basis, unpaid and at short notice.

In similar circumstances when they started wittering on about family I asked them to support me as I said it was true that families should support each other and asked them to support me.

They stopped asking pretty quick.

I’m sure a ratio of one adult to six kids wouldn’t be allowed in a professional setting. How would you keep an eye on all of them at once, when you need the loo for instance. I childmind for one 3 year old and need eyes in the back of my head

Has she forgotten to organise childcare for the summer holidays? Do you owe her lots of favours? I don't get why she would have this expectation.

How much were they paying you per day?
Did they provide the dc with food?

My eldest even said this morning he is looking forward to a quieter house ) he is very shy and likes his space )

It might be worth pointing out to DH that your priority should be your own kids enjoying the summer, not bailing your SIL out all the time!

If their kids are a handful and your kids don't enjoy having them there then it's a no brainer.

Make sure you make lots of plans for the remainder of the summer, OP! Your own kids come first!

Tell MiL if she feels that strongly about it she can provide unpaid childcare on short order, on a regular basis - which is actually what they’re expecting. And as for BIL, l’d be telling him in no uncertain terms that if he has something to say about you he should say it to your face instead of whining to his brother and expecting him to back him up instead of supporting his wife.

They are being so disrespectful of you and your time. As others have said, you have sacrificed your income to be available to your children and to use your free time as you see fit.

Those basturds are trying to stich you up OP, stick to your guns and dont engage/shut them down, etc.

Absolutely this.
I worked FT when my DD was young and yes indeed each school holiday was planned weeks in advance. This is just what you have to do.

For us it was usually a combination of leave from work, grandparents, holiday club or arrangements with friends who had DC. But it was always planned ahead. For the long summer holidays we usually had a chart on the fridge door showing the plan for every day of the school holiday.

Your BIL and SIL are just trying to take advantage. Nip it in the bud now and make sure your DH is on side. You do not want to become the default childcare for all the family

She said the husband replied that she had plans.

Is there a quid pro quo? Like they have your DC for a weekend while you and DH have a mini break?
It’s nice to help family if you can . Were they appreciative last time? Maybe you could have their DC on a day your DC are at home and DH can finish work early. If he’s not going to be helping out he has no business voicing an opinion or putting any pressure on you.

This ^^
This is classic CF childcare strategy.
1 The whole family are applying pressure on you.

• It is between you and SIL. Not the whole family.
• Anyone else who thinks its their business can look after the kids instead of you.

• Your DH is NOT your line manager, supervisor, or any kind of boss of you.

• It counts for nothing. They do not appreciate that you are giving up your own time to do it. The fact that you have helped them before is seen as proving that you must do it again.
• They won't thank you for this either and will happily damn you to all for not doing it this time.

• So they have known since they booked that April holiday that they would need childcare but made zero plans for it. They decided months ago that you would do it, but didn't bother to ask. This is their usual habit.

• they therefore say you are the only person who can step in at the last minute.
• Sounds like the MIL could make herself available

I really hope that you are able to stand strong against this. They are completely using you. Number 5 and 6 would particularly get my goat. I really hate that they think you are not working so you owe us your time. No you don't!

They didn’t offer to help you out by taking you to America for a month did they?

No way! Helping out occasionally is fine, but not when it becomes an expectation.

"families helping out" surely should work both ways (is gently point that out of they ask again...or cheekily suggest payment)! Stick to your guns and enjoy the "free" time when your children are in their activities that you remembered to book ahead.