Saying no to childcare in the holidays

How many times have they had all your kids? I'm guessing none. If families help each other out that has to go both ways, otherwise it's meaningless and just an excuse to use you. I hope your DH has been backing you up on this. You are absolutely doing the right thing, it's not your responsibility to mind them, they're using you and it's not ok to try and manipulate someone else into minding the children they chose fo have.

Summer holidays are like Christmas, you know when they are going to occur. She should have got the childcare sorted out before the holidays started.

And stick to your guns!

She is being a CF and you have a right to say no. As your car isn't big enough you'd not be able to take your children to their holiday groups and pixk them up if their kids are with you. That is also a lot of children for anyone to look after. I'd just keep firm on it. If they do shift work I can understand it is hard but then if a job doesn't work around your family you either use childcare or look for a different job. Dh and I work around each other so no childcare needed but I booked my older two into holiday clubs just so they were happy making new friends and doing activities.

I also find taking care of other kids plus my own too much like hard work. I'm always amazed when some people say that it keeps the kids occupied (perhaps it's due to ages) but I always find that a child gets left out or there is more bickering to deal with and I have to be 'present' more. It's not for me.

They are taking the piss, you've paid fir holiday camps so you don't have to look after the kids 7 days a week, they need to look at taking unpaid leave to look after their own kids, or if MIL gets involved, then she can move her own activities to make time.

I work hard over the year to plan holiday childcare and we don't have big family holidays as a consequence of that too.

I am so glad you said no. I worked full-time since my kids were babies. Having somewhere to drop my kids like this would have been a dream. But I would not have asked in a million years. It is incredibly cheeky behaviour and you need to stand your ground.

and don’t worry about your wording OP. I don’t mind what stay at home mums choose to call themselves. I never took it as a reflection on my parenting as a working mother.

This. ⬆️⬆️

It's rude, disrespectful of your time and your child's needs and even worse their moaning about it. Become very busy.

This.

It needs to be a reciprocal arrangement, they either pay or have your children when it's convenient to yours, otherwise it's a no. Your family took the financial hit to be able to cover childcare, they need to do the same.

If they went away in April, presumably booking well ahead, then they've had plenty of time to get organised, it's not an emergency.

I’m so shocked reading some of the CFery people have experienced on this thread! With so many holiday club options these days it’s utterly ridiculous.
Its exhausting enough with your own kids home for six weeks, stick to your guns OP 😊
Agree with others, ignore all future requests. They need to get their shit together.

None of this is OP’s problem.

Nowmyou only have one wage coming in that's just so selfish and presumptive of her . There is obviously a cost to looking after 2 more children providing food and activities so she should offer some kind of recompense I dont mean a payment but a contribution. You did the right thing .

Glad someone else called out OP...@Aprilmaymum calling yourself a full-time mum is pretty offensive because by definition mums who work are then 'part time'. I can assure you that on the days I work I am still a full-time mum and it's full on getting everyone fed, clothed and where they need to be and I still have to take calls at work related to them and keep up with school WhatsApps then it's all the pick ups and dinner etc. Do you say your DH is a 'part time dad', I bet he doesn't do any of the stuff I've just described either? It's toxic culture to call any parent part time. I feel sorry for your SIL, yes she and BIL have been disorganised clearly, but you are clearly judgemental about parents who work despite being in the lofty position of one who's DH brings in wads of cash so you don't need to work and can simply be free to do housework and childcare and enjoy the 1950s lifeestyle. That's nice for you, but instead of bitching about your 'part time parent SIL' on here why don't you tell her the truth that you've got enough to do looking after your own kids and can't manage hers as well so she needs to find an alternative. That's fair enough.

Good for you staying strong on this. I’m another one who would be extremely annoyed if my BIL contacted DH over such a situation. They do seem to lead chaotic lives, don’t they? Leave them to it.

Utter CFs, the pair of them. Stick to your guns and don't ever say yes to childcare again.

It would also be an idea to go out early for the day, in case they plan on just turning up and dumping the kids on you....

Your BIL texting

families help out

text back

we did last week, this week we can’t.

Op literally sent a list of summer clubs eith availability that was ignored so she could provide free care!!!

If either of them message you OR your husband your only reply should literally to send just this link

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

They can take 8 weeks EACH per year and have a total allowance of 54 weeks EACH until 18!
That should see them through the summers!

Quite apart from anything else, there is the issue of safety. Looking after a large number of children on your own makes accidents more likely. The responsibility is too much.
Make it clear that your answer is no, and not open for further discussion.

Anyone who takes their dc to America out of school for a whole month only has themselves to blame when they’re stuck in the holidays and they’re obviously wealthy enough to pay for childcare if they can fly to America.
Sometimes it isn’t money, it’s that childcare is overbooked or staff is short or the like, and sometimes childcare providers don’t have the same availability in summer holidays

edited to add: you can also have managers or work conditions that change in the blink of an eye and I’ve experienced that in retail and office work (and labs!)

Your bil texts your dh to complain you won’t look after a total of SIX children? I’d be telling him to fuck off with his misogynistic bare faced cheek. Who the fuck does he think he is? Thinks you should jump to your womanly duties because he complains to your husband? I would never look after them again and I wouldn’t give a shiny shit if I fell out with them.

I work FT, have two kids, and have a spreadsheet to figure out childcare cover for the holidays. I have little sympathy for parents who CBA to organise themselves, but will happily swap favours with friends so our kids can have a variety of experiences during the holidays.

I also object to the FT Mum title, not because it triggers me, but because you can’t imagine anyone referring to an FT Dad or otherwise (in the scenario that both parents still live together). It seems Mums feel a need to tie themselves in knots to describe themselves, but Dads are just Dads, whatever they do.

They are desperate because they haven’t planned anything at all; not because their plans have fallen though.

They were also desperate last week, when OP had them for two days.

They need to do better, not ask other people for ‘air’ due to absolutely zero planning on their own part.

Also, their poor DC must never have any idea where they are going until the last minute; that’s not good for kids IMO

The dsil doesn’t have to argue with managers because until now she’s managed to palm her kids off on her sil.
Anyone who takes their dc to America out of school for a whole month only has themselves to blame when they’re stuck in the holidays and they’re obviously wealthy enough to pay for childcare if they can fly to America.

When I worked 4 mornings a week I planned all my holiday childcare well in advance.
On the rare occasion I got stuck a sahm df would have dd until 1.30.
In return I bought a gift and had all 3 of hers on my day off for as long as she wanted.

Going to go against the grain here and say could you not do it but talk to her and say it honestly honestly can’t be a regular thing?

It’s like someone offering air when they agree to take your kids when you’ve been left stuck.

Yes we can all say cheeky etc but you did say she’s desperate. We never had extra help and life is just one big argument, arguing with managers, with each other, with childcare providers who had no availability. It’s literally a miserable one foot in front of the other.

It’s a cheek. Definitely keep saying no.