Saying no to childcare in the holidays

Who is DIL?

I’m presuming its not Daughter in law?

Oh get over it. She apologised.

Although, I wouldn't say you are busy, It implies that if you're not doing anything in particular that day, that you are available.

I read this thread last night and was raging for you. I was even more pissed off with your BIL texting your DH. The bloody cheek. But equally your DH should have been much firmer in his response and told BIL not to text him when you'd already said no.

I never do childcare for anyone. I took the financial hit to be around for my children not other peoples. "Families help each other" normally the line used by cheeky fuckers who do nothing for anyone else and are completely entitled.

Honestly OP I'm raging on your behalf!

it was DFIL. A text to say call me when you have a min your DSIL is really upset and we need to try and sort this. He said he had no idea why just that I have really upset her.

Is this likely? Your SIL has phoned/text her dad/FIL to say, ‘X has really upset me’ and he hasn’t replied saying, ‘why, what’s happened?’

I can’t imagine a conversation where someone says, ‘I want X to do childcare for me for 2/3 days a week all summer and she should do it free because she doesn’t work’ and other people agreeing with them! Paid childcare is there for a reason!

I would step back from this completely. Get your husband to liaise with his whinging needy family completely if it’s concerning a request they have for you to make their life easier!

Who is looking after their 3 kids the rest of the week? What happened in May half term? Last summer?

Ooofff. YANBU. And this last minute asking is incredibly rude. Most people plan their summer holidays with children (be that leave, holiday camps, arranging help from family/ friends) weeks if not months before the schools break up.

100% the right thing to do. I'm so mad on your behalf and glad your DH is sticking with you on this.

Oh Get a grip ffs 🙄

If the in-laws are really so concerned they'll take care of them

This

Please stick to your guns and say no. They are both working full time and reaping the financial rewards for that and then not spending money on childcare because they think it can be covered by you.

I think you should lay it on the line for FIL and day you pay for your own childcare. You have recommended childcare to them for the summer and they did nothing. They cannot now claim it's urgent last minute because they failed to plan. That you as a family took the decision for you not to work so this wouldn't be an issue for your family but they haven't considered it. If they are so worried about SIL being upset then they can step in and help.

My sister was similar. We had a child each around the same time and I suggested we try to help each other with childcare when we both went back to work. I had 2 by then and she had 1. She declined. Fair enough she didn't want my 2 for her 1. That was until I started working from home and didn't need to pay for childcare at all as I could flexitime it all. Then she was interested in me having her DC. At this point I declined.

Absolutely stand your ground. Just because you don’t work it doesn’t mean you should be automatic childcare. 6 kids is also a lot

i struggle with childcare in the holidays, my sister doesn’t work the holidays but there’s no way I’d expect her to have mine!

Stick to your guns @Aprilmaymum your ILs are cheeky fuckers of the highest order

If FIL doesn't know why she's upset, is he likely to understand or take her side? I'd let DH call him. Tell him that she's upset because she asked you to care for her children but you aren't available, so aren't able to do so. If he pushes back, suggest he do the childcare. End of conversation.

"DFIL, I believe DSIL is upset because despite being aware that the summer holidays have come round, as they do every year, they made no plans for childcare, knowingly using their annual leave to go to America for a month. I have already helped them out but for several reasons that I'm not willing to debate, I will be continuing my summer plans with my kids as planned. After all, we took the decision as a family for me to take the pay cut, precisely so I can spend this quality time with my kids. Maybe you and MIL could help out?"

WTAF your father in law has got dragged in too?
I'd be inclined to text you have no idea what he talking about
Don't cave in though, you have some you time when your kids are in holiday club, your SIL/BIL have screwed up, not you, you're not the skivvy who sorts out their holiday / financial issues

You reply to FIL and say “the reason she’s upset is that after having already provided her with a lot of free childcare, I can’t do it anymore and I’ve said no. Maybe you and MIL are happy to help them with childcare though”. Put the ball in his court, make PIL see that if they’re not willing to provide childcare, why should you.

This part time / full time debate is annoying. Do your children go to school @Aprilmaymum , assume so as they’re in summer camp, however if so your ‘full time mum’ descriptor falls away as the school is in loco parentis term time. Does this help anyone on here?

DH needs to make this call not you

Have you told your DH? What a bloody cheek.

Ask DH to ring his dad and tell them all to leave you alone! Does FIL work? Does MIL?

Is SIL your husband’s sister? Or is BIL his brother?

If they come out again with the "Families help each other" nonsense then ask when they last helped you out. Or say right, my children will be round at yours every day next week.

Your latest update makes me so angry on your behalf! I can't believe there are people like this who think the world owes them. They couldn't be bothered to get organised and somehow you have to sort it out for them? Unbelievable.

@MillyMollyMandHey did you not read the part where the op said they have never had their children or offered?? Unbelievable. Also the op is busy with 3 kids and has arranged their camps etc for never week so maybe she can get a bit of a breather. That’s a good thing for mums to do and if you have the best interests of people the op should be encouraged to stand up for herself. Nothing stopping her bil to offer to have her kids some weekend!

I wouldn't bother calling fil back or justifying further. Block them all and enjoy your break.
If the in-laws are really so concerned they'll take care of them