Saying no to childcare in the holidays

YANBU. Think you're better to take the pain of this argument now rather than continue to have it every year. Stay strong. Your SIL and BIL should have sorted childcare, this is on them. Your PIL can help if she's stuck.

Well SIL has dragged FIL into it & he has let himself be!

I'd be tempted to reply that you have no idea why she is upset & he will have to talk to her about it.

ONG @iamtheblcksheep what is wrong with you? That’s awful. You have issues.

So, they could afford a month-long trip to America but now can't pay for childcare?

Well done for standing up to them OP. I suggest you get your husband to tell the rest of his family to butt out and ignore any more messages to you, they're his relatives.

Wow so they are trying to bully you into it?! Stand firm OP. It’s absolutely outrageous. Cheeky SIL getting everyone else involved. I am mad on your behalf.

I would reply to FIL with a non emotional but factual - I know why SIL is unhappy. She’s asked me to have the kids again next week and I’ve said no. I’ve already helped her out and I can’t do any more for the rest of the holidays. Hopefully someone else can help or she can get them into a holiday club.

That's so cheeky, I wouldn't do it either, they need to organise their own reliable childcare. Were they really just expecting you to drop everything to look after there kids next week 🤔

She is only desperate cos she hasn't planned and/or can't stomach the cost of paid for childcare.
When mine were young, I booked and paid for playschemes the moment they were released.
Yanbu

This is so incredibly and unnecessarily nasty. In a way I hope your poor family aren’t subjected to your venom and it’s just strangers on the internet.

The amount of nitpicking by some on this thread is ridiculous.

You don't get to decide how other people describe themselves. You make yourselves look overly precious and rather foolish.

Stick to your guns, OP.

She should have had childcare sorted weeks ago. Its lovely if you could have them for the odd day and they can all have a day out together but of she wants more than that she needs to be honest about it not drop it on you at the kids minute.

Not sure if you mean to tag someone else, I absolutely agree.

People asking for help all the time is a pain. And tbh I don’t want favours back in return, even if they did offer. If you’re a SAHM, you don’t really need people to offer to have them one random day at the weekend to pay you back, especially when there’s very little chance it’s going to be 8am-6pm like they want from you.

Apologies otherstories this was for the poster you were responding to, not you!

This is a good one, I think. Just send this and shut it down now.

I just wondered what DIL stood for here?

What does your husband say about this morning’s text, @Aprilmaymum ?

I’d be on to my sister in law and telling her in no uncertain terms that dragging extended family into this is inappropriate. She asked, I said no that should be the end of it. My time is not policed by my husband, so getting brother in law to contact my husband was both insulting and pointless. I am capable of managing my own diary and availability and my husband is not going to dictate how I spend it so I have no idea why you both thought it was appropriate to message him.

I’d finish up with a list of clubs around and say I will not be available for childcare please do not ask again.

You do need to lay down the law now involving other members of the family is too far. You can’t have them for the rest of the holidays. Your children have activities and plans and you can’t drive them as 6 children won’t fit in the car.

Summer holidays come around each year they’ve assumed you will be their childcare without asking and have not even tried to make plans. You have helped already and i bet they’ve never even give you money or food etc either when you have had them. I’m all for helping family but they aren’t they are taking the piss and using you because you don’t work. Shift workers get their shifts well in advance it’s no excuse either.

If the father in law is your husbands dad he can bloody well reply and explain why. I’d stay well out now.

I would just say "sorry, while my DCs are at their club, I've got appointments and things I've organised for the day so I won't be free to look after your DCs".

I wouldn’t go into this detail. I would just say
‘SIL is upset because I cannot look after the kids next week. I’ve done so several times but can’t for the remainder of the holidays. Maybe someone else in the family can jump in and help ? If not there are local clubs. I am sure they will find a solution ‘ End of

Stick to your guns OP. You mentioned that your oldest is shy and enjoying the quiet - that is important. I recently had a similar revelation with my DS2, only much later than you (he's 12!) and so am now resolving to prioritise him and his brother more than I prioritise other people's requests. It's hard when people guilt you, but you are not wrong.

Absolutely this, why are all these people getting butthurt about a term of phrase. I work full time and don't feel offended by it. Ridiculous.

God what drama! Is 3rd cousin twice removed going to be having a go at you next?!

Just text FIL and say 'I have told SIL I am not babysitting the children that she gave birth to and is responsible for. If the rest of you all want to argue like children about it and fall out with me then go ahead but my answer is still no' Send the exact same text to any family member who contacts you about this. Don't bother trying to rationalise this because they obviously aren't capable of that level of thought.

Don't get sucked into a drama triangle with a ridiculous, childish family who are trying to scapegoat everything on you. I've been there and trust me you'll never earn their love or respect. You're best having as little to do with them as you can get away with.

@Aprilmaymum I'm sorry you're getting so much flack from posters who object to your throw away "full time mum" comment. I knew exactly what you meant.
Stick to your guns and say no to the in laws. Their problem to sort out childcare and they've taken advantage of your good nature and made assumptions.

Ha, FIL is coming to the realisation that he may actually be called in to do some childcare if he doesn't lay down some heavy emotional blackmail now.... nice try, mate.

Your son has said he wants the house to himself. Just keep him in mind when you tell them nope, sorry, that doesn't work for you.

I have had this issue so much with family and I am now much clearer about my boundaries.

This is not your problem to solve.

Even if you had no kids of your own, and you wanted to sit on your bum for the summer eating pot noodles and watching Netflix, that's your time and no one else is entitled to it. They need to organise better next time. It's upsetting because they have been dicks and tried to make that your issue.