Saying no to childcare in the holidays

C'mon it was a complete overreaction by black sheep. No need to take her issues out on the OP who has apologises a few times now. It's obviously triggered you too. Sort your guilt out ladies. BTW I work full time myself and the term has not bothered me in the slightest

Good thing your FIL isn't trying to push this further and pile on any guilt. Not surprised he didn't know why though!

Great news OP.

Well done OP - isn’t is interesting that when you say no to family member and then they complain about “families should support each other”, it’s always someone supporting them and they never offer any help in return?

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

I can’t imagine a situation where DB said in conversation to his dad, ‘X has really upset Y’ and the dad would text X to get involved rather than just replying, ‘oh no-what’s happened?’!?

What did you text to SIL, @Aprilmaymum ?

That’s good your FIL is backing you as well- as he should. Your BIL sounds a bit manipulative tbh!

OP stand firm. I'm glad your DH is supporting you.

In the past I have been a pushover and I hate conflict so I get how hard it is. IF you want to try to nip any drama in the bud and keep the peace (no reason why you have to btw), you could call SIL and say along the lines of "Look, I am sorry but I can't take the kids on ad hoc days - I have plans. But I'd love to take them all out one day for a picnic/day trip - what's a good day for you?"

So offer up one day of helping out with a planned day that all DC will enjoy (on a day they don't have clubs) as a show of love and good will alongside a clear 'no' to the rest of the holiday.

Don't let them make you feel guilty for a second OP. Their work is not your responsibility and your time is not less valuable than theirs, or theirs to decide what you should be doing.

IMO you've been way too generous to date, another three kids on top of your own three is a lot. And the bloody cheek of PIL wading in. Let them step up then!!

I would just stand firm with saying 'that doesn't work for me'. No need to give any reasons or suggest clubs as that will just give them an in to argue or come up with excuses.

OP stick to your guns!!
It seems to have reached the point that you may need to go NC for the holidays - end of!! No-one is listening to you and any responses you have made just heap more rubbish onto you.
So perhaps one more message copied to all the family who have felt the need to comment or put pressure on you -
Dear All, I have said No! Any further comment or pressure about this issue will be ignored until school restarts!!
Then just stick to it - ignore any texts or phone calls - enjoy your time with your family and do the jobs you planned to do. If you and your DH are united about this - there is nothing they can do.

Not missing the point, it's highly annoying when people derail a thread. The comment you're defending has been deleted so move on.

@Aprilmaymum have there been anymore texts or phone calls this morning from the in laws?

I hope they're not ruining your weekend with all this!

lol, ok 😂upset at what I ask myself, a silly response because someone has missed a point. No.

I felt bad for a pp who was upset at a phrase and the responses to her being upset…then along came you…and some other poster. Hope this clarifies my position for you. My brain has atrophied slightly after this pointless exchange. Christ sakes.

OP, why did they spend a month in April in America knowing it would leave them short on annual leave for the summer? Was it some kind of family thing that came up or were they just quietly banking on you to cover without actually checking with you first ?

They've known since April then that they don't have the annual leave to cover the summer holiday, but have basically not bothered because they were relying on the fact that you'd pick up their slack. I would get your DH to reply to BIL if he asks again that their childcare issues are their own to solve and he's not to ask again.

No, stop trying to derail the thread, move on if this upsets you so much.

🤣🤣

The level of angst in replies on here. Trying to pick an argument with someone you agree with.

Chill out.

Oh fgs did the pp even see the apology, those ranting how nasty she is responded with nastiness. The irony. Can’t. Be. Bothered.

Exactly, that’s a terrible idea especially considering one of OP kids has expressed relief that his cousins aren’t coming over to make noise basically!

Would be deeply unfair to upend their plans just for the sake of appeasing the in-laws who are clearly entitled. The worst thing you can do is negotiate with entitled people.

This “reciprocal” arrangement would overall not really benefit Op and realistically given they’ve never looked after her kids before it’s unlike they’ll start doing it now. So it’s best just to keep it simple and say no. That IS being reasonable.

Ugh, move along now? You’re a delight aren’t you.

…I disagree with your interpretation but then you seem like you want a fight. Go for it

Yeah. The summer holidays can catch people out… I mean it’s not like it’s every summer or anything, how could they possibly have foreseen needing to have childcare arranged like everyone else has to do….

You’re right to stand your ground. SIL is a cheeky cow who clearly just expected you to have the kids for free for the whole holiday and now she’s realised you’re not going to let her take the piss she’s involving everyone else. This just shows how entitled she is.

Even the fact she’s asking week by week is cheeky. Why not have asked for help and confirmed all the dates well in advance? Because you’d probably have said no or asked for compensation. She thinks she’s being really clever and trying to sneak this past you. All it does is show how she values her time more than yours, and knows on some level it’s a big ask.

She can grow up and get f’ed. Having family help with babysitting is a privilege, not a right. There’s a reason people get paid to be childminders/nannies/nursery workers… it’s an important job that’s in serious demand. I don’t go to a restaurant, order a slap up meal, and just say “thanks, see you again next week” without paying. She should be grateful for the help she’s already received. It’s more than I’ve ever had!

I also note that she’s bringing all the drama and involving everyone and their dog, but she’s not even tried to offer to pay you as a means of trying to convince you. Tight cow.

OP, it’s an absolute pisstake to expect you to regularly look after 6 children during the holidays A family or not.

I can’t believe the sheer gall of your SIL, bringing the PIL’s into things and then all doubling down on the pressure.

Is SIL usually this much of selfish, manipulative arsehole? Is she a narcissist?

Their shift work and lack of annual leave is no one else’s problem to fix and you’ve been incredibly supportive till now.

The fact they’ve never offered to have your DC or reciprocated in any way tells you everything you need to know. Utterly shameless!

Because the OP had long apologised for her comment and made it clear that is not what she meant when others pointed out they found the term offensive.

I am also a working parent who has their children in some form of childcare all holidays and juggles it all. The first apology was enough to demonstrate the OP meant no offence and will not make the same mistake again

A mild observation. This site has more than enough threads given over to WOHMs versus SAHMs going at it like weasels at each other's jugulars. This isn't one of those threads.

We are not adversaries. We have simply made different decisions, based on our particular circumstances, as to what most benefits ourselves and our families when it comes to the use of our time.

When others make different choices it's not a gratuitous insult or some kind of affront to an imaginary 'sisterhood'.

OP was coining a well-worn phrase, not in the above context, which clearly wasn't meant as some kind of indictment of other mothers. And she's apologised. No one needs a derail into the usual tedious treadmill to nowhere.

FWIW I am a career mum who is also secure in my status as a loving, attentive mother with a great bond with my child.

OP, I'm with PPs who in the light of DFiL's message advise you now to step back completely and let DH deal with his demanding, cheeky relatives. On no account should you call him back. You are not their paid employee and DH needs to nip this firmly in the bud, now.