Saying no to childcare in the holidays

Ok. Fair enough. I didn’t actually ask for the update. Someone else did.

OP doesn't owe you an update, this is her real life, not entertainment for you. To ask for one without even using a full sentence is rude.

Why is it rude?

Rude.

Update please

Me, too. I have been following the thread closely. I hate to see such bullying, entitled behaviour.

I really hope op comes back to update , hoping everything went well for her at the lunch

I wonder how today's lunch is going!

Yes. Giving excuses simply invites counter arguments and discussion.

Ilovecleaning · 08/08/2024 14:34
WickieRoy · 08/08/2024 12:24
I think some are overreacting. Remember, the PIL sided with OP once they knew what was going on, I suspect that they just want to get everyone together in the hopes it will blow over.

OP is in the right, so all she needs to do is brightly say no, that it isn't possible and she isn't available for childcare.
Good point. I’d forgotten that PIL were on her side once they knew. If I were OP I still wouldn’t fancy the family lunch.

That may change if the in laws realise that they are now 'it'

Don't feel like you have to make excuses - this just encourages some people to try and find work arounds.
It's perfectly okay to say that you don't want to do it - that you've made your choices to suit your own family, as they have made theirs and you just don't want to do childcare for 3 extra kids.

I agree, OP; you've done nothing wrong and have no reason to hide away. I hope the invitation from your parents-in-law is as altriustic as it seems and that they won't disappoint you by piling on further pressure. Anyone reasonable would have got the message by now that your answer is 'no', that your DH can't be worked upon, and that the position isn't going to change.

A united front between partners is essential when dealing with people like SiL/BiL. Your DH sounds like a keeper!

I hope it goes well for you OP. I am glad your in laws are being lovely about it all. I absolutely cannot fathom why anyone would think it's ok to demand someone with 3 kids of there own to also look after another 3 because they decided to go on holiday for a month.

As a mum of 3 the thought of looking after 3 more kids in the holidays on a day to day basis fills me with absolute dread. I love my kids but getting much done with them home is very difficult. I also pre plan and book holiday clubs etc for them and save up for these in the year. It gives me a chance to get some stuff done. Although the youngest isn't able to go to holiday clubs yet but will be next year.

I will happily look after my nephew from time to time as he just plays with my kids but this is a mutual thing. I stopped caring for other family members kids as they never helped with mine.

It still amazes me that anyone thinks it’s ok to be looking after SIX children

I think they've the mentality that you've already got 4 of your own what difference will another 2 make.

It’s 3 each. I’m sure they can imagine exactly how hard 6 kids

Whoops - got my numbers wrong. Even cheekier - asking for 3 to be looked after.

@Backtoanoldname the OP has three of her own not four. There are three extra kids, including twins!

Hope it all goes ok. On balance I think its better to go.

Apart from their lack of planning, taking you for granted I think they've the mentality that you've already got 4 of your own what difference will another 2 make.

It's not like that in the real world. You can't go out unless you've a minibus and 6 child seats, can't walk to the shops. We 'only' had 3 and the addition of 1 or 2 more changed the dynamics and what you could/couldn't do.

All the best.

Just go and shut them down.

”6 children are far too many. I’m stuck in the house as we can’t all fit in the car. It’s not fair on my kids and I’m not doing it”

“You shouldn’t have used all your annual leave and spent all your money on a month long holiday in the states if you knew you didn’t have enough of both to cover the school holidays. We’d all like to do that but you need to do it without relying on others to then bail you out. I’m not doing it.”

Hopefully they just want everyone to have a nice time after all the bickering.

It’s the control aspect I wouldn’t like.

Being summoned for dinner at short notice - it doesn’t sound like it’s the sort of invitation it would be easy to say no to.

She’s not a child.

You'll have to update us op how the family get together goes. I'm glad you and your Dh are on the same page about saying no.

Someone needs to tell the pair of them to just fuck off. Unbelievable behaviour from, apparently, adults who are supposed to be capable for jobs, kids, bills and a mortgage. They have no shame so fuck them.

@Aprilmaymum if they expect you to take on more when you already cut your hours for your own benefit you might as well increase your hours again and get paid for it. So cheeky.

This, completely.

I don't understand why @Aprilmaymum wouldn't go.

As she has quite rightly said in her last post, she has done nothing wrong. She doesn't need to skulk away, or act as if she is guilty of anything and should hide away from them. It would be odd to not go.

She has said the PiL are lovely, and aren't against her decision at all. There's no ganging up involved.