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Original poster

Saying no to childcare in the holidays

895 replies

Aprilmaymum · 03/08/2024 22:03

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

OP posts:
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garnetsandgold · 14/08/2024 05:30
Blush
NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 13/08/2024 23:46

Thanks @Aprilmaymum well done on standing your ground 💪

NewName24 · 13/08/2024 21:36

anothernewstart9 · 13/08/2024 12:30

Great outcome and I'll say it again, a supportive partner is worth their weight in gold. Enjoy the rest of the holidays!

Agreed.
Thanks for updating @Aprilmaymum

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/08/2024 21:35

Thanks for the update.

Did they regale you with anecdotes from their month (!) in the US? Or did that topic not arise? 😉

Axelotylbottle · 13/08/2024 19:09

Excellent update. Well done OP.

I always find it totally bizarre when people (entitled, unpleasant people usually) don't see there's a world of difference between looking after your own 3 children and 6 children. Like the extra 3 is nothing (I mean if it's nothing, why are they trying to palm them off on you)! Which then means you can't get everyone in the car and can't go anywhere.

It's so incredibly RUDE and devalues childcare.

Your DH sounds fantastic rightly praising all the work you'd put into planning the summer so it would be enriching for your children. It's unfortunate for your children's cousins that their parents don't prioritise this work like you do, but it's not for you or your children to have to suffer as a result.

ZekeZeke · 13/08/2024 19:02

Super update.

LookItsMeAgain · 13/08/2024 17:18

It sounds like they were still going on a fishing expedition after lunch to see if there was a glimmer of hope that you might be available so when you shut the conversation down, they were left with no further options.

Glad that it is finally sorted for you.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/08/2024 16:46

anothernewstart9 · 13/08/2024 12:30

Great outcome and I'll say it again, a supportive partner is worth their weight in gold. Enjoy the rest of the holidays!

Seconded, glad it all worked out for you pleasantly in the end OP. I thought they might redouble their efforts but standing your ground made them look for an alternative.

Member984815 · 13/08/2024 16:27

Great update , enjoy your time with your kids and your lovely husband

Thursdaygirl · 13/08/2024 15:58

So many problems on MN are caused by unsupportive partners who do not have the courage to stand up to relatives.

Very true!

Ilovecleaning · 13/08/2024 15:35

So pleased with the happy outcome. The support of your DH is worth its weight in gold. So many problems on MN are caused by unsupportive partners who do not have the courage to stand up to relatives.
I have followed the thread closely as I was so hoping everything would be resolved to your satisfaction.
an earlier poster asked for an update and another one accused her of being rude. That is what MN is for! Updates on problems. What an idiot.
Best wishes, OP.

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/08/2024 14:04

Hopefully they'll learn from this, well one of them anyway because I see the man hasn't taken unpaid leave.

SmudgeHughes · 13/08/2024 13:47

K37529 · 03/08/2024 22:08

No chance, it’s hard enough caring for your own children without other people dumping theirs on you too.

And it’s always the same people, funnily enough.

Beautiful3 · 13/08/2024 13:39

Great update @Aprilmaymum well done for standing your ground. Enjoy your summer holidays.

Buffs · 13/08/2024 13:38

So pleased sense prevailed and thanks so much for updating us.

yespleasetococoa · 13/08/2024 13:30

Well done for holding your ground!

2Rebecca · 13/08/2024 13:27

Great. SIL and BIL now realise it's their responsibility to actually plan for the school holidays.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 13/08/2024 13:11

Ah nice one! Enjoy the rest of the summer holidays

Izzynohopanda · 13/08/2024 12:56

Thank you for the update and for a successful outcome, and well done to dh for stepping g up and supporting you.

anothernewstart9 · 13/08/2024 12:30

Great outcome and I'll say it again, a supportive partner is worth their weight in gold. Enjoy the rest of the holidays!

WickieRoy · 13/08/2024 12:24

Brilliant, well done OP. Hopefully all will blow over now.

friendlycat · 13/08/2024 12:23

That's a great update. Glad it all went smoothly.

So now you can see that there were solutions in your SIL taking unpaid leave!
They just hadn't wanted to do this option.

Original poster
Aprilmaymum · 13/08/2024 12:14

Brief update,
little awkward at the beginning but nothing was mentioned over lunch. After lunch it was mentioned but in a more of a how are the children and what plans have you all got. Pleased to say DH said I had worked very hard to make sure the DC were kept amused during the holidays with outings and clubs. My SIL has taken time of work ( unpaid leave )
Glad I said no and my two eldest are having a friend over each this week which I couldn’t have done.
thank you all

OP posts:
NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 13/08/2024 10:51

How was the meal @Aprilmaymum ?

Thevelvelletes · 11/08/2024 20:44

Aprilmaymum · 03/08/2024 22:14

She is far to busy with all her activities to ever help out.

Show quote history

So her opinion should count for fuck all.
Same goes for dbil and sisil.