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Original poster

Friends have no interest in my child

216 replies

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 19:15

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

OP posts:
Easipeelerie · 03/08/2024 20:22

Don’t have any expectations about their interest in your child. Are they interested in you? Is their interest in you waning? If so, you might want to relegate the friendships, but don’t get offended re: your child. It happens.

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:21

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:20

I would just my friends of 10 plus years to check in on me and ask to meet up like we usually would? I am not an alien now I’ve had a baby and I’m not one of those won’t talk about anything else as some don’t even have children. No wonder the pnd rate is so high if the majority think it’s ok not not care about your friends anymore.

Oh and I would like them to also say how is baby have you got any recent pics (as I don’t share on social media) then do the polite aww so cute then move on!

OP posts:
PinkPurpleHibiscus8 · 03/08/2024 20:21

I think it's a bit mean that they didn't visit you more in the few months after having the baby. This can be a lonely, vulnerable and exhausting time for new mothers. Good friends should be there for you, and celebrate your new child with you (not indefinitely, but at least after the baby's born. A baby being born is a significant life event!)

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:20

I would just my friends of 10 plus years to check in on me and ask to meet up like we usually would? I am not an alien now I’ve had a baby and I’m not one of those won’t talk about anything else as some don’t even have children. No wonder the pnd rate is so high if the majority think it’s ok not not care about your friends anymore.

OP posts:
Plantparent · 03/08/2024 20:18

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:17

Did you read any of my messages I don’t talk about baby?!

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Apologies OP, I only read the initial post!

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:17

Plantparent · 03/08/2024 20:16

Do you talk to them about anything other than your kids? I have taken a step back with certain people before because all they ever droned on about was their kids, it was like being a parent became their entire personality...There is nothing worse being childfree by choice and having to hear a monologue about things you cannot relate to nor care about.

Did you read any of my messages I don’t talk about baby?!

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:17

@Plantparent she has clarified that she doesn't.

Plantparent · 03/08/2024 20:16

Do you talk to them about anything other than your kids? I have taken a step back with certain people before because all they ever droned on about was their kids, it was like being a parent became their entire personality...There is nothing worse being childfree by choice and having to hear a monologue about things you cannot relate to nor care about.

Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:13

With your further update, I think you have terrible friends and need to find a new friendship group. Very cruel of them, especially when you have childcare and can meet them sans baby.

I have never understood why parents and the child free can't be friends. Admittedly my DC are grown, but still...

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:10

I have never said I wouldn’t go out without my baby, the baby has a dad who is more than capable of parenting their own child if I was out. I mean I literally haven’t heard from them and they haven’t asked to meet up. I have asked when they are free, I have said I can come out alone! But I’ve literally heard barely anything from them since baby arrived! Every message I’ve sent has not even included any baby chat, just gossip or something funny. I understand people are busy and we all have our own lives. But being dropped because you’ve had a baby isn’t a nice feeling. I also find it insulting that they have no interest in baby when I’ve shown interest in their children or families or pets or jobs.

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:07

Yes, your title is very misleading. You should have said " My friends never respond to my texts or messages, especially since I had a baby".

Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:06

I am sorry, I missed your second post which said you have reached out. If they haven't responded to that, then yes, they are being unkind and bad friends. I agree that I would have responded and asked how you and baby are doing.

I have noticed a lot of this going around lately though it's no excuse. People seem to prefer social media friendships.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/08/2024 20:05

That’s life.

Charlie2121 · 03/08/2024 20:05

The reality is you are probably far less appealing to them than you were before you had a child.

I didn’t have a child until I was early 40’s but the few I knew who did have children before me in their 30’s became less fun because they were no longer available to do things we used to do together.

Once I had a child my life changed completely. My DS was and is the centre of my universe. In my eyes he’s the most amazing human being ever to have lived. I’m not naive enough though not to realise that others won’t share this opinion. Most friends are pretty ambivalent at best about my DS and that’s fine.

Sethera · 03/08/2024 20:05

Your thread title is perhaps a bit misleading; your posts suggest they have lost interest in you since you had your baby and that is naturally what's upsetting you, rather than the fact they're not showering your new arrival with attention.

Are you able to leave your baby with someone so you can meet up for an adult-focused get-together; coffee, lunch, night out?

If they're not prepared to make the effort, it sounds as though they're not the friends you thought they were - might be time to look for a new friendship group.

BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 20:05

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2024 20:00

I have children and still don’t think other people’s children are that interesting

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of course you do. it's a mumsnet requirement.

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:04

I said they contacted me first month as they wanted to know gender/name and a couple wanted to come and cuddle baby. Then nothing. I am not saying I want to talk about baby stuff with them?! Just a nice check in how are you, then ask how is baby as you would ask about their partner or job or anything?! I have reached out as I previously said, and I have not mentioned baby just about normal stuff we’d talk about, then I got sick of always sending first message. Wow if some of you think that expecting to hear from
your friends is too much to ask then I feel sorry for you. You must have your bar set really low. I am a good friend, I would take round food, help out with baby, went to soft plays, walk and to the park.

OP posts:
BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 20:04

Catza · 03/08/2024 20:00

Well they are pretty boring when they are babies. A lot of my friend's kids are teenagers now and I do have lovely relationships with them because they are witty, have bags of personality and are joy to talk to. Babies, not so much.

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yeah but how much effort does it take to send a message once a week asking after a friend and her baby? I don't get why some people are so wedded to the 'but they're boring!'.

I ask about house extensions and marathon training all kinds of unexciting stuff if I know it's important to a friend

Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:01

I have children. I still find other people's children boring.

Frenchsplit · 03/08/2024 20:01

I’d keep seeing your friends, not always with your baby, and don’t always talk about your baby.

Joeylove88 · 03/08/2024 20:00

I felt like this about my non child friends and it is harsh that suddenly you get treated almost as an outsider when you become a mum and tend not to get asked to things as much which sucks. I have several non mum friends who I know all want kids one day so I'm patiently waiting for them to start having them and to understand what it's like so I will hopefully more in common with them again. I always made an effort with my friends children though but only my closest friends really. It is difficult to fully appreciate children/motherhood/that lifestyle until your in it yourself so try not to let it get you down and maybe look to make friends with other mums!

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2024 20:00

MrsMeaty · 03/08/2024 19:20

If you don't have children other peoples children are not very interesting.

I'll politely enquire after my friends kids because I love my friends, but I don't particularly like or enjoy children, so I don't overly involve myself with them.

I have children and still don’t think other people’s children are that interesting

singleandfree · 03/08/2024 20:00

Same as what others have said to you your child is the light of your life to other no.
I have no interest in other peoples children at all.

Catza · 03/08/2024 20:00

BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 19:55

I've noticed that a lot of people on MN are at pains to state how boring they find other people's kids.

Well they are pretty boring when they are babies. A lot of my friend's kids are teenagers now and I do have lovely relationships with them because they are witty, have bags of personality and are joy to talk to. Babies, not so much.

Alpolonia · 03/08/2024 20:00

BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 19:59

and some haven't met the baby

Exactly, I was referring to those friends who hadn’t yet visited.