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Original poster

Friends have no interest in my child

216 replies

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 19:15

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

OP posts:
BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 20:41

Dita73 · 03/08/2024 20:40

Following that post they might not want to see you as you seem really rude

I think she just seems hurt and frustrated,

JudgeJ · 03/08/2024 20:41

Plantparent · 03/08/2024 20:16

Do you talk to them about anything other than your kids? I have taken a step back with certain people before because all they ever droned on about was their kids, it was like being a parent became their entire personality...There is nothing worse being childfree by choice and having to hear a monologue about things you cannot relate to nor care about.

I found this when my first was born, suddenly women I'd never had much contact with wanted to talk about babies and I didn't even find my own a riveting topic. Trying to have any conversation with them on any other topic was impossible, it was like I'd been initiated into the maternal Freemasons!

Witchbitch20 · 03/08/2024 20:41

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Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:40

PadstowGirl · 03/08/2024 20:38

My three babies have never met my group of friends from uni who I have met up with once a month since 1991. My eldest is 22 now 😁. My friends know we have kids but they aren't the focus of our meet ups.

I HAVE NEVER SAID I WANT BABY TO BE FOCUS. HAPPY TO MEET WITH NO BABY?!

OP posts:
Dita73 · 03/08/2024 20:40

Following that post they might not want to see you as you seem really rude

PadstowGirl · 03/08/2024 20:38

My three babies have never met my group of friends from uni who I have met up with once a month since 1991. My eldest is 22 now 😁. My friends know we have kids but they aren't the focus of our meet ups.

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:37

Thank you for the few kind posters that have some empathy. The rest of you are batshit crazy, I believe what you put out is what you should get back. If that’s unreasonable then I’m glad I don’t know you in RL. Maybe check in on your friends because maybe it’s a lonely time, maybe it isn’t easy to make baby friends, maybe you should care about your friends mental healths? Luckily I have a great family. I don’t think it’s hard to care about your friends but obviously I’m in minority.

OP posts:
Jl2014 · 03/08/2024 20:35

When my friends had children before me I felt a bit like I was walking on eggshells about when to text, what to text etc. When I met up with them it was a hoo ha of them being flaky and late. I think you don’t get it til you have kids. Plus other people’s children are not that interesting. I honestly wouldn’t take it personally. Unless, of course, they’re actually just arseholes. Difficult to tell.

Elbone · 03/08/2024 20:33

Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:32

I managed to meet my child free friends for coffee and lunch since I had a husband willing to look after his own baby, as does OP.

Show quote history

I must have missed this skim reading but what do her friends say when she suggests a child-free meet up with them?

unhappywskid · 03/08/2024 20:33

Your friends seemed to have moved on, and perhaps that's what you should be doing as well. Meet new people, find new friends. If at this point in life where you've welcomed your first baby they're not there to celebrate you and your kid, maybe they don't deserve to be friends with you after all.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/08/2024 20:33

paradisecircus · 03/08/2024 19:43

Don't ditch good friends over this; check in with them and see if there's any chance of them visiting / catching up with you.
I haven't got children and might forget to check in and find out how someone's baby is, but I'd be interested in him/her if I visited in person.

Yes. Don't let it fade out. Give them a second chance and get in contact.

I moved house, had a baby and a bereavement all that the same time and so busy and overwhelmed. I rang an old friend on a quiet day and was shocked to find she thought I had ghosted her. Luckily, We were able to talk about it. Mind you, she wasn't great at keeping in touch either. I think it takes effort on both sides, but you don't always know what's going on in people's lives, so its always worth asking.

Lentilweaver · 03/08/2024 20:32

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I managed to meet my child free friends for coffee and lunch since I had a husband willing to look after his own baby, as does OP.

BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 20:31

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she says the friends, or at least some of them, have children of their own.

DreamTheMoors · 03/08/2024 20:31

I’m acquainted with a woman who has a daughter.
She had huge, over-the-top birthday parties for the daughter and once even took parents and children to Disneyland for her daughter’s birthday.
She was very, very involved in her daughter’s class, all throughout her school career.
To her, she was involved.
To the rest of her acquaintances, she was pushy. She pushed her daughter onto and into everything and everyone.
No one likes pushy people.
Instead of winning friends, she made people resentful and annoyed, although she didn’t mean to.
Your child will grow up and develop friendships naturally and some will last and some won’t.
Don’t sweat the small stuff - join a play group or an exercise group or maybe even a parents group.
You’ll both be grand - just as you are. ❤️

Witchbitch20 · 03/08/2024 20:30

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Daisymae55 · 03/08/2024 20:30

I was the first out of my friendship group to have a baby. I remember feeling exactly the same as you when they showed no interest. They’ve only just started to show interest since either having their own kids or since my child turned 2 and became quite entertaining. I remember feeling like ditching these friendships but I’m glad I didn’t. It’s hard and feels so shit but it’s an unfortunate reality xxx

C1N1C · 03/08/2024 20:28

Children should not be seen as a social ladder climbing thing.

Have them for you. Even if the rest of the world ignores them, they're your child. What they think is irrelevant.

henlake7 · 03/08/2024 20:27

So your friends of over 10 hrs who you got on with well previously have suddenly blanked you completely since you had a baby?

I feel like there is something else going on there....unless you were all members of an 'i hate babies" club!

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:26

Not seen any in person since first visit to baby.

just to be clear they have responded to messages I’ve sent, that are random topics which is what we usually do in group chat. But no follow up how are you doing/how’s baby/shall we arrange a catch up etc. no fall out or ill feeling, just disinterest.

OP posts:
PinkPurpleHibiscus8 · 03/08/2024 20:26

Elbone · 03/08/2024 20:25

Before you had children, how interested were you in other people’s?

Her friends do have children

PinkPurpleHibiscus8 · 03/08/2024 20:26

IcedPurple · 03/08/2024 20:25

Babies are a source of endless fascination to their parents, but not to anyone else.

Also, a new baby is all consuming for its parents, which is fair enough of course, but quite alienating for your childfree friends. That said, having been the childfree friend I wouldn't give up on my friends once they'd had a baby. But don't underestimate how much it will change your relationship. Your life has changed enormously, but theirs has not.

They're not childfree

Elbone · 03/08/2024 20:25

Before you had children, how interested were you in other people’s?

101Nutella · 03/08/2024 20:25

YANBU - you need community post partum.

however, I think a lot of people don’t understand the gravity of the change and how to really be there for someone until they have a child too. I would show up very differently now that I’ve had a child. Try not to take it too personally. Find some new peeps through baby class and maybe invite a couple of friends to walks? Tell them you’re feeling a bit out of contact?

IcedPurple · 03/08/2024 20:25

Babies are a source of endless fascination to their parents, but not to anyone else.

Also, a new baby is all consuming for its parents, which is fair enough of course, but quite alienating for your childfree friends. That said, having been the childfree friend I wouldn't give up on my friends once they'd had a baby. But don't underestimate how much it will change your relationship. Your life has changed enormously, but theirs has not.

BeautyPageantDropout · 03/08/2024 20:22

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:20

I would just my friends of 10 plus years to check in on me and ask to meet up like we usually would? I am not an alien now I’ve had a baby and I’m not one of those won’t talk about anything else as some don’t even have children. No wonder the pnd rate is so high if the majority think it’s ok not not care about your friends anymore.

so not one of your group has been in touch? was there any fall out at all? usually there'll be a few flaky friends and a couple of solid ones.