Friends have no interest in my child

For sure… but are you actually saying that you care so little about your friend that you wouldn’t even make the effort to meet their baby at least once? Or acknowledge this major change in their life with the odd text asking after them and their new baby?

This is what the OP is describing so if you are that person then you should know that this level of disinterest is hurtful… and you’re a crap friend.

That’s really sad OP. I’d look for some local mother’s groups and try to make some new friends that do have kids.

I feel the same OP.

Everyone is always interested at first, you get the one visit then it fizzles out. I've tried really hard to text my friends and still do non-mum things but I never get invited anywhere. I don't post endless photos etc on social media or feel the need to message out that my baby did this or that for the first time as I know that others won't be as excited or happy as I am about my child reaching their milestones.

Another thing... I was pregnant at the sane time as 2 other ladies I work with and we talked about doing things together as our babies were born literally days apart but they never invite me anywhere. I see their SM posts and they must get together twice a week and do various things. I feel quite sad about it!

I find this attitude bizarre.

Part of friendship is celebrating the things that are important to your friend, even if it isn’t important to you.

Not acknowledging when a long term friend has welcomed a child makes you a shit friend. In the same way that not acknowledging a promotion, or an exam pass, or any else that might be important to your friend, would make you a shit friend.

it’s of no importance to me that my friend has got a new dog. I can take or leave them. But she’s important to me, so of course I ask how she’s getting on with this new addition to her life. To not do so would make me, you guessed it… a shit friend. .

@Hello12345677

No one cares about someone else’s baby OP, honestly they don’t! And that’s fine! Use it as an opportunity to get yourself out and have baby-free cocktails over baby-free conversation- it will do you the world of good! 😊

a good friend would care and support through the very short period that you’re overwhelmed by being a new mother.

As the childfree friend, this is often not a 'very short period,' though. I have had friends disappear for literal years into their baby bubble. I've kept friendships with some, but not all. Not all friendships are strong enough.

Are you feeling lonely, @Hello12345677 ? It sounds possible.

I'm sure your baby is lovely, and when he or she gets bigger, people will be drawn to him or her.

Women who ''love babies'' tend to be the ones that fuss over little ones.

DS always had people stopping to coo over him in his buggy- but my friends rarely asked. {He's a man now!}

I am not a fan of children/babies at all. I like my own but don't care to hear stories of others just as I don't bore people with stories of mine. Not everyone is as interested in your kid as you are.

You don't have to let the friendships go, you just need a group of "mum friends" to supplement them!

You say they don't text you.. why should they? Why should they chase after you because you've got a child now? You're still capable of starting a conversation aren't you?

Other people's children are of little interest to most people.

Some when they grow older, if they are sweet natured can be lovely- I think my neighbour's little girl is very sweet, but apart from that, ''OPK's'' as dad called them {Other people's kids} are not interesting..Call it the selfish gene, perhaps?

We are interested in our own child/ren, and think they are the best, most lovely child/ren and that's what really matters.

I’m very sorry to hear about your mum.

And yes, you absolutely should expect your friends to support you through that. I’m also sorry to hear that you don’t have good friends.

It has absolutely nothing to do with entitlement. It could be a baby or a job or an illness, it’s basically making an effort to be a part of your friends’ lives however different they turn out to be. Of course everyone can decide not to do that, but then don’t expect quality fríendships or getting older around people who are not related to you

wrong thread

I feel like there are two things going on at once. On the one hand you're saying that you wish they'd send you weekly message asking about your baby and they could ask for pics out of politeness. But then also you are suggesting meeting with them without kids and they're wither declining or ignoring you? They however respond to some messages?

Asking about you and your kids really depends on the friendship. It required effort on both sides. It would never occur to me to ask about my friends kids out of the blue. I'm happy to hear about them. I'm having a friend with a baby visit me tomorrow cause she asked if her and the baby could come over. I'm super haply about that. If you're struggling it is OK to share.

As for them not wanting to meet up and ignoring some requests? They sound like shit friends.

i agree lots of batshit posters who haven’t read your posts

time to meet nice new friends and lower your expectations of old friends who don’t maintain the relationship you need

My mother died 7 months ago. It was massive for me. I think of her all the time. All the time. All the time. It's my day to day now grieving her.

Should I expect constant support from all friends in this regard?

Shame on them for not devoting every interaction we have to asking about me and my grief?

And yet I don't think everyone should be revolving around me.

mums who chose this life do.

And talking about kids and baby's and nappies and feeding and naps and sleep is fucking boring. No one wants to hear about it other than the parents.

No.. shame on you for not caring about a HUGE part of your friends life. You don’t have to care about the baby.. you do have to care about your friend. Having a baby doesn’t make you ONLY a mother, and a good friend would care and support through the very short period that you’re overwhelmed by being a new mother.

Other people's children are BORING as fuck

You really can't believe how stunningly dreary it is to be pinned down by people droning on about their kids, dogs, cats etc

I'm definitely not saying my conversation sparkles, but having to listen to kid talk is a killer.

😂 possibly but I can live with that

You probably missed the bit where she executed a perfect double back-flip and karate kicked three other children twice her size off the soft-play.

Yes but to what end? Baby is nearly 7 months. I'm sure the massive thing happening was at the birth. I'm sure the friends were really interested then.

Enthusiasm wanes. Yes she had a baby ...months ago. People have lives and stresses and they can't be expected to share this as of it happened to them

Shame on me for not being on the edge of my seat at every little baby update months or years later. So entitled.

The attitude of loads of posters here really bothers me. Yes babies ate incredibly boring and no they’re not a big deal if they’re not yours. But surely if something massive happens to a friend you want to share it somehow? Are you interested in your friends as long as their day to day is relatable and entertaining? Shame on you.

It really depends. I don't want to be harsh. But people generally aren't that into their friends, babies. Unless they're super close and they have babies of a similar age where they will play Together.

Is it possible your only sharing stuff that a parent would be interested in. My sister once spent 20 minutes telling me a story about her daughter. Recognising a remote island on a map and getting it right in a quiz and my eyes glazed over. That's parent only territory for a 20 minute brag story.

Another time she sent me a 2 minute video of her daughter at soft play. Just wandering around or jumping on something. I watched a few seconds of it. I went back to what I was doing and left it Just long enough so that she thinks I would have watched the whole thing and then replied how lovely. I deleted it.

This stuff isn't interesting to anyone but parents.

My very first thinking after reading the title of this thread and the first post was “oh god I really don’t blame her friends, it’s really hard to maintain interest in a friends baby” etc etc, but the more I read, the more I feel so bad for you with the way your friends have been.

I am 35 and child free and I’d say loosely 40% of my friends have them, 60% don’t. Every time a friend has announced their pregnancy I’ve had that sinking feeling of “oh god, I’m losing another friend to the baby life”, as things really do change. And I understand that, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Some of my friends are happy to leave the babies at home and just want to chat about other stuff, whereas some bring them everywhere they go. And I admit, I hate it when I go for brunch with a friend and her toddler comes along and we can’t even finish a single conversation cause the toddler demands so much attention. I hate when they bring them to my home and I have to watch through gritted teeth as babies mess with all my trinkets and put my things in their mouths. I hate that it’s SO much more complicated to make plans now and our social lives aren’t as free and easy as they were in our 20s. However all that said, I still feign interest. I ask, I cuddle, I do the dutiful bits, but without going overboard.

So the point I think I’m trying to make is, yes it’s true that we don’t find our friends babies that interesting and we wish our friendships hadn’t changed, BUT we still show up and are there for our friends with children. I can’t believe your friends hve just gone so cold and aren’t responding to you etc, that’s a huge shame.
Its sad because people are saying “make new friends, find new mum friends” and whilst that’s a great idea and would be nice, the friends you’re talking about here are your old group, you’ve known them 10 years, you have history, memories etc, they’re your GIRLS and it’s not that easy to just make new ones that hold the same value. But I totally get why you feel let down by them. It would be a lot to expect them to overly care about your baby and to do all the gushing, but it’s not much to expect them to care about you. And you’ve reached out and suggested meet ups and they are just not replying? Wtaf. Out of curiosity, do you know if they’ve all been hanging out without you in this period, or have none of them really met up? Are they all still talking to each other as much and just excluding you?

Anyway, sending love as I do feel for you. I hope you can resolve this :)