To think she's gearing up to cancel?

"It does seem a lot. I note that it includes food, but I can't imagine she'll eat that much!"

Less than £45 for food, accommodation and entertainment (which is fantastic for 5 year olds btw). In peak season? Seems reasonable really

Oh I didn’t get that from her posts, sorry. I got that she’s now having doubts because of what people are saying on here. It’s easy with the benefit of hindsight she has now with the patchy communication to be having doubts but I don’t think I’d want to instigate the cancellation, I’d be hoping she either has a good reason for the lack of communication or that she is going to cancel! Hold your nerve OP, even if you want to cancel, wait and see if she cancels first so you can get your money back.

Tbh as a mum of several children with complex needs I can totally see why you agreed for the trip. It would be lovely as you said for your daughter to get opportunities she may otherwise not. If the mum is someone you trust and feel comfortable with I wouldn’t feel concerned about the child’s age so much. Some of the grandparents Ive seen out providing childcare look unable to manage if A toddler ran off etc so a mum your trust who works in safeguarding seems reasonable.

i agree with other posters re just picking up the phone although understand it can be hard with ADHD to actually do that - remind yourself - worst case she’s changed her mind, you’ll get a refund and you guys can arrange some more local treats over that week - best case she’s just one of those parents who wings it all and actually all is fine she just hasn’t thought to message further updates

Above all else - be kind to yourself. Parenting children with complex needs can be guilt inducing enough

Bless you, I know, I can identify. But take a deep breath and a get bit of perspective here: you are both going to feel SO much better for having discussed it and cleared the air! If there's any confusion, I'm sure she'll be grateful to you for broaching the subject.

Maybe you can drop her a line saying 'Shall I call you at whatever o'clock for a chat about this and check if it's still happening?' And call her then even if she doesn't reply. Then you have made a commitment - which will take all the 'indecision tension' out of it - and she'll have had a heads up (which includes the possibility of cancelling if she needs that 'out') and you're both prepared for it.

Good luck for the best outcome!

"Butlins during the school holidays, they hoist the prices up to match the demand. It's hotel accommodation plus a dining plan."

Aw let her go OP. She'll have a great time with her friend. Just ring and see what the arrangements are for Monday and ask if there's anything specific she needs to bring

Please do not let posters here put you off. You know your daughter and this family, we don't. A lot of people on here are so unsocial they won't even open their front door if someone knocks. If it still goes ahead then let your daughter go. She'll have a great time with her friend doing activities she is usually restricted from due to her sibling's needs. Yes, she might miss you but that won't automatically stop her having a great time. And, as you say, you can go pick her up if you need to.

It does seem a lot. I note that it includes food, but I can't imagine she'll eat that much!

The bullet points above were suggestions to help her as I understood her to have a change of heart, as was apparent from her posts.
Yours would not work in such a situation.

Do you otherwise like this other parent and apart from this, do they seem sensible?

Unless you have concerns about her well-being, I would let your daughter go on the proviso that you will collect her if it doesn’t work.

Or, "I've been having second thoughts, and discussing it with other mums has confirmed it and lead me to this conclusion "

Good idea about the bullet points but not these ones!

-hello just checking the arrangements for the holiday, it’s still Ok for my daughter to come with you isn’t it?
if no
-that’s fine completely understand, shall I give you my bank details to transfer my money or will you give it to me in cash?
If yes
-great what time do you want me to bring her over?
-is there anything specific she needs to bring?

use the bullet points in the post quoted above by all means if you’ve had a change of heart but if you cancel she is not really obliged to return your money.

"I realise I’m totally missing the point, but what ‘mini-break’ in the UK costs £300 per 5/6 year old child?!"

Centreparcs? Bluestone? A week at Butlins catered in August?

"If you feel awkward making the call, write bullet points down on a piece of paper. It helps you to focus on what you need to say, and then you won't dither with nerves.

• Good morning I'm having second thoughts about the holiday
• she's too young
• too awkward by train if there's a problem etc"

Might as well say "Good morning, Mumsnet has put me off and made me feel like a bad mum so let me pay £300 towards your holiday without even giving my daughter a chance to enjoy it"

OP hasn't been ghosted - they spoke about the holiday a few weeks ago.

I realise I’m totally missing the point, but what ‘mini-break’ in the UK costs £300 per 5/6 year old child?!

I would phone, OP, this is the kind of scatty thing I would forget to sort out until it’s right in front of me. I don’t think she’s gearing up to cancel and I think your DD will have an amazing time.

It's an hour by train.
Not exactly hopping in the car if there's a problem.

Just wait! Give her time to reply to the text.

The pressure on here is silly. It's not ridiculous for her to go on the trip, she'll have a blast.

If she cancels then she'll need to give you the £300. If you ring up dithering and moving the goalposts she won't give it back.

I think everyone's being a bit dramatic about the age thing. I used to have sleepovers with friends from a very young age and thoroughly enjoyed it, even when a bit homesick. I assume OP's DD will be able to use a phone to ring OP if she misses her, or to excitedly tell her about her day. OP has said she'd be able to get there in an hour if DD wanted to come home - not that long really. I personally wouldn't cancel, I would call the friend and check all is still going ahead. If she cancels then fine, but don't take the opportunity away from your daughter.

If you feel awkward making the call, write bullet points down on a piece of paper. It helps you to focus on what you need to say, and then you won't dither with nerves.

• Good morning I'm having second thoughts about the holiday
• she's too young
• too awkward by train if there's a problem etc

She’s unreasonable to take £300 off you then ghost you.

Stop letting other people convince you it’s a terrible idea. It’s not. Your daughter will have a lovely time. Just call the mum and make arrangements. Maybe she has changed her mind. Maybe she hasn’t and just assumes it’s all sorted.
My own daughters would have been absolutely fine to go away for a week without me at 5.

OP, please don’t let other people’s judgement on here get you down! There’s giving advice, and then there’s downright judging for the sake of it which is in some of the less kind responses on here. You’ve already explained your thought processes behind the initial decision, and been very self-aware about the using the phone thing in this age of social media, but some people seem to like to continue to criticise. Anyway, I hope this situation works out for the best one way or another.

If it’s somewhere like Butlin’s she’ll have a blast and won’t be waking up crying for mummy (that was a mean thing to suggest), she’ll be bouncing from one activity to another!

I don’t think it was an awful decision to say yes. The OP said her DD is excited to go and the other Mum also said this about their child at an earlier meet up.

Just call later and if she answers ask for the plans for Monday. If she doesn’t answer or doesn’t respond just chalk it up to experience and ask for the money back. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.