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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think she's gearing up to cancel?

508 replies

SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 08:02

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

OP posts:
despiteappearance · 03/08/2024 10:33

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Original poster
SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 10:33

brightyellowflower · 03/08/2024 10:32

You're happy for your 5 yr old to go away for a week with a women you don't feel comfortable enough phoning?

Really?

I've phoned! She hasn't answered.

OP posts:
Hotsunights · 03/08/2024 10:32

Hope she rings back soon.

brightyellowflower · 03/08/2024 10:32

You're happy for your 5 yr old to go away for a week with a women you don't feel comfortable enough phoning?

Really?

starfishmummy · 03/08/2024 10:32

SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 10:25

I've just tried to call her and got no answer. Will see if she gets back to me.

When she's not working she's usually zipping between her own hobby clubs and ferrying her DD to numerous of hers, it isn't often she's doing nothing iykwim.

I'd be suspicious that she's already on holiday and there is no mini break.

SquatWeightaMinute · 03/08/2024 10:30

I think she is going to cancel which is a bit shitty that she is not being upfront. I don’t blame her for having second thoughts but she should communicate it.

I hope you get this resolved today OP.

Snowfalling · 03/08/2024 10:28

The mum has proved a bit flaky by not letting you know plans. I wouldn't be letting her take my 5 year old away at this point because of that if nothing else. Ask her for the money back so you can do something nice for your dd.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 03/08/2024 10:28

Gosh that is young, l assumed they were at secondary school!

despiteappearance · 03/08/2024 10:26

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Azaleahead · 03/08/2024 10:25

Sounds fine to me. It was discussed not that long ago, no reason to think the mum is planning to cancel?!

Five is quite young for a holiday with another family but plenty have done it and enjoyed it! If she doesn’t, well, you’re only a short train ride away.

think the fact that your DD has limited options normally, given your disabled child, means it is particularly worth giving it a go.

Clafoutie · 03/08/2024 10:25

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But the OP’s question wasn’t ‘ is my daughter too young to go away on this trip?’ What other people with no knowledge whatsoever of the situation think about that is irrelevant and unhelpful.

Original poster
SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 10:25

I've just tried to call her and got no answer. Will see if she gets back to me.

When she's not working she's usually zipping between her own hobby clubs and ferrying her DD to numerous of hers, it isn't often she's doing nothing iykwim.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 03/08/2024 10:24

Oh for goodness sake, don't talk yourself out of this !
speak to the mother !
you are a grown adult ! and can actually use a telephone

you say your child knows about it and is excited

so find out if it is happening for her
you said it's only an hour away on a train

my daughter was doing and having sleepovers by the age of 4, yes Butlins is more than a sleepover but she may love it and be too tired out to miss you too much

QueenOfTheNihilist · 03/08/2024 10:24

OP, your uncertainty over arrangements (what time to leave) and this thread are working you up into a firm belief that your friend wants to cancel, and that your 5 year is too young to go with a friends parent.

Friend could well be busy / distracted and does not have time for a meal or activity to discuss basic arrangements.

And I often took 5 year old friends away with us and mine went on short trips with friends. As you have said: your friend is a reliable safeguarding parent.

Of course it is fine for parents to decide that their kids don’t travel with others, up to you. But MN has a high % of very cautious and anxious parents.

Don’t let this thread cause you to scupper what could still be a happy arrangement.

Call your friend NOW.

despiteappearance · 03/08/2024 10:22

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Mummyofbananas · 03/08/2024 10:22

You've done nothing wrong OP you know the family and you know your own child and you made the decision that was right for you. It might just be in the run up to the holiday the other mum is just very busy and hasn't been avoiding you on purpose- I'd send another message just to say you need to clear up travel plans etc and see if she replies.

Isthisit22 · 03/08/2024 10:21

5 years old is too young to be going on sleepovers never mind away with a family that you know so slightly.

despiteappearance · 03/08/2024 10:17

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Floralnomad · 03/08/2024 10:16

Just call the woman and whatever you do don’t cancel as that would then mean she doesn’t have to pay you back - let her cancel on you and then you can ask for your money .

Longma · 03/08/2024 10:15

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Clafoutie · 03/08/2024 10:14

countrysidelife2024 · 03/08/2024 10:10

what on earth are you thinking sending a child that young away??? And to be honest i am shocked they even asked.

The OP knows her daughter, and the situation, better than strangers on the internet do. The question was about what to do now that the other mum has gone quiet.

Stravaig · 03/08/2024 10:14

Nope, but it was discussed the week before when we met up at soft play. Mum raised it, said how much her DD was looking forward to it etc.

Look at it from their point of view. IF you're organised and confident and relaxed about taking an extra 5 year old on holiday, (which they are, because they offered), AND you spoke about it with OP just a few weeks ago (which they did), AND you reaffirmed how much your DD was looking forward to it (which they did), THEN why would you rush to be in contact with OP? You know it's all okay, and you assume OP knows it's all okay, because the plan has been in place for a year, and you reaffirmed it, with them, just a few weeks ago!

OP, take a deep breath, and stop letting the thread work you into a panic. Pick up the phone to double-check whatever you need to. Own your own anxieties and work out whether you need to act on them. Don't turn this kind and generous friend into the bad guy.

Differentstarts · 03/08/2024 10:13

Just call and say is everything still going ahead for next week what time do you want us to drop dd of to you. Ignore other posters on here iv taken other people's kids on holiday of this age she will have a great time.

FrancisSeaton · 03/08/2024 10:13

countrysidelife2024 · 03/08/2024 10:10

what on earth are you thinking sending a child that young away??? And to be honest i am shocked they even asked.

wtf? Nobody asked if you approved

countrysidelife2024 · 03/08/2024 10:10

what on earth are you thinking sending a child that young away??? And to be honest i am shocked they even asked.

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