To think she's gearing up to cancel?

This is a very unpleasant thread.

Hope you get something sorted OP.

Yes I suspect she doesn't want DD to go, but equally doesn't want to give you back the £300. She is probably hoping to claim that you never got back in touch with her to finalise arrangements."
I would send a clear message on text and whatsapp "Hi just checking what the arrangements are for the holiday on Monday. Getting a bit concerned as I haven't heard from you so please let me know."

No….

But I was referring more to the fact that some posters are suggesting if was terrible parenting to agree to it in the first place. I think it all depends on how well you know someone.

Hm, I wouldn't send my girls off with another family that I didn't feel confident enough with to pick up the phone. They are 7 and 9.

But we all make different calls and I understand how easy it is to feel railroaded into something you aren't totally comfortable with. I've had to really toughen up when it comes to my girls and it's hard when you have different boundaries from their friends' parents.

Personally, I'd probably say look, given you're clearly avoiding me at this point, shall we just agree it was a stupid idea and you give me the money back and we'll say no more about it..? Or something along those lines. Just be blunt. She's clearly ignoring you for a reason.

But it’s not poor parenting on IP’s part; I can see why she thought it would be beneficial for her dd. Just that I also get that last minute the practicalities might be sinking in.

We went away with friends a couple of times and a year out you just think about long evenings chatting under the stars. Then when they phone and start to detail the tins of tuna they are bringing which they thought would be good for one meal ( nothing wrong with that btw, just not what I’d choose), you suddenly realise there is more involved than the movie worthy moments

I personally think it’s a little bit different. There are swimming pools and water parks and lots of strangers. And a sleepover only requires the mum to supervise for one night. This is a week when she’s also in theory trying to relax. I’d understand if she was having second thoughts.

So you've paid her the money, you're due to go on Monday, and she hasn't contacted you to agree details? It doesn't sound good to me! Has she perhaps 'forgotten' you've paid her?

I just wanted to agree and say don’t be swayed by mumsnet. You know your child and their relationship with this other family.

A bit older than yours, but I took my DD’s friend away with us at the age of 7. I was a teacher, didn’t see it as extra work, but it made the holiday for my daughter so much more fun. I’m not sure mine would have wanted to go away without me at the age of 5, but if you sort out the communication issues, and you are both happy, go for it.

Also don’t worry about defending yourself about shipping her off - that’s clearly not what you are doing and it says more about another poster accusing you of this than it does you. It is NOT poor parenting.

Are you really saying the OP shouldn’t be a parent?

I think people are being overdramatic about you agreeing for your DD to go away.

She had multiple sleepovers with them and you know your DD best.

I'm going to bet that your DC won't be on that trip and you won't be seeing your money again either.

Well, at least you're honest about it.

Don’t beat yourself up about this op.

I can see why you agreed at the time, but things can seem different when the time actually comes. I think it has for you, and it probably is for them too.

What do you really feel about it? And how would the other mum’s reaction change that? Would you feel better if she says “ we are all so looking forward to it, of course I thought it was still happening?” Or would you prefer to unravel it regardless? I think you should think a few of these possibilities through before you speak as you may need to respond quite fast at this point.

Its fine to change your mind - and I can understand why the other mum might have too. With dc it’s about getting it right for them. Maybe this other little girl is now saying: “ I want ( new friend) instead.” That would be awkward for the mum but equally you don’t want dd going as a second choice.

OP I’d feel the same as you about calling. I honestly hate talking on the phone and I’m so glad it’s not really a thing any more (except for work etc) I’m a millennial, and my mum always hated talking on the phone too. I remember seeing her visibly shudder when she was told so and so was on the phone for her, then take a deep breath, square her shoulders before putting on this bright phone voice. 😂 I’m her daughter I guess!

I have a 6 year old and 4 year old and I’d personally worry about them going away with another family at these ages. I am an anxious person and think of every scenario and therefore don’t trust many people to look after them. But every child is different and I’m sure some 5 year olds would be fine in this situation.

Am I missing something, the trip is for Mon and you haven't heard any arrangements? I'd say obviously they aren't taking your dc and at this stage the only thing left is to get a refund. Send your bank details and ask for it to be refunded today.

Hope you manage to get sorted op.

“Erm, excuse me”

Excuuuuuuuse me, get that grown ass woman on the goddamn phone 🤣🤣

OP, many people are extremely protective of their children, which in my opinion has the potential to make it harder for those children to develop skills of independent living (both practical and emotional) as they get older. Others allow their children more freedom and opportunities, which to my mind is healthier.

You know your daughter and know if she is likely to get upset being away from you, or likely to enjoy the opportunity to have fun with her friend and the excitement of a holiday.

If the latter, that's a credit to you and your partner, and the fact that you are raising a confident, secure little girl.

Don't let people on here make you doubt yourself. They just have a different approach. It doesn't make yours wrong.

I would definitely message and say to the mom that you need to know ASAP about the arrangements for dropping DD off on the trip. Say you are needing to make arrangements for that day for your other kids, so you just need to know timings. Obviously you can phrase it very politely - stress that you are grateful she is offering your DD this opportunity, etc etc. But something that conveys a sense of urgency.

She sounds like a nice woman, so I am sure she will respond as soon as she can, either by call or message, if you stress that you need to know. And it's only a couple of days away and she knows you have other kids and other commitments, so it's not unreasonable to say you need to know.

Good luck! I know what it's like - I can get myself into a pickle with things like this too, over thinking how the other person might react to what I say.

But you are being utterly reasonable in needing to know. And as long as you phrase it politely, it is always fine in my experience.

For the love of absolute fuck, make sure you get your money back. I suspect what she said it would cost you will have covered a large chunk of the bill.

Truthfully oP that’s really, really little to be sending her away. If they aren’t super close, I’d personally be relieved if it peters out and doesn’t go ahead.

I just read your other thread. You sounded uncomfortable with her going at the time, so at this point I would cancel it myself and write off the money if it's not possible to get it back. And you need to be firm with people and not be talked into doing things you don't want to do, especially when it concerns your child. This could have all been closed down at the time without you feeling you had to fork out for something you couldn't afford and didn't really want.