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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think she's gearing up to cancel?

508 replies

SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 08:02

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

OP posts:
alrightluv · 03/08/2024 12:58

@ShillyShallySherbet that's a good point. The parent isn't going to keep in contact with OP is she even if she does take dd away.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 03/08/2024 12:58

OP it sounds like she used the ‘hurry hurry buy now’ tactic to get you to act against your instincts. Similar to a Curry’s advert where they use loads of exclamation marks saying ‘sale ends midnight!’

She knew you had your hands full so took advantage of that. I feel she’s used your money to pay for her holiday. I also suspect she’s keeping quiet in the hope you’ll fold and say DD no longer going. Then she can say it’s too close to date to get a refund.

All sound suspect.

Original poster
SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 12:58

Motherland2624 · 03/08/2024 12:50

This is crazy people should take a test before having or being responsible for children

I have known her for years and spent lots of time with her, she isn't a stranger. She works for the police for god sake. Get a grip of yourself.

OP posts:
ShillyShallySherbet · 03/08/2024 12:53

Great message OP. The fact she’s been on social media but hasn’t replied to your last message or answered your calls would tell me everything I need to know and I would not want this person to take my child away on holiday. If someone else was taking my 5 year old away for a week I’d want daily contact and updates. This does not bode well. I feel for your daughter but I’m really hoping that you hear from your “friend” soon and she cancels and gives you your money back.

Motherland2624 · 03/08/2024 12:50

This is crazy people should take a test before having or being responsible for children

ilostmyhearttoastarshiptrouper · 03/08/2024 12:47

I think your friend is burying her head in the sand out of embarrassment about a change of plans to be honest. If she still is happy to take her, I'd be really concerned as her mum about what that time away would be like for her. 5 is incredibly young to be away from home.

summerdazey · 03/08/2024 12:46

SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 12:25

I've sent a follow up text, I won't mention the money yet as I don't want to influence her response or as PP said - make her feel she needs to take DD in sufferance.

Hi (jane) , I'm not sure what's going on RE butlins as I haven't heard back so I'm not sure whether to pack or not? If for whatever reason you're unable to take her you can let me know and I will understand, I'd just prefer to know sooner rather than later

How's that?

Perf

Calliopespa · 03/08/2024 12:45

SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 12:25

I've sent a follow up text, I won't mention the money yet as I don't want to influence her response or as PP said - make her feel she needs to take DD in sufferance.

Hi (jane) , I'm not sure what's going on RE butlins as I haven't heard back so I'm not sure whether to pack or not? If for whatever reason you're unable to take her you can let me know and I will understand, I'd just prefer to know sooner rather than later

How's that?

Perfect

ClimbEveryLadder · 03/08/2024 12:44

Good message, I hope it goes ahead and your daughter has a great time. I completely get the motivation of wanting to let her have experiences that are hard to provide when she has a disabled sibling.

alrightluv · 03/08/2024 12:44

Yes I agree good message. Can't believe her!

Hotsunights · 03/08/2024 12:43

Good message OP

BiscuityBoyle · 03/08/2024 12:36

What a shame for you DD if this is cancelled.

brightyellowflower · 03/08/2024 12:36

Futurascope · 03/08/2024 12:11

No….

But I was referring more to the fact that some posters are suggesting if was terrible parenting to agree to it in the first place. I think it all depends on how well you know someone.

Show quote history

She clearly doesn't know her that well at all - that's the point.

If she did she wouldn't have to ask more strangers on the internet for advice on second guessing what's going on in this woman's mind. If you're concerned about what to say on a text/whatsapp and how it will be received, or sending them and not having any reply back (despite the woman being 'active' on social media), that would tell me everything I would need to know. Baffling as to why others can't see that and think it's perfectly fine to send a child away with basically a stranger (and whoever else she invites along for the ride)

despiteappearance · 03/08/2024 12:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Misschananderlerbongg · 03/08/2024 12:32

You’re getting a hard time op. Butlins is a great holiday for a 5 yo. She’s known the mum for 2 years and says she has a trustworthy job. If she’s a teacher or a doctor for example, I’d let my child go.

Redhil · 03/08/2024 12:32

berksandbeyond · 03/08/2024 08:59

You paid £300 for your 5 year old to go to a holiday park with another family? You’re a mug, you just paid for their holiday. What a bizarre thing to do, why would you even let your child go away with another family like that?

What does you're a mug mean? Is this some random saying that's meant to be offensive but just makes the person who said it look like they need to learn better lingo. 🙄

brightyellowflower · 03/08/2024 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HermioneMakepeace0 · 03/08/2024 12:29

Yeah good call OP. Hope you get it sorted

bakail · 03/08/2024 12:29

Good message OP.

Original poster
SunflowerMabel · 03/08/2024 12:25

I've sent a follow up text, I won't mention the money yet as I don't want to influence her response or as PP said - make her feel she needs to take DD in sufferance.

Hi (jane) , I'm not sure what's going on RE butlins as I haven't heard back so I'm not sure whether to pack or not? If for whatever reason you're unable to take her you can let me know and I will understand, I'd just prefer to know sooner rather than later

How's that?

OP posts:
6pence · 03/08/2024 12:23

I think you should still send her if alls ok. As you say, you are only an hour away on the train and you can pick her up. It’s not as if she’s not used to sleepovers, days out etc with them.

However you do need to communicate honestly to see whether she’s still wanted. It’s bad form to leave it so late to tell you, if she’s not going.

Ottersmith · 03/08/2024 12:22

Well did you have the operation? Are you in a position to go? Could you book your own caravan and join her? Then she won't be without you for so long.

bigTillyMint · 03/08/2024 12:22

Margo2023 · 03/08/2024 12:18

This is very odd indeed, especially given she is meant to be going away on Monday. Would you even have time to get organised for her to be going away for a week? Bad form unless there are some extenuating circumstances you are unaware of even then a quick text to explain only takes a minute.

Suggest you keep calling throughout today, did you leave a VM earlier? If no answer by this evening, text to say you're unclear why but it's clear your DD won't be going on the trip now and simply ask her to return your money. Then, why don't you and DD do something together?

I agree - very odd of her not to have contacted you about arrangements - sounds like she’s avoiding for some reason.

Hope she returns your money and you can use it to do some fun stuff with your DC.

Margo2023 · 03/08/2024 12:18

This is very odd indeed, especially given she is meant to be going away on Monday. Would you even have time to get organised for her to be going away for a week? Bad form unless there are some extenuating circumstances you are unaware of even then a quick text to explain only takes a minute.

Suggest you keep calling throughout today, did you leave a VM earlier? If no answer by this evening, text to say you're unclear why but it's clear your DD won't be going on the trip now and simply ask her to return your money. Then, why don't you and DD do something together?

Calliopespa · 03/08/2024 12:16

HermioneMakepeace0 · 03/08/2024 12:10

Hm, I wouldn't send my girls off with another family that I didn't feel confident enough with to pick up the phone. They are 7 and 9.

But we all make different calls and I understand how easy it is to feel railroaded into something you aren't totally comfortable with. I've had to really toughen up when it comes to my girls and it's hard when you have different boundaries from their friends' parents.

Personally, I'd probably say look, given you're clearly avoiding me at this point, shall we just agree it was a stupid idea and you give me the money back and we'll say no more about it..? Or something along those lines. Just be blunt. She's clearly ignoring you for a reason.

I honestly think that message will just catapult it into full scale argument - which OP seems to want to avoid.

How about just “ I’ve had trouble reaching you and I’m wondering if you are having second thoughts. If so please get in touch so we can discuss.”

I wouldn’t mention the money at this point as you want to flush her out first. The last thing you want is her taking DD under sufferance because she’s not going to surrender the money. Find out how she’s feeling then fight the money thing thereafter.