DH does not want a third

I’m honestly not being goady, but what happens when you have the third and desperately want a fourth?

If he doesn’t want one then that’s it. Enjoy and appreciate the children you have.

Like @lazysummerdayz wonder if you are minimising the costs. It’s not about having house space or a large car.

we both wanted 3 DC but didn’t due to fertility issues, cost, exhaustion (sleep deprivation for years) and difficulties balancing parenting and work. I have found it very difficult indeed working (part and then full time) with 2 DC, and it hasn’t become easier as they got older (now teens) . I didn’t and still wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on DH.

My stepson was adamant he didn't want any more kids and if his oh wanted one she could find somone else..fast forward a few years and they have a 3rd child and are getting married. Also my husband didn't want a 3rd but caved in, was adamant that was it, he's too old and couldn't cope with another but I accidentally fell pregnant recently with number 4. I was sure he would be devastated but he wants to keep it

feel like having babies has been the most profound and wonderful experience

That's nice, but the having babies bit is extremely fleeting and having another wouldn't fix it any more than your second fixed it this time. I do think you could do with some therapy to address this. Sounds unhealthy to be so fixated on having that high again as soon as it's over instead of seeing the bigger picture.

I would suggest you need to regard babies as a stage in your life and start to think of what you can do with the rest of your life. There is no guarantee that your DC will like each other or produce GC for you.

Mine are now 8&5. I probably toyed with the idea until they were 5&3. That's when you get past the baby stage and think it would be hard to immerse yourself in that again. I also agree about how demanding schools are. Lots of mornings / assemblies / dress up days. I just about cope with 2!

This.

Who's to say you'll feel happy and 'done' with a third? Now you have three, might as well go on and have a fourth...Wait a while and perhaps talk things through with a therapist to get to the root of this yearning.

I still would like to have a third, but I accept that it's impractical. Over time (my youngest DC is 4) it's become less of a strong feeling, although it's still there. When friends and acquaintances have a third I feel it more strongly. Ultimately I don't think it's fair for my wants to take precedence over the rest of the family.

It's a bit worrying that everyone thinks this why do you think that is? I suspect you're subconsciously giving off indications that you're not actually all that happy about having two children the same sex for so many to pick up on that vibe, especially if you've been so desperate for a third since number two arrived.

Out of interest when you say "we can afford it" is that your opinion or do you actually know? Most women friends I know who said that were STAHM or worked part time or earned significantly less and the financial responsibility lay with their husband/partner. So they didn't actually know. And that's the biggest deciding factor isn't it? How hands on is he as a dad? Really hands on then maybe he is done with the baby years and therefore has equal say

I've a friend who was going to have 4. She got to 3 and said she wishes she stopped at 2. She obviously loved her son and amazing mum but says life is complicated now with 3. Holidays, time, you only got two hands she said and when she had 3 under 5 it was a struggle. Her oldest one is very independent and she wondered if that's because he didn't get as much time with her. Not sure if that's any help.

Started off a hard no. Then after a couple of years was a bit softer... then I think he just sort of realised I wasn't giving up so agreed for me. Also DD was probably around 3-4 at the time and just adorable so think he relented.
At the end of the day so many things happen to us that you can't control and we just cope with it... what would DH do if you had an accidental pregnancy? Not suggesting you do this btw but I know DH from before he agreed would have taken a month or two to get his head round it then just got on with it...

It's a very common feeling when your baby is around 1. It does pass though. Babies are lovely. They don't really take up much time, space, money.

But they grow up. And cost a lot of all the above! I have more than 2, and while I wouldn't be without any of them (obviously) they are now all teenagers. All involved in multiple hobbies, all going in multiple different directions at the same time. We live in a rural area. Our life is a constant cycle of rushing to bring someone somewhere.

Your husband's idea to wait a while is a good one. You're young. You're healthy. Your babies are small. There is no rush to have another immediately. He says he'll revisit in 6 months? I'd give it at least a year, possibly 2. If you still really want another at that point there's still time.

When mine were small I could happily have had a baby a year! When my youngest was 1-2 I genuinely honestly considered another. I'm so glad I resisted!

Maybe you have an addiction to having babies or pregnancy or something? I can’t be bothered to google but I bet it’s a thing.

Why the rush to have a third? Even if you wait a couple of years, the gap still won't be that big.

Your children are still so little, focus and enjoy them.

I really wanted 3 but DH only wanted 2, unfortunately (or fortunately!) They don't come in half measures so there was no way to compromise, basically one of us had to give, it was me this time (sometimes it's him but in this occasion it was me). My DDs are now 15 and 17 and well on their way to becoming fabulous young women and I regret nothing. Yes, I would have loved a third but life is about compromise, we don't always get what we want. It does cross my mind that I wanted a third and I stand by that but I don't spend a lot of time dwelling on it.

Those are all nice reasons to have a 3rd but you're not trying to decide whether you want a 3rd, are you? If your husband doesn't want a 3rd then you'll stick at 2, right? You'll want bright sides of sticking at 2/ways to get over the feeling of wanting a 3rd.

My guess is you would have been happy with two had they been the opposite sex? If that’s the case and you get the same sex again how will you feel?

Ever since #2 came along I've known I'd like a third.

This is an odd thing to say. How can you say you enjoy having young children when you've not spent any time enjoying your second child and for the whole year they've been here you've been unsatisfied? I would suggest speaking to someone professionally about this mindset, it's not normal to yearn for another baby when you've actually got one.

Me lol.

My god I’m so happy the third child didn’t happen for us. I’m now fifty. Have my hands completely and totally full of my nuclear family, elderly parents and work. There is absolutely no way in hell we could have afforded it time or money wise. We were completely focused on the baby-toddler stage without any thought to them getting older and getting loads of extra curriculars and the required money for everything associated with children. Honestly really think about 3x everything and what that looks like.

Even down to the holiday we’ve just been on. The bloody tickets to everything was so expensive, multiply those by three and half the stuff wouldn’t have happened. Let alone uni costs, weddings, house deposits.

Based on your last post it’s therapy you need, not another baby.

You’re desperately searching for something you feel only children can give you, something tells me you won’t be satisfied with 3 children, you’ll want another and another.

I wanted 3 dh didn’t, tbh I’m glad we didn’t, 3 would mean an odd number, someone left out, would have to have bought a bigger house, a bigger car, our children wouldn’t have had the same opportunities that they have had,