DH does not want a third

But do you adore teenagers? Or older children?

Because logically a third child isn't going to stay a baby or toddler for long, and then you'll find yourself with three children at primary school. And then three teenagers.

@VeterinaryCareAssistant is it just about babies? Did you other children never feel enough when you kept having children?

We wanted 4. Late miscarriage then DS1. MMC and a miscarriage at 7 weeks then DS2 who was born at 27 weeks and had a heart condition incompatible with life. DD was born, by a small miracle 51 weeks later.

DH still wanted a third, I did but was adamant I couldn't go through another loss if that were the price. A year or so later, I wanted to try and DH didn't. It became academic because I'd have wanted to be done by 41 and time was ticking.

A part of me regrets not trying for a third deeply. Another part of me knows it would have prevented starting a second career and taking professional qualifications at 43 once dd was settled in reception. Money wasn't an issue but my personal growth was and as I head I to my mid 60s the occupational pension is increasingly welcome. Going back to work also kept me grounded with the world away from our domestic privilege and I think it helped the children be more independent.

This!

The decision would be around work for me. Can you get back into your career after 3 mat leaves? I couldn't in my field.

What will a third child provide that the first two haven't? Or are you hoping for a different sex?

And what happens once you've had the third, will you then want a 4th and so on?

Why will 3 be enough?

I was so broody that I had three children under 2.5 years at one point.

Then I left a 4 year gap and had another three.

I've always found an overwhelming urge the second the baby is born to do it all again.

I'd be constantly buying baby clothes and keeping a supply of bits for the 'next one'.

Now that I'm 44 and the youngest is 16 I feel done. I felt 'done' when the youngest was around 2 years old.

But I do have grandchildren now.

I could have gone a third when the kids were both your kids ages, and DH would still like a third (ours are 7 and 5 now). We also can afford it easily, house and car big enough etc. But there were not enough ticks in the ‘pro’ column compared to the ‘con’s. Both of our kids are smart, kind, lovely people and they get on like a house on fire. I personally see having babies as a game of Russian roulette. We’ve pulled that trigger twice and both times got really lucky, it feels a bit tempting fate, and that the third time it would blow up in our faces.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you to feel the way you do OP. Though maybe you need to slow down a bit & enjoy the time with your little ones now rather than racing ahead to the next one. I personally found nothing magical about the baby stage & enjoy my DD much more now she’s 6 but she was an extremely unsettled baby & has now been diagnosed with autism. That’s the thing, every time you have a baby you roll the dice. It sounds like you’ve been lucky so far so it’s worth considering how you’d cope if your child had SEN/ medical or behavioural needs.

Your baby is only one. It seems like a fair thing that your DH is willing to have the discussion again in six months. Maybe wait till then and see how you feel?

My DH was done after two at first, but we ended up having three more. Things do change.

You were already wanting another after your first was born and again after your second. Why don't you just slow things down and enjoy and appreciate every stage of the two children that you do have, instead of always looking for the next one?

I have 3 and it’s hard. Funnily enough, not so much when they were little but as they got older. If I had my time again I’m not sure I’d do it. Three teens is hard work! And expensive.

I often feel that I’ve let down my older child by having 3, I was emotionally less available to her - too frazzled by all the arguments!

Looking at the range of answers, everyone is so glad with whatever they ended up doing. They've made peace with their choice and so will you.

(Though personally I'd suggest having a third! 😂)

I have three DC, but I was in a similar situation to you in that I LOVED having babies and really wanted a 4th, but DH put his foot down so we didn't.

In my experience @watermelonsugarr the broodiness does go. In fact, I had a pregnancy scare a few years ago and was extremely relieved not to be pregnant!

Three DC is hard work. When they were little I struggled with DC3, who was a terrible sleeper and a tricky toddler (much more difficult than the other two). They're all teens now, they're great kids but they're all really sporty which means that DH and I are constantly driving them around to training and matches. They all want to go to uni which will be very expensive. I am so glad we didn't have a 4th!

Good luck OP in making peace with this decision. Enjoy your lovely family!

For a different perspective… have a think about how you would cope if any major life events happened.
in my case I had 2 boys and wasn’t sure about having another.we had a good life. Eventually decided not to but found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. I had a missed miscarriage at my 12w scan. So we decided to give it 6 months before making any major decisions. 4 months later I was pregnant again with twins so went from 2-4. Husband then became an alcoholic and we separated so now ima single mum of 4 kids. Life is hard. I’m on the verge of losing our home. I have very little money. And while I wouldn’t change them for all the world life certainly would have been different with just 2.

What if No 3 turns out to be twins? Thisis not uncommon from what Ihave read on here.

There's nothing wrong with you OP you're just broody. For me having a newborn was enough to scare me off kids for life but I accept it's not the same for everyone!

Just be careful as a school mum friend of mine convinced her DH to go for a third and had twins!

I'm feeling like this except I currently have 1 and don't feel done yet which I know is different to having 2 then considering a third but it's that similar feeling of sadness and possible regret.

Iv always been on the fence about another one because my daughter has always been so amazingly behaved, slept through the night since newborn, adapted to pretty much every situation so we can still go out and do lots with her so don't feel like we have been too restricted from our 'old lifestyle' which are important things to consider as well as having to divide your attention to another baby.

My age also factors into it as well (mid 30s). Those urges can sometimes just be urges and sometimes the reality doesn't match but maybe focusing on enjoying your second for these next 6 months will change your perspective!

I really wanted a third, DH not so much. Well it happened, down to carelessness and I was so happy. My third turned out to be an amazing kid but that was it for me.I was completely done at three.

We always agreed on two. But when dc2 came along I wanted another almost straight away. My dh at the time was less keen but I think he would have gone for it if I had been really eager. However these feelings faded probably around the time when dc1 started school, dc2 would have been around 18 months then. Life just became very very busy.

I'm a single parent now with 9 and 6 year olds. I am so glad we didn't have a third. I couldn't have coped with 3 kids on my own. I'm very lucky that the two I do have play together very nicely and have some of the same interests. They have a great bond but I feel immense guilt that they don't get enough 1:1 time with me really.

With the way you describe why you want a third child, why would you stop at 3. Have you thought about the teenage years when they are expensive, more independent and not so cute!

Well it’s not. She can discuss it till the end of time if she chooses to. She can decide that her need for a third trumps his choice and resent him for it.

Yes. We have 2 and I wanted 3 - except by the time my kids reached 7/8 the gap became so big I now wouldn't want a baby, so I naturally outgrew my longing for another one. I am now so glad we are out of the baby phase and have no desire whatsoever to have a third !! But I empathise on the emotional turmoil!