DH does not want a third

I wanted 4. Dh wanted 5. After 2 I said no more. I simply knew that this family was complete. And nothing since has dissuaded me of that certainty. Two, imo is the perfect amount. One parent can hold each hand. There's always a parent to sit with them on a train/ plane / rollercoaster. They are such good friends and have someone who will share their childhood. We are able to spend so much on them. The four person family, society wise, is supported- two child benefit, one paying adult one free child, most cars, most restaurant tables and family rooms, most sports and games, cutlery and crockery sets, so much! It's all geared to the four person family. It's ideal.

That all said. If I hadn't felt that sense of done, of complete, at baby 2, I don't know how I'd have felt.

😂😂😂😂 don’t presume to tell me I won’t be done. I 100% will be.

also get back in your lane. I clearly explained to him I wanted 4 children when we got married. He entered a life with me knowing that was very important to me.

flip the script. You get married and say “I want children” then your husband says “no changed my mind” and you would be ok with that? Wise up

I haven't found the mix of boys and girls an issue. I think three can be an awkward number which we relieved by going to number 4. Then came #5 and personality seems to govern who is closer, though there are no odd ones out.

I can't imagine wanting 3 children as I am OAD and find everything about being a parent hard.

However I do have some friends who have 3.
They say it's like being a referee breaking up squabbling and everything is so expensive. Take your eyes off them for a few minutes and they trash the house.
You are outnumbered, childcare/babysitters are hard to come by.
Also there will be 2 boys or 2 girls, then one of the opposite gender. One friend who had 1 of each then another boy said the little one always feels left out.
Another family of 3 have the same and the little girl (middle child) is always in my house as her brother's don't play with her!
I don't mean this to sound so negative 😅...it does sound like you really want another baby, but why not wait a bit longer?
Enjoy the children you have for a while. They are still very little.

2 quick easy healthy babies does not suggest a third will be like this.

It's just a stupid assumption. When I was pregnant with my third people couldn't understand why as I already had one of each. Just stupid.

I wanted five. Then had an emergency section with number one and I was done. When he was 1, on his birthday actually when we'd gone to bed dh said he wanted another. I wasn't ready but when I wasn't pregnant month one, two, and I was disappointed I knew I was ready and she was conceived. We then had another, again at dh behest. They are now 19, 21 and 23 and it is brilliant but it was very hard at times. I have divorced very recently and I am so grateful they have each other to get support from and I am greatly appreciative that they are giving me support too. As for their dad who wanted them as much as me? It's like he's forgotten he is meant to be their father because they are adults...

I didn't think I was done after 2. DH was happy either way - but probably would have been happy to stop at 2. All the baby stuff went up the loft and was kept for a possible no 3. Felt like that til dd2 was about 2 not quite ready to be done. Until another mum with same name as me was pregnant with her no 3. Lots of people assumed it was me and started congratulating me, my gut reaction was h*ll no not me! That's when I realised I was done 😆 All the baby stuff came out of the loft and was donated. I think once the postpartum hormones and therefore broodiness settled I realised 2 was enough.

I went through this periodically until my youngest started school. I sobbed so hard that first day I dropped her off - harder than when my eldest started. I knew it was because the baby and early years was over. I grieved that day, but never looked back! It was time for the next stage of parenting, and I’m throughly enjoying the primary school years.

Well we wanted 2 and had 3. Of course we wouldn't swap this for an anything in the world but we didn't plan it.

Mostly for us it has been on the financial side (as we didn't plan for 3 as I said).

One of us became a SAHP as it was just two difficult and costly to navigate 3 nursery drop offs and childcare (minimal support). That in itself has had a massive impact on our finances.

For holidays it's always 20% more, an extra bedroom, an extra room, an extra car seat etc.

Coming up to teen years has been heavy going, anything we spend on the eldest we had to ensure we could afford a second and third time, same with driving lessons, school trips, uni, hobbies etc.

It's of course harder to carve out as much quality time with each individual child.

So overall much poorer financially but richer in family overall.

My DD is 14 months and I'm already longing for another. My DH also wants another but practically he would prefer us to move house first etc so we don't get "stuck" where we are for another maternity leave.

I've basically said that as I'm happy either way I'll leave the contraception solely up to him. About half of the time he wears a condom, and he almost always pulls out. I'm still secretly praying I'll fall pregnant though 😂

Feels like you’re getting some odd responses and catty comments assuming you just want a girl. My dh and I were on the same page about having 3 and went for it and we immediately felt done once they were here. We had one of each and people thought we were strange for wanting another, but it wasn’t about them being a boy or a girl. I would say that at this point, waiting 6 months for a chat is ideal. Right now you have a baby and a child, which is different to having two children who talk, walk, constantly ask you for stuff, no nap breaks while the baby sleeps etc. We decided to wait until our second one was 2 and to see how having two children felt. It might make your decision for you! Good luck making peace with the decision either way. I never felt broody or wanted another baby stage. It was a down payment on the family we wanted in future. But whether to have a third is definitely a question that can take up huge amounts of mental and emotional energy, so you have my sympathies.

If it's just about liking small children and babies. Just don't do it.

Littleones are hard and tiring but teens are a whole new level of tricky. Spreading yourselves over 3 not 2 will be hard.

Focus on future beyond next 5 years.

You’ve got two boys then huh?

I have 3 DC and have just gone back to work full time so it is definitely possible. Of course, it’s expensive though!

I would’ve stopped at 2 DC if given the choice though. I had twins so ended up with a bonus baby.

We had 3. The youngest Is 17 today. Cant imagine life without her. She's been a funny little joy for the main. Her sister is 20. Her brother is 27. So we had one of each and for some reason I desperately felt like a 3rd. My husband was on board as long as I knew what that would mean. He worked away from home and that couldn't change and he knew I'd be the main carer. Was fine with me. My pregnancies were all easy also. If she had been a boy we would have had to move house so I didn't leave the scan room till she could confirm sex and that was the only reason I was happy with it being a girl. Yes we needed a bigger car. Yes holidays cost more. Yes the girls shared rooms till just last year. But they all get on great. No one is left out at all. We've just got back from a meal with the 3 of them and all 3 partners. Was lovely. And luckily, when she was born, all broodiness disappeared. But we were both on board. That is important. Not sure how I would have felt otherwise tbh.

I have four under six! Luckily DH was on board with that and we had always discussed having a big family.

I am not sure if I am done yet. Probably, but not definitely.

Has DH explained why he’s against a third baby? Communication is the key here. I do understand how you feel though, I would be very unhappy, and I just don’t know what you can do with that pain. 💐

I had four. I was lucky, easy births, easy babies, they were gorgeous and I loved being pregnant.

I would have had a dozen if I hadn't realised that my eldest DC wasn't getting the attention he deserved as I was too busy with the younger ones.

I was broody for years, but I know we made the right decision.

I really wanted three, DH is done at two and so two we have. The feeing has eased over time as they have grown. I could possibly have a baby now but it's unlikely at my age and I am able to feel content with the family we have (although I've not thrown out the baby clothes yet).

I would say that I've never felt as broody as when I held my newborns - something about growing and having a tiny baby made me desperate for this not to be the last time:

I am amazed by you all wanting more than 2. I couldnt wait for my second to be born so I can feel done. I felt done with #1 but I wanted her a sibling. Cant wait for baby days to be over. My DH and I are on the same page. We feel complete with 2 and no more.

Funnily enough both my best friends are one of three and HATED it. Missed out as scheduled clashed for activities and play dates between them, house was chaos, there was a fair gap between youngest and oldest and each resented the other for different reasons. They’re both the middle kids and said the first sibling was the “favourite made us parents” first born and the last one was the “one that completed the family” and they both had the impression of being “just the middle kid”.

I really find it an odd thing when people say how despite having kids they haven’t “completed” their idea of a family - just sucks to have it implied that you aren’t enough.

If there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with me too! I have a 6yo and a 1yo - different sexes - and since the youngest was a tiny baby I have had the feeling that I don't want her to be the last baby I have. I am so broody for a third, and my husband doesn't want one. I keep thinking of the practicalities and that my life will be easier with 2 than 3. But the heart wants what it wants. I am just going to have to accept that. But for what it's worth, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It's just biology, hormones and desires, and a reflection on how much you love your family that you would love to add to it.

The thing to be really clear with yourself is do you want another child. Not another baby. Another child.

It's actually relatively easy with three when they are all small, not operating independently and can all be moved as a pack. Its also not that expensive because stuff can be reused.

However, once they are children with hobbies, friends and activities life and logistics get much more complicated. A sports match for number one, a dance competition for number two and a friends birthday party for number three all.at the same time.on a Saturday afternoon. All of which need a parent to attend. So someone has to.miss.out.

And three lots of school shoes, music lessons, sports clubs etc get really expensive.

And everything is set up for families of.four, holidays, activities, meals etc. Therefore the third child sometimes effectively doubles the price. Two hotel rooms not one.

Both of you need to want that, and it does mean much less time by yourself because of the logistics and need to.be clear that you are happy with the financial sacrifices.

Baby stage is amazing. Just try and enjoy it as much as you can whilst you are it, rather than thinking about what's next