How much to give brother for honeymoon?

£100 if you’re going to the wedding. I think it’s cheeky to go to the wedding and give a small amount. Yes you’ve not seen him for a while but he has invited you to the wedding so you’re not estranged or anything.

I feel as though I am living in a parallel universe to the majority on here.

Honestly if you can’t be the bigger person on your brother’s wedding day, then why bother at all?

And if the relationship doesn’t improve from then on, at least you can hold your head up high and know you have really tried to do the right thing.

I can’t believe you are contemplating not attending at all op, or only for your mother’s sake. And it sounds as though your partner is discouraging you from going? Why is he doing that?

There must be more to all of this than your brother being absent and not responding to your messages. Sibling relationships aren’t transactional. How did you get on as children?

Sometimes it is a really hard transition when you have been a very close, tight knit family and then your brothers and sisters go out in to the world and find their partners and establish new families. But nothing stays the same forever. And families need to adjust, expand, and welcome in newcomers.

You may not know all the details as to why your future sil is “needy” op, in your eyes. She may just be young for her age or have something else going on that you don’t know about. Why do you care if you are not close to your brother anyway? He is marrying her not you! None of this makes sense!

Just give as much as you can afford and be generous and wish them well.

I’m astounded by these replies. Do people really give £200 as a wedding present?

I thought £50 was generous, whether you go to the wedding or not.

How big their wedding is or how much catering costs is not your responsibility.

I'd go to the wedding, £100 gift, to see other family and not burn bridges.

I have a similar relationship with my DB, it hasn't changed at all over the decades despite my efforts. I gave up a long time ago and accept it for what it is. I need some level of amicability however because of our parents and his DC. I am very disengaged though, I have to be, otherwise I do feel hurt, as he has made his disinterest very clear.

"I wouldn’t contribute to this, I’d get a nice card, write a heartfelt true message and maybe make up a small photo album of your family times together. Maybe it’ll joy his memory."

Wow 🤣

I wouldn’t contribute to this, I’d get a nice card, write a heartfelt true message and maybe make up a small photo album of your family times together. Maybe it’ll joy his memory.

I would go and treat the wedding as justa time to get all the family together and see everyone, you get a free meal, probably 1 or 2 drinks paid for! Then i'd co tribute £50 after the wedding as i usually do for honeymoon gifts 🤷🏼‍♀️ basically i'd have a great time, you probably will barely see him anyway, i only ever get a couple of conversations with bride/groom at weddings as they are busy and there is so many people

You could say it’s entitled to have a wedding in the middle of nowhere putting your guests to extreme spending.

Some of these hotels charge £££ for a room and food.

Wow, you punished the couple because you're too mean to get a taxi? Incredible entitled behaviour.

That would be horrible. Don't do this, OP.

I'd go £100 to cover the food for you and your partner.

That’s very gracious and sensible.

Well, that's insane. Who books their honeymoon depending on donations from friends and family? They should be saving up for it. And gifts are given AT the wedding, not months in advance.

Re his wedding, it sounds like it would be a nice excuse to see your wider family? You could go for that reason.

Yes!

Also, £50 is as mean as fuck. £200 because he's your brother and he's getting married.

Gosh what is it with the expectation to receive money for a wedding present?! I’ve not heard of “covering your plate”. I find the whole asking for money thing awkward and I personally don’t like it (although it is the done thing). We are not asking for anything from our wedding guests. Weddings are expensive enough to attend as it is. £50 in a nice card is fine.

I specifically said no gifts for my wedding. We had an event that was not expensive and were delighted to pay for our guests. That’s what hosting is.

I'm astounded some are suggesting £100+ for a brother who can't be bothered to see or talk to you! The expense of attending the wedding when they can't be arsed is enough, but if you want to donate to make sure he doesn't act pathetic about it then don't stretch yourself financially- £50 is more than enough

"I'd go and nake a big deal of saying in front of the guests how nice to see him after all these years. Such a shame it had to be at his wedding and not before, would be great to have a post wedding catch up. Especially since you have contributed to his honeymoon, you'd like to see the pictures blah, blah."

You'd look a right knobhead then. And in a few years when they potentially have children and things become more family focussed again for him, you'd be on the sidelines.

I wouldn’t give money to my brothers for a wedding gift. I stitched a wedding sampler and got it framed for the most recent wedding. I know people will disagree but I think it’s quite off expecting friends and family to pay for a honeymoon. We wanted to go to St Lucia so we saved up. I would never ask for contributions for a glorified holiday.

"Give them an actual gift. A cherry blossom tree? A book about Japan. Something that shows you care. But not ££."

Why? God some people are such dickheads when it comes to weddings.

Yes, it would've been extremely crass to ask for money as a gift in years gone by. And now it's perfectly normal.

That probably wouldn't make him squirm, it'd just make the OP look really passive aggressive. It'd make the OP look like the bad guy.

It’s really not. Regardless of the relationship ops brother will be spending money to host her.
I got married nearly 30 years ago. Lots of the guests were students, some had traveled to get there, some just gave a card- all lovely it was their presence not presents we wanted. If you’re solvent a wedding gift should be expenses +

£0

I don't understand why people want others to fund a holiday for them.

Op, your feelings are your own, but honestly,
I think you are being a tad harsh.

What young men in their twenties are very devoted to their families in general and their sisters in particular?

And loads of people didn’t see or speak to family as much during the pandemic and are only catching up in the last year or so.

I have a nephew that age and I know I am an aunt rather than a sibling, but I would be a bit worried if I heard from him constantly! The odd WhatsApp is fine!

I get that it’s hurtful when your messages don’t receive a response but your twenties are the time when you are out and about and being a bit selfish; focusing on friends, travel, establishing a career and finding a partner.

He’s your brother! Go and celebrate his wedding and don’t make it all about you and your grudging feelings. Fine if it turns out that you are not close and you don’t like his future wife, but give them a chance at the start fhs!

If her family live nearby then they are obviously going to spend more time with them. You sound a tad jealous or resentful about your brother establishing his own life. And I understand that is an adjustment as a sister. Or is this attitude coming from your parents?

Try and dig down in your own mind as to where these feelings are coming from, and what exactly has he done wrong?

To my mind, the job of family, is to rally round and support young couples as they start out in life. Irrespective of personalities and little niggles. See the bigger picture! I’m
sure that your brother will really appreciate your support on his big day.

As soon as he and his new wife have dc, their focus will inevitably turn to family and your relationship might evolve.

I think the minimum for a sibling’s wedding present would be £200 and I hope your sil to be is not on Mumsnet as you have been very specific about details. Good luck.

Why? Seriously, to what end?