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AIBU?

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Original poster

To dismiss a guy pursuing me, because he likes metal music?

159 replies

LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 20:13

A nice guy is pursuing me. I don't know him much yet, but he is nice so far.

Something that is making me have 2nd thoughts though... Is that he loves metal music.

I frigging hate metal music.

I like pop, rock, reggae, soul, house, disco, grunge, classical.... Anything but metal. I cant bear to listen to even 30 seconds of metal. To me, it sounds totally demonic. I cannot comprehend why someone would want to listen to that.

I spend a large portion of every day with music playing.

This guy says he listens to metal 80% of the time.

I'd love to meet someone who I can really vibe and dance with, and just enjoy listening to the same music together.

AIBU to dismiss a guy for his music tastes? Even if he is a nice guy, respectful, handsome, very sporty/muscly...?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 02/08/2024 21:19

If it’s important to you then it’s entirely up to you to not pursue it any further. Whether that’s the right decision, well I guess you’ll never know.

grywknd · 02/08/2024 21:19

I’d dismiss him if he didn’t like metal music. Musical compatibility is one of my red lines.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/08/2024 21:17

LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 20:57

This is literally what I want - evenings at home enjoying music together (and gigs too, of course), be that on the radio, or Spotify, or as you say BBC live shows. I find that so fun.

I'm glad you replied because I feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way so deeply, haha

PS thought you were really hating on the band James for a moment haha

Show quote history

I love James!

TonyeKnausgaard · 02/08/2024 21:17

You can send him my way! He sounds great

WouldUSayImWorthy · 02/08/2024 21:14

I'm hoping for something from this century.

Bad Omens
Bring Me the Horizon
Sleep Token

Give me the good stuff OP, I love hearing new things.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/08/2024 21:13

LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 21:03

He likes Star Wars and Deadpool and Guardians of he Galaxy 😒

I like Parasite, La La Land, Eternal Sunshine...

Were basically opposites.

I don't even know what we would do together if having a night in.

We both like video games but I don't wanna do that all the time 🤨

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Errmmm....can I have his number?!

LegoTherapy · 02/08/2024 21:13

Yeah, we need examples of the songs.

My music taste goes from
Slayer to Don Williams 🤷🏼‍♀️

justinhawkinsnavalfluff · 02/08/2024 21:10

I wouldn't even trust someone who didn't like heavy metal let alone sleep with them!

WouldUSayImWorthy · 02/08/2024 21:08

That is good advice, shag him!

It's the very definition of fuck around and find out...

x2boys · 02/08/2024 21:07

LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 21:00

🤣
I'm laughing, but I do think this is decent advice (within reason).

I did fancy him. But I'm not overly flirtatious or anything. Out of nowhere he started saying he can't sleep with anyone until he has emotional connection, etc. which is fine. But I was a bit like 🤨 because I hadn't even mentioned sex.

I thought this was his way of saying he didn't fancy me, but he's been pursuing me heavily since. So, a bit confusing.

Honestly I think I'm just not feeling it.

Show quote history

If your not feeling it that's fair enough ,I think his taste in music is probably irrelevant though .

Mummadeze · 02/08/2024 21:06

I think it would put me off. I just wish I had a partner who only wants to watch reality TV but the likelihood of that happening is very low! Bonding over common interests seems like a good starting point though.

x2boys · 02/08/2024 21:04

What kind of metal are you talking about?
Metallica ,Megadeth ,
Or more thrash death metal. ?
The former is more mainstream.
I love rock music and Metallica etc I never really understood thrash ,death etc as it seemed to be more screaming ,but people like what they like and you don't have to like someone for any reason, but it doesn't define them.

Original poster
LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 21:04

cupcaske123 · 02/08/2024 21:02

Honestly I think I'm just not feeling it.

I think that's the problem here, rather than his taste in music.

I think so 🤦‍♀️
I wish it wasn't the case because he is really lovely.
Oh well!

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 21:03

Wormfanclub · 02/08/2024 20:55

Do you have other things in common? Tv, films, books, hobbies? Shared cultural references?

I would give him a chance.

Men who like metal are usually some of the nicest, most decent and respectful blokes out there. Something to think about.

He likes Star Wars and Deadpool and Guardians of he Galaxy 😒

I like Parasite, La La Land, Eternal Sunshine...

Were basically opposites.

I don't even know what we would do together if having a night in.

We both like video games but I don't wanna do that all the time 🤨

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 02/08/2024 21:02

Honestly I think I'm just not feeling it.

I think that's the problem here, rather than his taste in music.

BobVanceVanceRefridgeration · 02/08/2024 21:02

And gig wise we've been to Bon Jovi, Mark Knopfler, Eric Clapton, Film scores at the royal Albert hall, The Who and even Madonna

I've gone with friends to see more pop gigs and likewise metal for him

WouldUSayImWorthy · 02/08/2024 21:00

I love metal and really want to know some of the songs he's sent you 😁

My husband doesn't love what I listen to (and I have music on ALL the time) but y'know, we survive.

I go to gigs with other people. It's fine. As long as he's not a music snob about it, there's no big issue really.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 02/08/2024 21:00

Huge metal fan!
I'm also a 90s boy band fan!
Love love love it!
Been with my husband since we were young teens.
He listens to a lot of 90s Brit pop, indie and the odd rock band. Both listen to a lot of music and respect that we have different tastes.
He has been to a metal concert with me (Metallica) very surprised how friendly and chilled everyone was....no one throwing cups of urine like the indie concerts.
I love dance, theatre etc.
He is football obsessed (season ticket the lot) I cant stand football!
But we get on very well and he is my best friend even after 21 years together. We have similar life goals, morals and outlook on life!

If you're going to not date with a perfectly nice man because of a different music interest then that's up to you. But you're never going to find someone who likes all the exact same things as you.

There is a saying...opposites attract.

Original poster
LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 21:00

Ilovelurchers · 02/08/2024 20:55

Do you know what I would do, OP? I would have sex with him. (Provided you are both up for recreational sex with someone you are attracted to, before there are necessarily strong feelings involved).

I think once you have done that, you'll know what your feelings really are for this guy, and whether it is worth finding a work-around to the metal issue.....

Otherwise you may never know.....

It's always worked for me. I have to have sex with a person to know whether I am truly into them or not. Before that it's all a bit vague and fuzzy......

🤣
I'm laughing, but I do think this is decent advice (within reason).

I did fancy him. But I'm not overly flirtatious or anything. Out of nowhere he started saying he can't sleep with anyone until he has emotional connection, etc. which is fine. But I was a bit like 🤨 because I hadn't even mentioned sex.

I thought this was his way of saying he didn't fancy me, but he's been pursuing me heavily since. So, a bit confusing.

Honestly I think I'm just not feeling it.

OP posts:
PruneInTheNest · 02/08/2024 20:58

My dh almost exclusively listens to Taylor swift, ed Sheeran and avril lavigne. (He is otherwise very stereotypically manly 😂) I always joke he has the music taste of a 13 year old girl.

we just use headphones, or try and find a common ground. E.g we both like fleetwood mac, it’s pretty inoffensive, so if we want to listen to music out loud/around each other we listen to that. It wouldn’t be our first choice if we were on our own but when we’re together it’s a compromise lol

BobVanceVanceRefridgeration · 02/08/2024 20:58

My DH is a metalhead. I am an 80s girl.

When we first met I genuinely worried about the music he seemed to like and would listen to. Like you, I think it sounds demonic! I am much more into pop and easy listening (I recently saw Take That who were awesome)

We found some middle ground. He introduced me to pearl jam and he found a love for dire straits.

We tend to listen to rock when in the same room which is a middle ground for us but I know when he is plugged into headphones, the demonic music is playing 😛

He has mellowed with age and even ventured into a bit of old school Phil Collins. We also have young children now and he loves to play some of the heavier rock/softer metal to them and they all thrash around together. It's quite cute really!

If I'd have dismissed him out of hand 18 years ago I can't fathom all the good things I would have missed out on

Original poster
LilacCatt · 02/08/2024 20:57

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/08/2024 20:44

Sorry I was dictating and I meant to say I cannot wear headphones!

For me, a joint joint appreciation music is so important. We listen to and talk about music all the time.

Just the other day the BBC had an evening about Prince, with a concert etc. It was really good watching it together with my husband.

I think it depends how important music is to you.

I remember that my mother-in-law was not interested in music at all, in which case it wouldn't matter what her husband liked.

But for me, music is such a major part of my life that I want to be able to share it with someone.

Show quote history

This is literally what I want - evenings at home enjoying music together (and gigs too, of course), be that on the radio, or Spotify, or as you say BBC live shows. I find that so fun.

I'm glad you replied because I feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way so deeply, haha

PS thought you were really hating on the band James for a moment haha

OP posts:
sandrapinchedmysandwich · 02/08/2024 20:57

coldcallerbaiter · 02/08/2024 20:22

Don’t be ridiculous

This. Look at his qualities, his values and morals plus his life goals. His music taste and dancing round the kitchen are really not that important in the grand scheme of things

LordPercyPercy · 02/08/2024 20:56

Metallers tend to be lovely guys, so your loss, but you can bin someone off for any reason or none really.

Ilovelurchers · 02/08/2024 20:55

Do you know what I would do, OP? I would have sex with him. (Provided you are both up for recreational sex with someone you are attracted to, before there are necessarily strong feelings involved).

I think once you have done that, you'll know what your feelings really are for this guy, and whether it is worth finding a work-around to the metal issue.....

Otherwise you may never know.....

It's always worked for me. I have to have sex with a person to know whether I am truly into them or not. Before that it's all a bit vague and fuzzy......

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