To dismiss a guy pursuing me, because he likes metal music?

i Had a list of things I’d dismiss for when OLD a few years ago

being called Dave was one of them

@LilacCatt is NBU

Yanbu that would put me right off. I'm not good with certain sounds and wouldn't cope with someone playing it in my house.

I can sort of understand your point of view. I do like metal and my DH really doesn't. I only listen to it when he's not around. I think a lot of the music he likes sounds really bland. I love him very much, so I'm prepared to compromise on this, but I think I'd be even happier if our musical tastes were more similar. So as this is someone you don't know very well at all yet, it wouldn't be outrageous to avoid getting into a relationship with him. I think you would know it was love if you were prepared to overlook the musical differences.

@LilacCatt what matters are your core values. What do you both feel is the answer to certain current issues? Are you on the same page or poles apart? How do you feel kids should be parented (if you see kids playing up in the supermarket would one of you be more annoyed)? Are you politically like-minded? Music taste - it’s nice if you can have some overlap but no harm in having different tastes.

Ah no, I feel sorry for Heavy Metal Harry. He sounds like a good dude.

If it’s important to you, then you don’t need to ask Mumsnet for validation.

‘Metal’ is a very broad genre though. You say you like rock and grunge, both of which would be considered as metal by a lot of people. Obviously if this bloke literally only listens to death metal you’re probably not going to like it, but loads of metal music isn’t like that at all and massively overlaps with some of the music you claim you like.

Yes if music is that important to you then I absolutely would not be bothering with him. However music is not something that interests me at all. I was chatting to a guy on bumble recently who kept banging on about how much he loved it and gigs etc. I told him I wasn’t interested in music at all and he unmatched me immediately. No worries

this ^
It's a really broad genre.. if you go on You Tube, there are kids playing Metallica on the flute, the piano and classical guitar. It made me look at it in a whole different way.

Ask him to make you a play list of the most accessible metal music he likes. And make him a playlist of the rock genre that you like - It could actually turn out to be a really fun comparison.

You may not like the same genre, but you both understand really liking music

He listens to negative demon music not a red flag at all

You'll never know unless you try. He could be the love of your life and you've dismissed him just because he likes a bit of Swedish death metal 😂

Give him a test drive to some Slipknot, you never know, you might like it...

I can’t stand 90% of my DH’s music choices!
I’m the metal/rock lover whereas he loves a bit of everything, there’s certain songs I just can’t cope with and he knows it, we always compromise when we are listening together and will skip songs if it’s one the other person really dislikes!
We do send each other songs we’ll think the other will enjoy and that’s definitely helped us build a playlist that we both enjoy listening to!

We might have to have a raffle for him!

There's quite a queue forming.

Yes cause historically all the most evil people in history listened to Electric Guitars being played through speakers with distortion added.

Genghis loved a bit of Black Sabbath
Stalin moshed evey Saturday night to Slipknot
Hitler? He was well into Iron Maiden, had an Eddie tattoo..

🤪

To be absolutely fair, no one owes anyone a relationship, tell him to fuck off for whatever reason you like.
But taste in music? Not something I would ever see as a red flag.

I like rock music, not so much heavy metal but wouldn’t dismiss someone for that. However, it’s absolutely your prerogative - you can decline to pursue a romantic relationship for any reason you want!

To be fair ska gives it a run for its shite one-note all-sounds-the-same money.

DH loves ska.

It can be testing times in our house 😆

Different things are important to different people.

Someone who loves to travel is less likely to be compatible with someone who doesn’t like leaving their home town.

Someone who is seriously into fitness is less likely to be compatible with a couch potato.

Someone who is a foodie is less likely to be compatible with someone who has restrictive eating.

I know lots of great couples who have completely opposite taste in things and they are still really compatible but some things are more important than others.

It depends how big of a part music is to both of their lives.

No one likes reggae it’s the worst music in the world

Can I have your number? 😆

Hmm it's a tricky one. I think if you're not feeling it then you're not feeling it.

With regards to the music taste thing, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I have friends who aren't that fussed about music, and wouldn't mind either way. But music is super important to me and a big part of my life. Not just live music but what music I have on in the car, or at home. I would find it very hard to have a partner who didn't have a decent overlap of musical taste with me.

(Agree with pps that I generally find metal fans to be lovely people, but don't think that helps you here.)

YABU. I'm a horror film buff, while my husband absolutely loathes them. He loves football, it bores me to tears. Somehow our marriage has survived for ten years.
I don't think these things are deemed dealbreakers to many people past the age of about sixteen, sorry.

My son and his gf have quite different music tastes so they take it in turns to see each other’s type of music live. (He’s into Slipknot type stuff, she’s into that American college type stuff) Seems to work for them they’re still mad for each other lol.