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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think 'let me know if I can get any shopping for you' means give me the money you cheeky cow!

52 replies

Milkshakebreaks · 02/08/2024 19:22

AIBU here? A neighbour responds to 'Can I get you anything from the shop?' With yes please, and you buy those items and deliver them

AIBU to say this means that neighbour will pay you back?

Since when did it mean you'd buy the items and not wanting reimbursement? 😡

OP posts:
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stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 02/08/2024 21:03

Milkshakebreaks · 02/08/2024 19:26

For context, this offer was when the neighbour was going through a lot and recently home from the hospital.

One week later (when I saw her in Sainsbury's), I asked her about the money, I just said there's no rush but can I have the money for those bits?

She was shocked and said she thought it was a gift? I chuckled and made my excuses, said I had to go quickly for a pick up etc

Maybe she genuinely though it was a gift since she’d just come out of hospital? Next time ask for the money up front to make it clear you’re just doing the shopping not paying as well.

NotRomanticBreak · 02/08/2024 21:02

She may not have heard you about the receipt as she was preoccupied and on the phone. As she's recovering from surgery and it's under £10, if you can afford it, I'd leave it. I wouldn't necessarily think she was a CF, either, just has a different attitude (she'd do the same for you, perhaps).

ButterCrackers · 02/08/2024 20:50

Just say how much it cost and that they can transfer the amount to you or give you cash when you bring the shopping round. No payment means no shopping.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/08/2024 20:49

I would imagine many elderly or infirm people would be really grateful for anyone getting a few bits of shopping for them and would want to pay for it. I know my parents would and they would then be happier to ask again.

GrumpyPanda · 02/08/2024 20:44

llamajohn · 02/08/2024 19:33

Well, you did make the it sound like a gift saying it like that...

Show quote history

You've got some odd ideas about gift etiquette. I clearly needn't spend so much time in the future to scrape those price stickers off items I gift to somebody!

coxesorangepippin · 02/08/2024 20:44

If they are elderly and vulnerable I don’t think you should go around and offer them anything if you expect them to give you money.

^

Pfft

What the hell is this??!

coxesorangepippin · 02/08/2024 20:43

Just stop offering

It's always complicated for the borrower

I lent SIL money the other week, guess who had to remind her to pay it back?

Moi

Never again

Ghosttofu99 · 02/08/2024 20:40

How old is the sick neighbour? If they are elderly I think offering to get a few bits from the shop, especially if they live alone and are vulnerable, would seem like you were helping them without expecting financial recompense.

If they are elderly and vulnerable I don’t think you should go around and offer them anything if you expect them to give you money.

If they are under retirement age and not vulnerable then UANBU as others have said.

I do think the neighbours circumstances make a difference.

WickieRoy · 02/08/2024 20:31

In her shoes I'd like to think I would have offered, although if others were giving gifts I may have interpreted it as a gift of practical nature.

Chasing a sick neighbour for a tenner would never occur to me in a million years though.

Unless it makes a real difference to your own budget OP I'm cringing hard on your behalf.

NeedToChangeName · 02/08/2024 20:31

She'd been in hospital. It was under £10

I think YANBU to expect her to offer to pay, but YABU to chase her for payment

You've sacrificed good neighbourly relations for the sake of a modest sum of money. I doubt it was worth it

Unrealnotunrealistic · 02/08/2024 20:29

peebles32 · 02/08/2024 20:22

What if the OP can't afford it though??
I think that regardless of whether the neighbour was ill or not she should still have offered. The OP already did something nice by going to the shops.

She was out shopping in Sainsbury’s one week later!

NotRomanticBreak · 02/08/2024 20:22

She may not have heard you about the receipt as she was preoccupied and on the phone. As she's recovering from surgery and it's under £10, if you can afford it, I'd leave it. I wouldn't necessarily think she was a CF, either, just has a different attitude (she'd do the same for you, perhaps).

peebles32 · 02/08/2024 20:22

What if the OP can't afford it though??
I think that regardless of whether the neighbour was ill or not she should still have offered. The OP already did something nice by going to the shops.

Boltonb · 02/08/2024 20:17

It sounded like a gift, the way you’ve described it. It can’t have been much stuff if it only came to £10 so it could feasibly be a favour for a neighbour.

I would always ask for your bank details to pay you back, just in case. But I can see how the misunderstanding has happened

Bellsandthistle · 02/08/2024 20:14

TorroFerney · 02/08/2024 19:55

I dint agree. The favour is you physically getting stuff for someone immobilised or who can’t get to the shop, the favour is not paying for the stuff. Mannners to always offer money, the person doing the favour then decides what they want to do about payment. I thought this was a neighbour, not a friend?

I didn’t know having an operation meant you didn’t spend your own money I’ll remember that if I ever have one, or that if you aren’t hard up you just give a tenners worth of stuff to people!

Edited
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I said she should pay. Of course she should.
However from the outside I would also raise an eyebrow at someone who kept demanding reimbursement of £10 from a poorly woman. I wouldn’t want to know either of them.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/08/2024 20:14

To be fair, if she was recently home from the hospital and it was around a tenner, I'd have just gifted it anyway

Mousefoot · 02/08/2024 20:12

I would have offered in her shoes, but also, I wouldn't have wanted the £10 if I'd done that as a one off for a sick neighbour. It's not really any different to taking a bunch of flowers or a box of chocs and I expect people have been dropping round gifts.

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 02/08/2024 20:10

I would have offered you the money if I were in her shoes. However, if people have been dropping round a lot of gifts and being supportive — and she has been a bit preoccupied with recovering — I don’t actually think it’s that cheeky of her not to have thought of it.

IFollowRivers · 02/08/2024 20:09

The relevant question is - now she knows you did not intend a gift is she paying it back?

Josette77 · 02/08/2024 20:08

I think since she was sick she thought it was a present since it was cheap.

I bring my friends free food when they are sick and I offer to get them stuff.

llamajohn · 02/08/2024 20:04

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 02/08/2024 19:35

What part of saying that the receipt is in the bag made it sound like a gift???

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It was the bit of "I'll leave you to it..." Rather than something like "I'll pop round tomorrow for the cash" or whatever.

blackcatsarethebestcats · 02/08/2024 19:58

If it’s something given to you unprompted then you can assume it’s a gift. If you’ve asked for those specific items you should expect to pay!

redalex261 · 02/08/2024 19:58

TBH I have bought shopping for sick neighbour, under a tenner, she offered cash and I refused. She definitely should’ve offered payment.

Calliopespa · 02/08/2024 19:58

Milkshakebreaks · 02/08/2024 19:58

Of course it wouldn't cross your mind to pay her though? You didn't ask for those oranges, she just got them

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Yeah I’m now wondering though! 🤣

Calliopespa · 02/08/2024 19:58

Different if it was her weekly shop. But a tenner is just a few items and could well fall in gift territory.

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