Would you judge - age?

I had my first at 21. Had 3 by the time I was 26. Some people are curious as facially (due to chubbiness) I look younger than my years and definitely plenty of surprise when I moved to a new office, at the beginning of my last pregnancy, that this was number 3 and not number 1.

I am quite sure there was judgement in my office when I was pregnant with my first but I wasn’t privvy to any of it and people were kind, excited and supportive.

My mum had me at 39 and her first at 32; when I brought up being a bit young for a mum, she said that in her day, over 25 was considered and flagged as old for a first time mum! And her mum (who had her at 18) was just her mum.

Perspective wise, women of all ages have done amazing jobs of motherhood throughout human history. I definitely wouldn’t consider 24 eyebrow raisingly young!

My DD is 1 now and I was 26 when she was born. Most mums in the baby groups I went to were late 20s or early 30s. There was 1 or 2 (depending on the class I went to) older mums in their late 30s and they stuck out. They had older children though so a big age gap between eldest and youngest children.

In my DS's class, the age of the mums span a wide range of ages - the oldest mum could be the mother of the youngest mum! It really doesn't matter to most people.

I'm always intrigued by these posts because where i live (Dublin) a 23 year old getting married would be absolutely unheard of. A baby at that age would be assumed an accident and owning any property impossible unless bought by well off parents. In no way would i judge you but i’d be baffled and assume you were extremely religious

I had a child at twenty one. I was the youngest at baby group . I felt different but not judged. Most other parents were 28-33.

I had my second child at 37, I was the oldest at baby group again I didn't feel judged just slightly out of touch.

Why do you think that? I was in my 30s when I had my first child, as were many others in the baby groups I went to, no one loved the younger mums, why would they?

It's only natural that in general people tend to gravitate to those who are similar to them, it's not a case of judgement. If the situation was reversed would you judge an older mother?

Hi! I'm 23 with a 3.5 yo and 17 mo. I was 19 when I had my eldest. I'm very lucky that my 2 friends also have 2-4 children and we&our children are close in age.
Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever need a chat, I know how hard it can be in mum groups :) x

One of my daughters had her baby at 23. She was also married etc. She did go to a couple of these groups in the town where she lived and many of the mothers were younger than her. In the town I live in she would've been 15 years younger than most of them.

As she returned to work full time by the time the baby was 4.5 months she didn't really have enough time to worry about it.

You will find your " tribe" I'm sure

I'm 32, married and have 4 kids. We had our eldest when I was 21. Yes I am one of the younger mums. But I don't stick out. We are all as shattered as each other! 🤣

I had my first baby when i was 25 and i live in cambridge. I was the youngest there. Everyone its around 30’s. If. You live in posh area then most likely you will be the youngest

I think the Mums will love having a younger Mum there and enjoy your company x

I had DD1 at 23 and have been about 10 years younger than most of the other parents all through nursery and school, right up until uni open days! I think some of the primary school mums looked down on me a bit, and some of them seemed surprised when they found out I had a full time job etc. I did make some proper friends though, if you click with someone age doesn’t matter. Plus sometimes it’s good to be able to talk things through with someone who has a few more years of life experience!

Ok, so I definitely wouldn't judge (for what?) but in a group situation I might subconsciously gravitate towards people closer to my own age - when I had my first child I was 35 so you and I wouldn't even have been in school at the same time (12 yr gap) - that's quite a different life experience IYSWIM in terms of cultural references etc. I think you'd probably do similar- i.e. if there were a bunch of mums in early twenties you'd be more likely to gravitate towards them.

Depends where you live. The problem isn’t meeting mum friends, it’s meeting mum friends like you - ie working, middle class, who get your challenges and you can talk freely to. You won’t really find that in the UK unless you’re in a middle class Indian / Muslim area.

I was an older mum (40 when ds was born) and was ‘filtered out’ by mum friends who were only 5-10 years younger than me solely due to my being older. I did make friends but when DS started nursery where I could meet other parents (with older kids) who were more my age

Absolutely depends where you live. I
was one of the older mums at my local playgroup - first at 28 and second at 30. There was a woman with her youngest child in her late 30s, who also brought her grandchildren. Where I grew up is very much a mix of ‘having children in early 20s’ and some who are just having their first now (late 30s). The thing about having your first, you’re all in the same boat regardless of age!

I was 20 when I had our first. All our ante-natal peers were late 20s/early 30s. I was obviously much younger but they welcomed me warmly and I'm still in touch with them 18 years on.

You may be the youngest but you're all in the same boat and can end up being a lifeline to each other in those early months.

Would they necessarily know your age if you don’t announce it? If you’re married I’d assume people will think you’re older anyway- don’t discuss it?

I had eldest at 17 and youngest at 42 so I've had both ends of the spectrum. I quite often get called granny with the youngest but then I take the grandchildren with me to soft play etc so it doesn't bother me 😂 I didn't go to many clubs with the eldest as I was still at school (!)

Totally depends on where you live. If you live in the same area as your cousin and she experienced this you probably will too. If you live in the town I used to live in where the women I worked with thought if you hadn't had a baby by 25 there must be something wrong with you, then no (but they were strange people so you might not fit in there anyway!).

I agree, it depends where you are.

I had ds at 45 (I know, v late) but found I wasn't the oldest mum in ds' reception class.

Most people were 35-45. We had one mum who was your age, and three who were late 20s. But housing here is expensive. No-one judged. We were all too busy trying to cope.

Congratulations. Please don't concern yourself with what anyone else thinks about you having a baby at 23. You are an adult so nothing matters. I was 18, married and had my own home. Just enjoy your baby x

Nobody will judge or even notice your age. You'll all be new mums, probably looking tired with a few stains on your clothing. You are going to be bonding over the shared experience of having a child. Some women have a few kids by 30, but it's true that in our culture the trend is going up ages wise.
My mum had me at 41, back then all the other mums were 10 to 20 years younger.
This was 45 years ago, and she's besties with a lady she met at baby group who's 20 years younger to this very day.

It really depends on the type of are you live in and the socio-economic group.

If it’s a predominantly middle-class group most of them are just finishing uni and travelling (certainly the case for my son this age), so yes you’ll be younger than average but you might have to simply cast your net wider.

If you live in a wc area, you’ll find lots of young parents.

Definitely depends where you live. At 38 I was the oldest by miles 17 years ago. So, swings and roundabouts, mixed across ages didn’t make too much difference.

You will be younger, but so what? You'll gave enough on your plate with a new baby without worrying about things that a) you can't control and b) don't matter.