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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think therapist is getting a bit familiar

36 replies

SqB · 02/08/2024 16:52

I’m curious, not really upset as such. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year now. Normally in person, but a few sessions on Zoom. Have found them very beneficial and he’s a great support.

He comments sometimes when I’m on Zoom about what he can see in the background. ‘Nice art’, ‘looks like a lovely house there’ those kind of things. Is it normal during a professional meeting to mention the background? Such a normal thing to say, but because of boundaries it did catch me by surprise.

The other thing that shocked me, he’s amazing at not giving advice etc, but I was saying how hard it is too lose weight on my meds and that I feel like a I need to lose weight somehow. He said ‘I think you should I lose weight’ I was a bit shocked but maybe I’m being incredibly sensitive.

I’ve never seen a therapist before. I don’t know what the norm is.

AIBU to think boundaries are being crossed?

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
SqB · 02/08/2024 17:18

StirlingMallory · 02/08/2024 17:07

I've only ever seen a therapist in person (and I appreciated the old fashioned set up with the therapist sitting behind me while I lay on a couch so there was no eye contact, no second guessing in case of a facial reaction etc) so I can only imagine that Zoom things are much more awkward for both parties, facing each other &, as you point out, seeing each other's background. I would find it extremely difficult to have a therapist commenting on my home. You don't want to have to spend even 1 second on what the therapist may think of your art etc. He's talking to you like a friend when you don't want a friend, you want a professional therapist.

As for the comment on your weight, I'm astonished that a therapist has said you "should" anything. Are you sure he didn't say "could" as in "you could do anything you set your mind to"?

If he said "should" and together with the comments on your home, I'd find those things a distraction & unprofessional and I'd be looking for someone else.

He definitely said should. Some things I’ve said ‘what do you think?’ But with this I was about to carry on talking and he just said it. Threw me a bit.

OP posts:
Sunhatweather · 02/08/2024 17:17

Commenting on your room background is not unprofessional as it’s inconsequential brief chit chat to help develop a rapport.
Commenting on weight is different, but can you be sure they weren’t just echoing your goals? If not, and if it was their ‘opinion’, then yes it’s unprofessional.
People have differing ideas of what they want from a therapist; very few would want the lie on the couch no eye contact as described above.

Original poster
SqB · 02/08/2024 17:17

I don’t think I expected him to say anything at all. Just carrying on listening to me waffling on.

OP posts:
PenguinCounter · 02/08/2024 17:10

I have a framed print of an animal on the wall behind me and often get comments from colleagues and clients. It's never crossed my mind that it could be unprofessional.

If you've been making comments about struggling with weight, body image or anything along those lines, maybe he's just agreeing that losing weight would help put you in a better place?

StirlingMallory · 02/08/2024 17:07

I've only ever seen a therapist in person (and I appreciated the old fashioned set up with the therapist sitting behind me while I lay on a couch so there was no eye contact, no second guessing in case of a facial reaction etc) so I can only imagine that Zoom things are much more awkward for both parties, facing each other &, as you point out, seeing each other's background. I would find it extremely difficult to have a therapist commenting on my home. You don't want to have to spend even 1 second on what the therapist may think of your art etc. He's talking to you like a friend when you don't want a friend, you want a professional therapist.

As for the comment on your weight, I'm astonished that a therapist has said you "should" anything. Are you sure he didn't say "could" as in "you could do anything you set your mind to"?

If he said "should" and together with the comments on your home, I'd find those things a distraction & unprofessional and I'd be looking for someone else.

LightFull · 02/08/2024 17:04

I mean if you're obviously overweight why ask the question when the answer is going to be an honest one

And yes he's obviously making conversation to put you at ease

twomanyfrogsinabox · 02/08/2024 17:02

He may have been trying to reassure you in the Zoom meeting, making pleasantries about your house. Were you thinking I wonder what he thinks about my place and is it up to his standards. I know I would have been.

If you were saying you needed to lose weight was he just giving a bit of positive reinforcement?

KrisAkabusi · 02/08/2024 17:02

You're overthinking the art comment. He's just making conversation.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/08/2024 16:59

Can you blur your background on Zoom like you can on Teams if you’re uncomfortable with him seeing it?

The weight comment - I’m a bit confused because you said you felt you needed to lose weight but am presuming you then wanted him to say no, no, you’re perfect as you are?

Original poster
SqB · 02/08/2024 16:58

That’s good to hear. Just feels very different online to in person. Maybe just takes more getting used to.

OP posts:
Lochnessmonster2k6 · 02/08/2024 16:55

I don’t think saying nice artwork is crossing a boundary. My old therapist would ask to see my dog when we did zoom sessions, or once she asked to see my knitting project as I’d mentioned it. I personally wouldn’t be upset about the weight comment either but accept it may upset many people and could be crossing a boundary. I would tell him it made you feel uncomfortable.

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