To think therapist is getting a bit familiar

I always thank my clients for working so hard. It is really difficult. I think realising that is a little glimmer that it's working. Good luck OP.

What has occurred to me is that you are beginning to relive your abusive relationship through your therapist.

It's worth noticing this as if you can work through it you might find it incredibly helpful.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Perhaps a female therapist would be better for you? I hope you find someone you trust.

It sounds like it was a while back, and that it's clearly a sensitive topic for you, but are you 100% sure you heard correctly and he wasn't simply paraphrasing/reflecting/summarising what you'd said - all active listening techniques

For example...

Person: "I've been feeling self conscious lately. None of my clothes fit, I feel awful, like a blob. I want to be healthy and active again, I've tried diets in the past and struggled but I think I need to do something about it. I just wish I wasn't so fat"

Professional: "you think you should lose weight"

Easily potentially misheard (especially online) as "I think you should..."

Absolutely this.

I'm a psychologist by profession, also trained in systemic therapy. I wondered whether it was a reflection via repeating the client's words rather than an opinion too. If it was an opinion, then obviously that's very not ok.

Re: artwork, I personally would not comment, but whether it feels ok for a therapist to comment on that or not might depend on modality/training. Not necessarily a good or bad thing either way. May be done to try to put a client at ease when working online.

I've seen a couple of comments from OP about just wanting to be listened to though - which makes me wonder if perhaps they are not ready, as what OP is describing is emotional support, not therapy, where the therapist is essentially a pot plant who listens and participates very little in the relationship.

More or less!

We do agree some goals at the beginning of the session but they often end up changing during the course of therapy.

It's not up to me to come out in session 2 and say you should leave your abusive partner UNLESS the client discloses serious harm in which case I'd address it with her and take it to my supervisor. It's my job to help the client to understand what she wants and to help her unlock enough self awareness that she grows in confidence and leaves him of her own accord. Clients usually have enough people around them telling them to leave abusive partners- my role is to unpick why she isn't.

A good therapist would be getting the client to think about patterns of behaviour, and whatever benefit they are getting from the status quo, not telling them what they ‘should’ do.

I am a therapist. If he genuinely, really said
I think you should lose weight
Then that wouldn't be at all appropriate

But I'd be amazed if that's what he said. You don't go through years of training to say something like that. Are you really sure he wasn't reflecting back what you were saying, so - you think you should lose weight?

But whatever, the trust has gone so fine to find a new therapist!

I would also spend some time reflecting on why this has affected you so much.

The artwork comments are fine I think. Having said that, I don't ever comment on clients houses, but tbh if you have an obvious picture in the background then again, I'd ask yourself what it was about him mentioning it that was triggering for you.

Having a final goodbye session is good practice, but it shouldn't be about him trying to convince you that he didn't say what you said he did.

If the trust has broken down then you might need a new therapist.

That's not therapy.

I know we are all supposed to be online converts, I'm certainly supposed to be as a CBT therapist but I do think a lot of information is missing when you only see each other's faces and not the many other insights into how someone is feeling, that are available when you are in the same room.

I think saying 'you should lose weight' is too directive and it would be preferable IMHO to be more Socratic, asking questions about what would need to be in place to achieve that goal and finding out about beliefs, attitudes and thinking (and behaviours) that get in the way etc. Therapists should help clients work out what's important to them and help them define goals not tell them what they should be! That said, being didactic does have its place sometimes. And of course, different therapeutic approaches have very different ways of doing things.

As for talking about your art, I think that is OK and doesn't immediately sound an overstep but if you feel uncomfortable that's the decider really and you should be able to say if you are not happy about something. A good therapist wouldn't and shouldn't be affronted by that.

I suppose (I think as other people have said) you could ask him about it and tell him how it made you feel if you are able to - his response to that will give you a lot of helpful information about him and boundaries. If he acknowledges a ‘slip up’ and says, “what I meant to say/ ask was…” or “I am concerned about…” then that’s a good sign; if he responds in a defensive or attacking way, I’d be out of there!

Yes, explore pros and cons but don’t tell what to do.

To me, it sounds like the weight comment has upset you, and now you're picking on other little things that you feel justified (ie he's crossed boundaries before by commenting on my home, so I KNOW he's wrong to comment on my weight).

Sometimes therapists say things we don't want to hear. If you're considering losing weight, then it's not exactly come from nowhere. Boundaries were not crossed, but if you're really unhappy, see someone else.

My sense is that she’s asking if this is normal “stuff” between therapist and ‘client’ to process in therapy or whether he is crossing boundaries in an inappropriate way, which may lead her to find a different therapist!

The stuff that comes up between you, however small, is the stuff. Don't do it here because having all of our opinions is not going to contribute to the process of your therapy which you and he need to create. But do notice the stuff.

Hi what was the context in which he said you “should lose weight” (eg. What was said before?) and what model of therapy does he use, eg. Is he a counsellor/psychologist/cbt therapist?

So if a client keeps debating whether they should leave an abusive partner, stop doing drugs or other stuff that's clearly not good for them you just sit there and let them mull it over again and again?

The therapist should not have said you should lose weight. I am a therapist and would never say anyone should do anything.

I don’t think there have been any boundaries crossed from what you have said.