To think holidays with teens/preteens are just rubbish

100% cruising is our kids favourite holiday. DS16 and DD14 will sign up for teen club, spend 24hrs hanging about awkwardly and saying everyone’s ‘weird’ but very quickly have a gang to hang about with. We literally bump into them occasionally around the ship, they go to buffet lunch and dinner with their new mates and happily come out for excursions with us during the day. We all get to do our own thing and be together at the same time. Hotels with a football pitch and organised activities, darts, pool, table tennis etc are also a hit. It breaks up the day as they aren’t into sunbathing and again offers opportunities to meet other kids. Neither are my ideal holidays but it means I get to sit in the sun and read/relax and some alone time with DH.

DH and I were talking about this the other night despite our kids being a way off this sort of age yet. We've decided if they want to be miserable arseholes then they can stay at home and forego a holiday if they'd prefer. There are many places that DH and I want to visit that the other doesn't so we'll do them alone. The other can stay at home and then swap later in the year just so the kids don't ring child line and say we've abandoned them 🤣. We really don't want to sacrifice our annual leave and take expensive school holiday time breaks if it's just going to be miserable.

Agree with @littlebabycheeses99 - we started cruises when DC were about at age. It's great, I can sit by the pool and read, DH can go to the gym then the pub, and DC go off and do whatever they want to, kids club, cinema, arts and crafts.. we all meet for dinner and sometimes for other meals if we're hungry at the same time. On port days we take a short excursion and see sights, then it's back to holidaying apart together.

Monaco

We're
Away and Dts have just turned 13, they're ok so far but I don't think I'll be paying £££ to go away next year banned in the thunderous teen faces around the pool!

Gosh I could have written this. I'm refusing to take my son abroad this summer and next cos of the attitude and the fact he just moans its too hot all the time and wants to sit in the room on his phone.
He Gets bored in th3 pool alone.
We don't have any friends we could go with and I don't fancy taking a friend away for him

I Suggested we go explore Paris in half term when it's cooler - nope too much walking (effort) he suggested Iceland or Monaco (most expensive places he's seen on tiktok).
He doesn't want to do activities holidays like potters
It's going around and around in circles.

He always expects a holiday with me. His dad hasn't taken him away once in 12 years.

AI definitely worked for us at this stage. But it IS expensive. And done brilliantly, it is eye-watering. So when it seems unappreciated, it is hard not to resent the spend. So we experimented with not making it too spendy too.

With UK s/c holidays we found giving everyone their own room made a big difference. Upped the cost but made everything easier.

Wrote off mornings. AI - left them in bed, had quiet breakfasts with DH. S/C - left cereal/toast/fruit/pastries and went out for a coffee/breakfast/brunch/walk/potter with DH. Or, occasionally, by myself.

Food was all important. Easy when it’s spectacular AI but made some space in the s/c budget to allow for some good pubs, nice places to eat, among some (admittedly crowd pleasing) self catering. Filled a cupboard with snacks they could help themselves to at any point. Saved Nectar points all year for a trolley dash of guilt-free joy…

Also suggested one or two new experiences. Didn’t fanfare/pressure. What I thought they would go for they didn’t, what I thought they would eschew, they loved. Though perhaps including good food as part of the latter experience helped too…

Didn’t insist on them joining in for board games, cards, reading books, movies. Didn’t make a big deal when they occasionally joined in, didn’t comment when they didn’t.

Mine were especially fond of a hot tub - we had some good chats under the stars and it felt special and different to the usual routine.

A log fire late at night was also good for this - whether in a cottage or camping.

Teens are hyper conscious of what their mates are doing. And sometimes I knew they felt the poor relation and at other times they realised they were the lucky ones and having a holiday others were not. Hopefully, experiencing a full range of holidays with their family will be what they remember. Looking back at the last holiday photos, which was difficult for multiple reasons beyond them being difficult ages/stages, I see a lot of happiness.

Good luck. It’s not easy, straightforward or what any of us expect. And quietly planning epic solo fantasy holidays is a perfectly reasonable (and efficient!) therapeutic response when they are being a pain…

This is good advice, don't let them control your holiday. Just get on with each others own thing, the no pressure might even tempt them to choose to spend time with you

Omg. I could have written your post about 10 minutes ago when we came home to our VRBO. Roadtrip in the US (we live here so not quite as exciting as it would be if they were British) and it's been a constant complaint of "boring/I'm tired/can we just go back to the apartment and rest play on fucking screens"

I'm sick of being the cruise director when all people do is criticize my plans - while, it goes without saying - not making any effort to suggest an alternative.

I've just told them that it's the last family vacation that I'm planning.

I know people will say "these are the times, you can't ban kids from phones, it's a valuable part of a social life" etc, but I can't help feeling this is parent's fault. So many parents, as mentioned in another post, when they just plonk their kids on their phone in restaurants, just outsource parenting to phones and devices.

Rather than actual time reading together, outside, museums, science, whatever, it's just a lot easier to dump them in a corner somewhere with a device.

People are going to hate me for this, but I think this is a reap what you sow deal.

...and before people say these are the times, kids need this, everyone over 35 or so did this before phones, we had no choice.

The best holiday we had with our teens was an all inclusive in Ibiza. We used to get up and leave them in bed . They got up when they wanted and for themselves breakfast at about the same time we were getting lunch. We let them choose activities such as boat rides and water parks. We all just tried to make the best of it

Pretty much!

We’re looking at October half term
and the price has more or less doubled since we did a similar holiday 2 years ago.

Easy fix... go on a holiday on your own as parents and leave them to their phones.

Just back from a holiday with pre-teen! My salvation was an afternoon break from “I’m bored, I’m hungry, I’m tired, when can we go back to the room?” (the last question being 30 mins after we’d left, just after breakfast). I found a theatre show I wanted to see and booked for myself and left DH to manage. DS seemed actually pleased to see me when we met up again later! And I resented the moaning less when I’d pleased myself.

Could you try short city breaks in apartments for a while. My teens loved them .

I remember similar holiday experiences with my parents when I was a teenager and my kids have been like this on plenty of holidays. The thing that seems to work is to take a friend of the teenager with you or to go somewhere with a really good teens club. Lots of people have mentioned a cruise which we have just done and everyone found something to do that they enjoyed. Dragging the kids around Rome afterwards to see the sites was a whole different story.

this happened to me this year .I have mourned the end of the bright eyed and bushy tailed era and the golden bit of 8-12 yrs of age hols . A bucket and spade in the UK era mixed with some beach hols abroad .. I did actually cry because

DS 15 vetoed vehemently a proposed 2 week Greek island apt / beach holiday in school hols Younger brother ( 11 ) missed out . We thought about leaving Elder ds with GPs but then I remembered Rhodes 88 as an only child and the wolf whistling waiters !! And realised perhaps the time had come a bit earlier than I thought. .. And I couldn’t do a hol as a 3 . Luckily younger DS 10 said he didn’t mind with the alternative on offer ..
Very very kindly gparents ( for various reasons did not when kids young so was super grateful ) offered to house sit and baby sit during term time for a week whilst we went ! Bliss - it was a shock to do a week that just was so spontaneous ..we’d done overnight weddings , a weekend celebration birthday alone but this was a whole new glimpse of a future forgotten iygwim!

We’ve balanced it up during the hols with big big ticket days out amongst working for or fancy boys stuff out every fortnight ( think theme parks , indoor skiing, paint ball , go karting financially it’s still cheaper than taking them along
abroad !
Mind you elder DS did say after we came back .. ah I might come next year . Is there anyone who could offer for an extended weekend break for you . Big big ask I know ! I had to scrub my house to death beforehand and give my room , ensuite etc . Worth it !!!

Not really, I loved holidays and didn't care who the holiday was with if they paid for everything!

OP, I have no advice but I do sympathise. We booked our holiday this year around my two stepchildren (17 and 22). The 17 year old dropped out entirely the week beforehand with a completely lame excuse, and the older one refused to come out with us. He just stayed in the accommodation the entire time. It was infuriating because we could have gone during termtime if we'd known in advance the younger one wasn't coming.

I'm not inclined to include them in holiday plans again but understandably DH wants to.

Honestly it's not like this for everyone. Mine have always loved travelling and loved holidays so we've never had any issues and they are 18 and 16 now. They can be moody at home but when we're away they are fab and just want to experience as much as possible!!

Currently on holiday with anxious ASD 12 year old. She hates everything because it’s not her routine and she can’t cope with difference. Also have a 10 year old who is full of energy and wants to do everything! It’s exhausting keeping them both happy!

I think that teens are contractually obliged to be bored / obnoxious.

They do it so well.

Send them to their grandparents or summer camp. Then fuck off somewhere nice.