Prudish or rightly offended

Tell him he reminds you of Colin from the fast show.

She left her job eventually - she told the employer what happened, but all the other people on the night out either denied seeing it or backed up the guy.

I saw it happen, but despite me and a couple of others providing witness accounts, he got a slap on the wrist.

She developed some quite severe mental health issues understandably, got no support, and quit a couple of months after.

that's just awful
but not that surprising I suppose
what happened to your female colleague?

That is TOTALLY unacceptable in any workplace. Really not OK. It’s sexual harassment. In a lot of places it would be instant dismissal.

If you don’t want to actually complain to HR or him and I do see why you might not want to, look him straight in the eye and without any sarcasm or “tone” say, “I dont get it. Why is that funny?” He will probably cringe if he has to explain. If he says you have no sense of humour just say lots of things make you laugh but they have to be funny repeat the question

Urgh I hate the ‘just banter’ excuse. It’s not appropriate and not funny.

In my previous job, this kind of behaviour was normalised by my male colleagues and explained away as "just banter". Eventually one of the men was so emboldened by his comments and "banter" being accepted and laughed at by his other male colleagues that he sexually assaulted a female colleague on a night out.

He still works there.

Thank you, I thought so.

Yes. Sexual comments you don't want to hear constitute sexual harassment.

You are not being prudish, it’s totally unacceptable.

I worked with a man who was always finding double entendres. It got so that I found I was constantly checking everything I said so that I didn’t give him an excuse for another sleazy remark. Our manager noticed it, and I don’t know if he said anything but it suddenly stopped. It doesn’t sound like much, but it was quite unpleasant and made work much more difficult than it needed to be.

I bet there are others in the team who feels the same but scared to speak up. Sometimes it just takes one person.

It is possible that the other members of the team genuinely aren't offended - people have very different tolerance levels for this type of thing.

However, it is of course totally inappropriate for him to make this type of joke in the workplace and if it offends you you have every right to ask him to stop, and if he doesn't, speak to HR.

If you don't feel able to ask him yourself, that's totally valid (it can be intimidating). Just go to HR/a superior and ask them to intervene. I would make it clear to them that you haven't asked him to stop yourself, and why you haven't, so that they can, if they deem it appropriate, speak to him first off and tell him it's making members of the team uncomfortable and needs to stop immediately, rather than moving straight to any form of disciplinary..... Ultimately that is their call tho, depending what your workplace policy is and how badly he has breeched it.....

I worked with a couple of guys like this, who only ever had sex on their minds. Once you get to know your colleagues better, you will find that everyone rolls their eyes at them. I would wait until he says something particularly inappropriate and then tell him it's inappropriate. Make sure there are enough of your colleagues about when you do it.

Regarding clips from the internet, I've worked in places where that was regarded as gross professional misconduct. I would report that.

That's highly likely also a violation of the IT policy in addition to harassment. I've ben involved in cases where this has been a quick and straight forward dismissal once digital footprint of this sort firmly established.

Speak to your/his (I assume you have the same) line manager.

Unless it's a small or unusual company or if the manager doesn't respond in the expected manner, I wouldn't advise going to HR, their first question would be 'have you addressed this with the individual or the line manager?' In most companies HR only advise, they don't actually do grievance/ mediation hands-on. Check your policy and find the right point person for raising this.

Raise it though if you find it unacceptable, best nip it in the bud early.

I had this in my office it was my male line manager. I tried to shut it down but he was very popular and it just carried on very difficult

I worked with someone like this in the 90s had to report him twice. First time I reported him to the dept manager - he was making filthy jokes to everyone including a 16 year old. Later an older woman came to me and asked me to support her as he’d been sat beside her and she was very uncomfortable with his frequently filthy mouth. This time I went to HR - first report had not been recorded, very frustrating - I left the company after that but was horrified by what they expect woman to put up with. What was interesting was the other guys in the team were concerned that I might report them - they felt very vulnerable. Times have changed now - it could be easier to address this issue.

Pluvia.ur so right.

And so it should be.

You're not wrong, but at the same time, you and I have been around vastly different women it seems 😅

In many offices that would be gross misconduct. Forwarding porn or obscene images to a work colleague would be a sackable offence in many organisations.

Oh this is not on. I’d be speaking to your line manager. Does he want to get fired. Some of the women will hate it but won’t want to raise their head above the parapet. You need a menopausal colleague who doesn’t give a shit to tell the manager/hr if you feel you can’t.

There's a bit of "carry on/sid James" banter that's ok if everyone finds it funny, bit cheeky but overall, harmless.

This all sounds far too much, well and truly over the line, that this isn't funny.

I really hope you make a difference here and get this twat out because he sounds unbearable.

Banter between long standing colleagues who give and receive like minded comments is one thing but some clown making inappropriate comments to all and sundry in the office is unprofessional, crass and pathetic.

Look him in the eye and say,

"Geoffrey, your comments of a sexual nature and innuendo are not amusing and are unprofessional. Please refrain from uteri g such pathetic nonsense in my earshot or I will have to take the matter further."

Then take the matter further and say that the comments make you feel extremely uncomfortable.

I hope that joke comes back and bites his arse.

Oh wow. HR. Porn in the office? I’m astounded the women put up with that. Surely that’s gross misconduct?