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AIBU?

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To think I can’t be expected to cope with this anymore and that this isn’t ‘just life’?

455 replies

Cantdoothis · 02/08/2024 14:59

I’m late 30s work full time in a demanding career. I do get to work from home half the week but I am solely responsible for our dd who is 2, ex sees her most weekends but never overnight. He lives two hours away and so will take her for a few hours on either a Saturday or Sunday and does bedtime on the day he’s with her. Before anyone says he should be doing more, yep I agree, but he won’t. He pays for nursery in full and 200 on top and says he is paying more proportionately (which he is) to reflect the fact it’s all on me. All sounds ok until I say that I CANNOT do this anymore.

I am run ragged. I do not have a moment. I wake up and get going on jobs for dd. I get in the car, drive 20 mins to nursery (that’s the closest). I either drive back home or to the office. I work, try and squeeze in a food shop. Rush to pick dd up. Do her dinner. Depending on the mood she is in I will have to try and do a bath, if she’s difficult I do it in the morning. I do bedtime routine, then I continue with work and hope she sleeps. I then cook for myself. I am just endlessly listing things now but I feel totally and utterly depleted with no way out.

It’s not that it’s all awful it’s just that it never stops. Someone always needs me. Something always needs doing. I was so unwell last week and honestly I wished I could have jumped ship and ran away from it all. I hate it. Life feels so bloody miserable and never ending jobs. I want to go part time or something but then that would cause other problems financially. Is this just life?

OP posts:
Cantdoothis · 02/08/2024 15:13

Flixon · 02/08/2024 15:11

It is hard. But you just have to cope; I did it working full time with three kids and no help from their father. Outsource anything you can and can afford to, take any offers of help, or have another child for 1/2 a day and then yours goes there for 1/2 day. ... But basically yes, you can be expected to cope, you are an adult and chose to have a child ...

@Flixon i didn’t expect to be on my own with her though. Which I am 95% of the time. It’s so hard.

OP posts:
Cantdoothis · 02/08/2024 15:12

Bellsandthistle · 02/08/2024 15:07

Sorry you’re having such a rough time, but unfortunately you are just “expected to cope”. Have you any family or friends who can help? Many women are doing all that with zero support from ex and zero financial contribution toward nursery or otherwise. It’s shit and your best bet is to build your own village of support and know that this phase of life will not last forever.

@Bellsandthistle im not saying that’s not happening but I genuinely can’t understand how anyone can manage in those circumstances. I’m barely keeping going as it is

OP posts:
loulouljh · 02/08/2024 15:12

Online food shop-get delivered in the evening.

Cook also do nice frozen meals which you can get delivered online.

A cleaner.

Flixon · 02/08/2024 15:11

It is hard. But you just have to cope; I did it working full time with three kids and no help from their father. Outsource anything you can and can afford to, take any offers of help, or have another child for 1/2 a day and then yours goes there for 1/2 day. ... But basically yes, you can be expected to cope, you are an adult and chose to have a child ...

Bellsandthistle · 02/08/2024 15:07

Sorry you’re having such a rough time, but unfortunately you are just “expected to cope”. Have you any family or friends who can help? Many women are doing all that with zero support from ex and zero financial contribution toward nursery or otherwise. It’s shit and your best bet is to build your own village of support and know that this phase of life will not last forever.

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