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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to pull up this friend group on this?

31 replies

ComedicPivot · 02/08/2024 13:29

I’ve been attending a hobby with a group of 6 women for 7 years. It’s always been on a certain day, at a certain time. It’s part of my weekly routine, I class them as good friends, and I enjoy the activity.

A few weeks ago, one of the group asked the person who runs it, if they could do it a different time that week as they wanted to attend something else at that time. I couldn’t attend at that time due to work and family. She then went on to invite 3 of her friends to join in. They’ve decided they like it, want to join the activity, but the original time doesn’t suit them. So, it seems that they now want to change a long standing commitment to a time that I and another can’t make due to work and family.

Of course, if it suits most people, then I don’t have a leg to stand on, but I feel quite angry about this.

This has happened to me before with the same group of people. We started another activity, and we all paid up for 10 sessions, only to find they didn’t, and I was the only one who coughed up. They then proceeded to drop out over 3 weeks leaving me alone to take the wrath of the coach.

I was talking to my DC and I said to them “ do you ever feel like you want to tell your mates to get stuffed, but then if you did, you’d not have many friends left?” They agreed.

So, I think I’m out of this activity, and a regular thing I do as I can’t make this time. Also, it’s evolved into a couple of people and their mates where originally we came together not knowing each other, and the dynamics have completely changed. It’s now a clique.

I’m pretty sure it’s a done deal, but AIBU to not just leave with my tail between my legs, but say that I think this is pretty shitty?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 02/08/2024 13:43

I think you have to be vocal about your position. "I cannot make the other time and I'd be upset if the new members attendance is prioritised over mine, that seems unfair". It isn't rude to stand up for yourself.

Bruisername · 02/08/2024 13:42

It is thoughtless And I would say something along the lines of how you have enjoyed this activity with them over the years and it’s been a fun part of your week so you are disappointed that they have changed things with no consideration of you.

ultimately people do these things either with no thought and may be mortified when they realise or they don’t care and then is there any loss calling them out

Original poster
ComedicPivot · 02/08/2024 13:40

Bruiser

From what I’ve seen on the chatter, a couple of them are pushing the new time, 3 friends saying they can’t make the other time, and others just keeping quiet so as to not upset the more dominant members.

OP posts:
Original poster
ComedicPivot · 02/08/2024 13:38

Thx

I feel like I’m in year 8 again. They’re better friends with the other women, so they’ll go that way.

I just feel pretty fed up that grown women act like this.

I can ask the coach, and I will. I just feel disappointed. I want to say something to them, as it’s not the first time, as I mentioned in my post. I don’t want to come across as petty and childish though. They are thoughtless.

OP posts:
Bruisername · 02/08/2024 13:37

Of the original 6 (that includes you?) - 2 want to keep the time and one wants to change to accommodate her 3 friends

What do the other 3 say? Could you just continue as a 5 and the other one takes her friends to the different time?

Lavender14 · 02/08/2024 13:33

Can you speak to the coach/ whoever is running the class and say that you've been coming a long time and can you still be accommodated on a different night of the week as you've really enjoyed it? It seems unfair to move everything to suit one person when presumably the rest of the group could do both nights? It sounds pretty thoughtless to be honest and I understand why you're feeling upset about it.