To wonder if no one else's parents don't want to spend time with them?

Mine are utterly passive. If I invite them to my house, "it's too far," but they never invite me there either. Never ring or text. If I text, it's often ignored. I've given up really. My mum in particular is in thrall to my brother, and they spend all their time together, with her doing everything for him even though he's 47!
It would have been nice just to have a normal family but at least now the parents are getting old, the rest of us don't feel guilty for leaving the bulk of the care to my brother who has milked so much out of them.
Just look at it that way, OP. When someone has pretty much cut you out of their life, you don't need to feel bad when they suddenly need care.

I have to admit I am a bit tired of cooking for adult DC after doing it for over 20 years, so I often ask them to cook for themselves. But always happy to spend time.

Devil's advocate here:

I have adult children and I'm seriously disabled.

I became seriously disabled as an adult.

I have put a massive amount of time, effort and money into my children. I have spent literal decades doing things I do not like so that they enjoy it.

I do feel sometimes when they invite me to something - sometimes I'm not interested in it and I only have limited energy and frankly
Don't want to go (I use a wheelchair and have major mobility problems) and sometimes frankly I'm just knackered.

I only really manage socialising maximum every other day otherwise I get very tired.

I would hope to be doing that even in my nineties. My mum is nearly 80 and always up for stuff like that. If my DD made me lunch in my house, I would be thrilled to accept. Parents are people, but that's hardly going camping.

I assume your mum is not very old or in bad health.

I feel similar, I suggest things but they aren’t usually keen. They are not keen on anything further than 20 minutes away or that costs more a coffee (early 60’s and financially comfortable, just set in their ways). I’ve suggested the odd time to my mum about doing something and she did take me to lunch last year when I was having a rough time at work but she seemed disinterested and there out of duty. She made a big point of only having soup because she thought it was expensive (just a normal pub menu and I’d offered to split the bill).

They do a day a weeks childcare which I can sense is a burden, when I collect my son I can see my mum tidying and checking her watch waiting for us to go. I am going to suggest from September that we make other arrangements. It’s stings a little as my granny looked after me.

Another one who thinks people can be awfully harsh when discussing elderly parents and viewing their relationship as transactional.
As we hear all the time on here, parents are just people. They don’t get everything right, they go through periods of anxiety or not feeling great. They might just want peace and quiet in their later years.

Perhaps OP could clarify what stuff she means or what she wants to do with her mum.

I love my adult children deeply, enjoy seeing them and spending time with them, but why is there an expectation to do things together?
As I've aged, I tire more quickly and don't have the stamina that I used to have for long days out, especially in this hot weather. Maybe if you just suggest meeting up for lunch or a coffee these pesky old folks would show sufficient gratitude for you all gracing them with your presence be happier to see you.

He's 80! Why would you expect him to do stuff with you. At that age he probably just doesn't have sufficient energy.

I'm 76 but both DDs understand that I just can't keep up with family activities any longer and are happy to see me for lunch or an afternoon together - maybe 2 - 3 hours at a time. Grandsons have so many of their own activities at weekends that family get togethers are few and far between especially as none of us live near each other.

DM totally lost interest after 2020.
Her poor hearing has also deteriorated and she smugly rejected mobile phones many years ago so the landline that she can't hear is the only way to get in touch, and she's too far away to drop in on even if she would let people over the threshold.

It stings, but it's gone on so long that it's wearing off now. She's made lots of unhelpful choices that I'm not responsible for.

It's a sad fact that many parents just don't care that much about their children. They have children because it's what everyone seems to do, but actually they're really not suited to being a parent. They're too selfish, too self absorbed. Or they're just not capable of any type of deep emotional bond with anyone.

My MIL was uninterested in DH and my BIL once they stopped being cute toddlers. DH struggled with homesickness in his first year at university. MIL regularly travelled past campus en route to see her sister but never once bothered to pop in and see DH.

She wasn't cruel or evil she just doesn't possess the capacity to care deeply about others.

Would you really want someone to do something they didn't want to do with you just to avoid being 'selfish'? As a child maybe you'd expect a parent to be sufficiently selfless to endure soft play or something for your sake, but once you reach adulthood surely you're just two people who either want to do a particular thing together or you don't. It shouldn't be a parental duty. It's a shame your mum isn't on the same page about what would be enjoyable, but does that mean there's no common ground? A coffee, a chat on the phone? Something she chooses?

I fully agree parents should have their own lives. I am not keen on parents doing regular childcare; I think they need a rest. But in this case, I am on OP's side. The odd weekend is surely what every parent would do if their child asked.

I could have written this post.

I agree 💯 break the mould.

We live 4 hours apart so only see each other a few times a year, and that's just fine by me!! I get digs about when I am going to visit to which I usually reply that the motorway runs in both directions and they're welcome any time (they're retired and I work full time yet somehow I make at least 80% of the trips). Perhaps you need to find yourself some more friends?

My DM only ever contacts me for money. Only ever asks to see pics of my DD when she’s been with her sisters and hasn’t got any pics to show them of her (because I hardly send them).

She only ever asks to see my DD when she wants to use it as an excuse to ask us to take her to dinner/drop her off somehwhere/‘lend’ her money/ get something off us.

Even then, we will re arrange stuff to allow her to see her and have to pick her up and bring her to our house and drop her back off home. She cancels about 75% of the time on the day as well.

I very rarely try anymore and actually try to not see her! Some parents are just awful. Try not to care too much. The issue is them not you!

Didn’t she bring you up for the first 18 years of your life? Does that not count because she’s older now and wants to live her life the way she wants?

I do get fed up with this ‘they won’t help me so I won’t help them attitude’ that I see so often on MN. As if the childhood years don’t count.

My parents weren’t great - it was different times and they didn’t really get the nurturing memo. But now they’re ancient, of course I help because it’s just the right thing to do.

I get on fine with her I visit her she isn't a "bad person " and when I was growing up she was a good enough mum I would have liked to have had a better relationship with her as an adult I've just resigned myself to the fact that's the way she is.