There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

I hate it when the SN card gets played.

I have 2 SN Dc. It isn't a free pass. There are still cultural expectations to sit down in a restaurant and engage. DS 1 recently came to a wedding as my +1. He found it a lot, but we muddled through. We also go to restaurants every now and again to practice, just for one course, but it helps him to cope with the different surroundings and making a decision (too many options causes him to shut down. This won't change magically as he ages if we don't start to get him used to it.)

Of course cultural expectations are able to be adapted for those who need it, but for the most part, the overwhelming majority of DC are capable of sitting down at a meal without a screen.

It's just that the parents are prioritizing their personal needs, and their want for their children to be quiet. And as long as the parents don't see any problem with that, (and accuse parents who do see a problem with it of being 'perfect parents' or make other snide remarks) then it will continue.

Err because my dds were/are the waiting staff. And being observant, they generally have a handle on what is going on at each table. I should add that they also see plenty of teens buried deep into their phones and therefore incapable of ordering for themselves. Just sad really.

You commented on a post I quoted from another poster that had nothing to do with you and read it how you want it to read.
These conversations on MN are not anything like a tête à tête? Anyone is free to join in and comment.

Also, I read your remarks as you had written them. Perhaps you did not mean quite what you wrote, and meant something else instead? That seems likely at this stage, but what you actually did write was quite insulting to many parents (as I've explained to you already).

Clearly you can't accept that it's rude to call parents of well behaved DC perfect.
I can, of course, accept that. Not sure why you think otherwise - I haven't commented on that at all so far.

Good job we don't all judge parents/DC of any kind.
This is just nasty - I don't judge other parents or DC.
Why would I? I know well from my own experience that children and parents are often coping with challenges that others don't comprehend.

Equally you're goading for an argument.
Didn't really want an argument, no. I thought you didn't understand the issues that some parents face and wanted to point that out. I actually thought you might apologise when you realised what you'd said, but there you go.

So as I've already said you've turned my post into one about autism, classic, I leave it there.
Not sure why mentioning SN is 'classic' in the context of this thread?
Happy to leave it there at this stage though. We're not getting anywhere.

Several posters on this thread have said that they "silently judge" parents whose DC are on screens in a restaurant unless they have SEN. This has come up multiple times now.

Will one of you please explain how this works.

Do you ask the parents if their child has SEN so you can decide whether to silently judge them or not? Or do you assume that if the child had SEN you would somehow just 'know'?

We're in a completely different time to when we were all kids, we sat at the tables with not much to do because that was the only choice. Kids now have access to so much more, it's just changing times.

If they're not disturbing anyone OP, then whatever judgements dickheads people make is their own business (which is what I would have been telling them if they commented about my parenting decisions.)

A certain amount of bad, or just not ideal, is normal in life.

The thing is @breakfastatlunchtime..

You commented on a post I quoted from another poster that had nothing to do with you and read it how you want it to read..

Clearly you can't accept that it's rude to call parents of well behaved DC perfect. Good job we don't all judge parents/DC of any kind.
Equally you're goading for an argument..

So as I've already said you've turned my post into one about autism, classic, I leave it there.

🤣 Yes and it's not a good thing! I know that by personal experience 😑

"Screens are bad, that's a fact."

But you are on one.

Yet you are on a screen.

Screen use is a part of life, like driving or chips. Perfect in every way? No. Fine in moderation and when it’s useful? Yes.

My children’s mental development is absolutely fine. They are teens and pre teens and are all happy, well adjusted, sociable young people. They’ve used screens in moderation and are none the worst for it. And yes, it’s been the easy option sometimes. Nothing wrong with that.

But that's not what the discussion is about? Obviously anything in moderation is fine. Screens are bad, that's a fact. So unless it's genuinely a rarity, you're doing your children a huge disservice and affecting their mental development resorting to screens (which let's face it is the easy option).

Lazy doesn’t always equal bad, unless you’re a martyr.

Yep- you don’t get a gold star in heaven for doing everything the hard way.

You have to wonder if these people follow their own rules all the time- do they for instance ALWAYS walk every single journey with their children where it’s physically possible (so a few miles to the supermarket and back carrying the shopping for example)- because it would be better for the children’s health, and driving is lazy? Do they ALWAYS make meals from scratch and never chuck some pasta and pesto on a bag of pre bought salad and call it dinner, because that would be lazy?

Or do they in fact muddle along doing their best 90% of the time, and cutting the odd corner when it suits them, just like everyone else?

Absolutely. There’s nothing wrong with being lazy sometimes. You have to prioritise yourself sometimes. I really don’t understand threads like these where the ‘lazy parenting’ trope rears its ugly head. Lazy doesn’t always equal bad, unless you’re a martyr.

My life is entirely child centric- my ds has physical disabilities and chronic illness caused by a genetic disorder as well and asd and severe adhd… we had to remove him from school and I home ed him because there isn’t a school within an hour and a half of our house that can meet his needs.

I spend all day every single day meeting his educational, social and physical needs.

He will be out of bed in a minute and getting in bed with me (like every night of his 10 years!)- there is never a minute where he isn’t front and centre day to day…

if he wants to look at his phone for half an hour over dinner while I read a book or talk to someone else you can be damn sure that’s ok with me!

I’m happy for people to think I’m a lazy parent if it makes them feel good for a while, we all take our joy where we can in this world.

But doing the best for them doesn’t always mean doing something that directly benefits them. Sometimes I prioritise myself and that indirectly benefits them because they have a happy mum. Sometimes we’ve used a screen or other mode of entertainment in a restaurant because it benefits me and my husband to have a meal out and be able to chat to each other. And that’s ok. I don’t devote my entire life to my children and I think that’s pretty healthy.

And we’ve used screens occasionally and haven’t ‘shoved’ one in front of them at every opportunity and I’m sure we’re not rarities. It’s not all or nothing.

Loads of people do it. I don't like it but wouldn't comment.

Sure, but you also should be doing the best for them right? They never asked to be born so always shoving a screen in front of them isn't fair and you know it. The parents who do this, don't do it on the rare occasion

But you still haven't contributed in any way to what I was asking, which was why parents of DC that behave have to be regarded to as perfect parents of perfectly behaved children.

The thing is, @Trumptonagain, the comment I was responding to doesn't actually say what you apparently think it says...

Here it is again:

Do many women pop out "perfectly behaved kids" at birth?
Or is there a bit more involved by way of these "perfect parents of MN" contributing somewhat during their up bringing to having well behaved children as they grow older.

How do they know they are incapable of communicating with each other or the waiting staff?

Not what I signed up for. My life definitely isn’t child-centric. Of course my children are well loved and cared for and we do plenty with them and for them. But they understand they aren’t the centre of the universe and that sometimes other people’s wants come first.

You think they won’t learn those skills? It’s such an odd belief.

I am a normal functioning adult with a masters degree, a happy marriage and a good group of friends (and my career before children revolved around relationship building with hard to reach people)- that is to say, I can debate, chat, public speak and do small talk with the best of them.

I eat with my mouth closed, use a knife and fork and if necessary I can pass the port to the left and never put it down… but I don’t remember any bugger fussing over what I did while eating my dinner when I was little.

I ate in front of the tv, wandered off from the table, ate my dinner in bed and generally pleased myself- we didn’t have iPads but then we rarely ate out and if we did I was on the playground or buggering about.

People learn to converse in all sorts of situations, it doesn’t have to be over a dinner table- and table manners are not actually complicated to learn.

What’s wrong with being lazy sometimes? Why does everything need to be done in the most complicated way? Same applies to parenting. Sometimes if you’re knackered a quick freezer dinner rather than a cooked from scratch dinner won’t kill them. Sometimes if you’ve got stuff you need to get on with, watching kids tv for an hour won’t kill them. Sometimes if you just want a peaceful meal out, having something to occupy them instead of playing bloody ispy for several hours, won’t kill them. I can assure you, being lazy occasionally never hurt anyone. But I suppose it’s worth always taking the most difficult route if it means you get to feel superior to everyone else.

As long as you use headphones, it's no one's business

Yes I've seen this too. Instead of the children talking to each other, they're all on their screens