There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

I absolutely would. I can safely say that having short bursts of screen time occasion has done no harm. And it meant that me and my husband had the occasional meal out where we got to converse with each other. I don’t regret a thing. We’ve got kids anyone would be proud of - I’m entirely secure in my parenting to say I wouldn’t have changed that at all.

I think you have a very specific idea of how a person with SN presents @JudgeBurrito.

Very often it's not, in fact, 'generally obvious to outsiders'. Especially not to an outsider who is simply (and briefly) sharing a restaurant with a child on a device?

Sometimes it's not even obvious to insiders. My DC's teacher was surprised by their later diagnosis for example.

No- as long as someone is taking to them politely and everyone says thank you when their food is brought and their plate is cleared, it isn’t remotely rude.

Waiting staff have enough to deal with without having to talk to every individual person in every party in the place- they don’t care, they want to get their job done with the least hassle.

Literally no one is interested in chatting to other people’s kids when they have 25 clears to cover.

And I don’t need to make excuses personally, my ds will chat to any old bugger- he is perfectly capable of ordering for himself… I just don’t see the point in making life harder for staff unnecessarily.

Well PP said her son was disabled and used the iPad to communicate, so that would be pretty obvious. Of course you can't tell in all case (which is why I said 'generally'), but as an outsider you can generally tell when someone has additional needs as opposed to having lazy parents.

I mean, do what you have to do.

However if you plan a day that will exhaust your kids, personally I'd take them home and give them a quick pasta tea instead of the added stimulation of eating out.

In a hotel without a kitchen I'd get takeaway chips or sandwiches or something.

Obviously haven't read the book, but this seems to suggest screens are bad for mental health which is the point I was making?

I’ve missed out on nothing. We went out less but paid a babysitter and enjoyed longer meals without the DC for the short 3 years they were toddlers. We can now easily spend 2 hours in a restaurant with them socialising and no screen in sight.

The evidence on damage caused by screens is overwhelming, MH issues in children and teens are sky high and the association is clear. Once they are allowed screens for one occasion, it’s a slipper slope and too easy to become a regular habit for all occasions. I’m glad it’s worked out for your children and they socialise well but it’s a risk I’m not willing to take. If your children are already young adults, this evidence would not have been so apparent when they were young so I do wonder whether you would have made the same choices if they were toddlers today

Oh whatever, make excuses all you like. Ever considered that it’s just rude not to acknowledge the person that’s serving you?

Yes. Agree with this. We've done similar with our girl over the years. With most social expectations, we have to be explicit and practice.
And yes, we still can't go out for a long meal prioritising our needs, but we never expected to, even before we understood additional needs were in the mix.

I’d bet pp’s kids don’t have a clue what’s going on at each table, actually. Because they don’t have kids themselves. I was an awful sanctimonious childless young person who noticed the things I’d never do if I had kids. Until I grew up and had my own family. Life isn’t quite as you imagine when you’re young and you’ve got the answers to just about everything. So for the pp with the observant teenage kids - just wait until they are parents. Perhaps they’ll be less judgmental.

But sometimes it can be too much to distract someone and they end up in complete sensory overload. So if hiding from the world with a tablet means they can get though that bit of the trip with no meltdowns then good on them!

Your SEN kids aren’t all SEN kids ffs 🤦‍♀️. Mine can queue happily for an hour without a meltdown and LOVES loud music… am I supposed to think that applies to all autistic and adhd kids?

Maybe they just don’t want to talk to your kids? Maybe they aren’t interested in them?

Equally maybe they have spent all day talking to their parents and have had enough?

When we go out one person does the entire order (the person sitting nearest to where the waiter is standing) because it’s easier for the staff to engage with one person than a load of people calling across the table etc- your kids would presumably think 99% of my family are incapable of ordering for themselves!

I would not judge. But I would not do it myself. For those saying it's the modern equivalent of a sticker book or colouring that is not really accurate. The thing about the iPad at the table is that, as of necessity, it comes with the headphones too and that really cuts the child off from what is going on; really limits interactions. At least with a sticker book or colouring (or small lego sets which is what I used to bring to dinner) there can still be interaction between the parents and children. Personally, I would intersperse the child focussed daily activities with a bit of down time for me too. Actually I would likely have taken an hour after lunch to read a book whilst the children watched the iPad and then had a nicely interactive family dinner later on. But that is me. OP asked a question. I would not judge her. I probably would not notice. But it is not what I would do.

Ah you missed out then. We did meals out lasting more than an hour when our kids were younger - sometimes they had screens and we had a bloody lovely evening. It still resulted in having young adults who are capable of sitting socially and interacting with their dinner companions so I guess you missed out? Don’t feel bad, some of us are just better parents and can get the same end result with their children without all the righteousness… 😊

Wtf are you going on about?! The airport is one of the most stressful environments you could possibly imagine. If someone is placating their child because they’re being a pain - or perhaps the parent themselves are feeling anxious and need the child to be calm, who is anyone to judge? Clearly you, apparently. Your medal is in the post. And I say this a a mum of 4 who has travelled extensively through airports and it’s always stressful. We’ve never used iPads going through security - mostly because how would you? Things need to be put into the bins to go through the scanner but I wouldn’t ever judge someone just doing the best they can to get through an extremely stressful situation. You’re clearly an absolute legend amongst mums though so props to you!

Posters talk about toddlers only being entertained for so long but how do the rest of the world do it? Dining out aboard and we noticed how there were children right from under 1 upto teenagers at the restaurant and not a single one had an iPad or phone. All families interacting together and no children running around or screaming. This was every meal we had across 3 countries for 2 weeks. Funnily enough, the occasional British and Russian families had their children with tablets

We didn’t do meals out lasting over an hour when the children were same age as OPs because they would have struggled. How much attention and stimulation they had or hadn’t all day was irrelevant as they still needed to be able to tolerate the meal. We also chose environments that suited children when younger.

Eating out is an expensive privilege and the children have been brought up to see it the same way - not something to endure and be bored through. Where the environment allows, they will bring paper and pen/pack of cards or anything small and quiet to do while they wait but they are still engaging with their environment when playing - a world apart from being in their own world addicted to a screen.

There's a difference between allowing a DC to have 30 minutes on an iPad at the end of a family meal, and letting them have it the minute you sit down.
I do think it's sad when the iPad or phone is whipped out at absolutely everything occasion such as travelling on a bus which DS used to love seeing everything go by, or memorably at the airport with a family going through security, where again I would have thought there was enough to distract any DC.

As long as the volume is down I wouldn’t care.

I was in a cafe recently where the family let their child play games that were so loud I was struggling to hear the person opposite me, I was all for moving table but the others thought it would look rude to move, make of that what you will 😂

Not me (I couldn't care less) but I think it means they think to themselves "I hope they have given that child a tablet because the child has a SN that means they would otherwise struggle in this environment, otherwise they are being really shit parents".

Anyone who thinks they can 'train' a toddler to sit and wait in a restaurant without distractions whilst waiting for food is bonkers. They will as they get older. There's enough battles and struggles in life stop making things that are meant to be enjoyable for ALL (child included) so difficult.

Absolutely you can train toddlers to be patient in restaurants. It's called effective parenting. There are plenty of techniques you can employ to entertain your little one while they also learn that life isn't always filled with instant gratification and that sometimes patience and getting a bit bored are a normal part of social occasions/events.

People seem desperate to prevent their children from experiencing even a nano second of boredom - seemingly happy to accept bad behaviour if they as parents have failed to prevent this.! I would say the opposite. Kids need to be bored sometimes. It stimulates their imagination. It also teaches them that not everything is about them and their needs.

By making sure your children are forever entertained and stimulated by external factors such as iPads and phones , we are breeding a generation of children who believe this is a right and an entitlement.

I used a phone for my now 7 year old when he was younger. He doesn't use it now and as he's got older he's just naturally learnt to be more patient (slightly). So your difficult restaurant trips were a bit pointless weren't they?

Anyone who thinks they can 'train' a toddler to sit and wait in a restaurant without distractions whilst waiting for food is bonkers. They will as they get older. There's enough battles and struggles in life stop making things that are meant to be enjoyable for ALL (child included) so difficult.

We don't have screens at the dining table or when we eat out.
It's a perfect time to actually talk to each other, interact and find out about each others day.
It also means you focus more on what you're eating and not just mindlessly shoving things into your mouth.
Research does show that eating together (minus screens) is better for physical and mental and emotional wellbeing.

We try not to, but don’t mind if others do, as long as there is no irritating sound on. Society has changed though so young children go to restaurants quite frequently. I remember first going to a proper restaurant at about nine years old. Restaurants are also more casual now, it’s not like a formal dinner. It does irritate me slightly when everyone is on their phone though (including adults) but accept that it is the way of life.

Can I add that I’m not, as I said in an earlier post, anti screens altogether at the table - I can see they have their uses. But I think it’s a bit sad when kids are just automatically given them because all it tells them is that ‘here, we don’t expect you to be able to cope with this situation, so have a highly addictive distraction so you don’t have to ever learn how to’. And as for teens with phones - I’m not naive, my dds will often get theirs out at the table but it’s met with a hard stare and they will quickly put them away. They know the rules - they have always been expected to put them away for the duration of the food service and to interact with those around them for most if not all of the time in the restaurant.