There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

Um no. Really bad manners. I have 4 kids between 3 and 15, 2 of them have SEN and none of them have ever been permitted to use a tablet at the table in much the same way as I have never let them lick the plates or pick their nose at the table. Sitting for a meal is really basic parenting. I'd not say anything but would totally judge this.

Of course they will. Just like children will still learn when crayons are ‘shoved’ at them.

Ugh, this is going to be my last post on this topic, as it's obviously very emotive and quite frankly I have better things to do with my weekend than argue online. For people where it's not physically obvious (sorry, but this is a proportion) you can generally tell by the way the parents act, rather than the child.

If I am out with my son I concentrate on him. If I am out without him I concentrate on who I am with. I don't see the point of judging whatever everyone else is doing if it is not disturbing me.

But they will actually. Most parents don’t stick the headphones on from the beginning of the meal. It’s a back-up to preserve the peace for other diners. And it’s rude to involve a whole restaurant in your parenting.
Trust me: if you expose them they slowly learn.

'They will never learn if you stick to MacDonalds. What an upbringing! '

They will never learn if you shove earphones on them and plonk screens in front of them. 'What an upbringing!'

'Kids, after your fun day of non stop activities we expect you to sit quietly and eat your food. If you don't there'll be no non stop activities'. It's simple.

They need to be taught social skills, it's called parenting. Bit tedious at times but there you go.

They will never learn if you stick to MacDonalds. What an upbringing! And sometimes parents want to eat something a little more elevated - and to expose their children to it.

You go because for the time they can manage to be quiet and still and conversing appropriately they are learning and being exposed to civilised conduct. And that time will gradually lengthen.

There are people other than children in a family who might want to eat out even if the kids aren’t bothered- ‘yes you have to come, but you can watch a movie on your phone’ is a reasonable compromise.

What is the point of eating out as a family if the kids have headphones on and are glued to their screens. Just get a takeaway.

Going forward, when planning a 'kid centric day' tell them the deal is they sit and eat quietly later. If they can't then no trampolining. You need to teach them these important social skills. Or stick to MaccyD's.

You can’t tell.

And quite honestly I just want to enjoy my meal without having to wonder about any diagnosis of children in the restaurant . If that involves a screen, so be it. I hope their parents give them input on their own time when it isn’t affecting other diners… but ultimately that’s not my concern.
Ours love food and trying new foods except one picky one who is luckily happy to draw quietly. We take them anywhere and everywhere to eat as usually quietly discussing the menu then snacking on bread and olives, then enjoying the beak gets us discreetly through the evening. But any sign of restlessness in tired little people and I’d hastily thrust a screen and earplugs at them. Anything else is not fair to other diners.

Please elaborate.

I'm curious to know how you can (generally) tell whether or not a child has additional needs just by looking at them in a restaurant?

What do children with additional needs look like? What is it about them that makes them so easy (generally) to spot?

Absolutely genius thing to do! No way would i think it’s anything else 😂

I think so too. Colouring is fine provided it isn’t accompanied by loud questions about “ what colour do I do the train? Muuuum there isn’t a skin colour crayon”; and if it’s Pizza Express you could probably get away with a quiet game of cards as it’s a family restaurant. But another aspect of good parenting besides interacting is teaching dc that the whole restaurant doesn’t need to revolve around them being parented to within an inch of everyone else’s tolerance because they are too precious to ever be exposed to 🧟‍♀️😱 a screen.

You can still interact with children when they are on the iPad.

It’s no different to colouring, especially since a child can sit there colouring with no interaction too.

Judging by MN, families go to restaurants a hell of a lot more than they ever used to, so if it's more of a routine thing, I can totally understand the kids sometimes occupying themselves quietly on a tablet, in the same way I would sometimes read my book at the table at home.

I grew up in the 90s in a pretty comfortable middle-class family, probably not that different to the stereotypical MN family set-up, but we only went to restaurants maybe a few times a year. Even on holiday, we were usually camping and generally ate at the campsite. Cafés at supermarkets/garden centres/shopping centres/attractions were more frequent, probably a couple of times a month. It was a bit more of a novelty for me, and it probably felt like less of a nuisance having to behave myself for something that didn't happen very often.

Personally it's a no for me.

Electronic dummy / babysitter.

There are many hours in the day to interact with your children, they won’t be miss out from being allowed to zone out in a restaurant for half an hour every now and again.

@Calliopespa The key difference here is that we're interacting with our kids rather than letting tech babysit them. Obviously we wouldn't play a card game in a quiet restaurant and we kept the noise under control, but in somewhere like a Pizza Express where the background noise is significantly louder than a family of 4 playing a card game together I don't think it's an issue. We tended to colour and draw more than play cards anyway.
Once the kids were a bit older of course we expected them to sit and engage in conversation but when they're little, it's unrealistic to expect them to just chat away for ages whilst waiting and colouring / card games helped distract them for a few minutes until the food arrived.

But you are still just entertaining them in a way that falls short of sitting up and conversing quietly. I realise not all young dc will be capable of that but if I’m completely honest, I’d rather the guests at table beside us had their children on an iPad with headphones than had a game of dobble going on.

We are not huge users of iPads but our dc have either been either quiet ( happy just to doodle with a pencil) or young to join in the conversation appropriately. But I realise we have been fortunate in that regard and I think it’s silly denigrating a screen just because it’s a screen. There’s quite a lot of this attitude on MN. If you’re having to play card games it would be much more considerate to others to give them a screen. Do your training and non screen time in private.

Also disagree with screens at tables. Just gives the wrong message to kids. It's deeply antisocial and doesn't teach them that they need to converse, engage and interact with the world around them. It's also just lazy. And rude. So yes, I would silently judge.

I have three kids, late primary/early secondary. I know it's not easy...but that's life. We have the screen battle daily. But they know they will never win at the table. That's a time to talk.

I'm also a teacher and can spot the kids that have been brought up on screens a mile away as they have less social awareness, skills, manners and emotional intelligence.

I don’t think it’s lazy parenting. I have nieces and nephews who are amazing parents but they do automatically reach for the tablet when we are out for family meals. I think they just do that because it’s what a lot of others do and perhaps aren’t familiar with the research that shows how damaging screens can be.

I disagree. I have teens. They were all perfectly capable as young children of sitting nicely at the table without screens to entertain them. It's bad table manners for a start.
Yes, the parents have to interact with them to keep them occupied but that's what happens when you have young children to parent. Whilst waiting for food to arrive we coloured together, played Uno / Dobble, did drawings etc.
Once the meal is finished, we left quite quickly before they got bored and my DH and I enjoyed a drink together once the kids were in bed.

My SIL said she was shamed when she was flying back from Australia and relied on iPads to entertain her three young kids at the airport. If ever there was a time it's when you have been up for almost 24 hours with kids who have been strapped in and then herded around an airport and are tired and bored but you have to sit and wait.
iPads weren't a thing for my kids (born in early 2000s) and no phones til secondary. I knew during those early years that eating out meant going early and not lingering - that's just the way it was. They were very well behaved but there is a limit.
I wouldn't think anything if I saw a kid on their iPad at a restaurant- not during the actual meal though. Afterwards if parents are enjoying coffee/dessert fine.

Personally I wouldn’t feel bad for a millisecond about the scenario.

But a restaurant where other people are trying to enjoy their meal isn't the time or place to 'train' them to be patient. As I said, my 7 year old will now wait. Whether that's a restaurant, queuing, waiting his turn. He's fine! But using screens when he was younger was easier for everyone.

You didn't train your toddler to sit and be patient, either they were naturally fairly placid and happy to sit still, or, like my child, they just learnt patience with age.