There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

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I gave my DD4 my phone after a meal this week as she'd gotten to running around the place stage, so it was in everyone's interests 🤣 My friend's teenage DDs were on their phones, so how is it any different?
Don't let anyone's judgement get to you, they have absolutely no idea!

iPads are a recent advent, even when my 20 year old DD was young they weren’t a ‘thing’ yet - do you think that generations of kids just simply didn’t eat before the dawn of constant screen time?

It is rarely an issue just confined to restaurants, nevertheless, if a child is so distressed in that environment that they physically cannot cope without an iPad then it is obviously unsuitable for them.

Do you know everybody?

Maybe someone mightn't need a screen to physically eat, but they may need it to help them to stay in the restaurant environment. It can be challenging environment for some people.

Actually, others are not.

People can have an opinion but they are not entitled (believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment) to one, especially when frankly it is none of their business. Unless the child is being disruptive on their iPad by being noisy, they can avert their eyes, mind their business, and concentrate on the people they are actually with instead of looking around for something to judge. I would find it rude if I was having a meal with someone and they were busy staring and judging strangers because their children were on tablets.

Nobody needs a screen to eat. It’s a learned habit.

I've a child with additional needs, more often than not, she needs a screen to eat, I don't care what I'm other ppl say, it's what she needs! But yes, ppl are overly judgemental on other parents 🤔

You can bet your bottom dollar if iPads had been around in the 70’s and 80’s our parents would have damn well used them! Don’t let others make you feel bad, much preferable to kids running riot in a restaurant!
YANBU !

Why do you care what judgy judgerpants thinks?

Exactly. I am 14 years into the parenting a disabled child life - now I can generally ignore the judgemental “experts” who think they know better in all areas.

But going back to the early days of the journey and the comments and looks from others could be a massive blow and make me want to not go out to places because it make me feel we weren’t worthy

Thanks. Im only doing what thousands of parents of disabled children are doing.

The ‘lazy parent’ bollocks and judgement doesn’t bother me, I’m very self assured (and have excellent support around me), and I know what I do works because I see the proof in him every day.

However, lots of mothers of disabled children, and mothers who are themselves disabled and are just getting through the day are far more vulnerable to and ground down by all this ignorant judgement.

It makes life that bit harder for people who are out there doing their best, just so that other folks can pat themselves on the back and congratulate themselves on their superiority.

Personally I wouldn’t want to be the kind of person who gets my kicks that way.

The old life: you are nothing short of amazing- honestly.

On holiday at an all inclusive resort right now and I’m astounded at the number of kids even at breakfast with iPads never mind lunch and dinner. I kind of consider holidays family time so always feels a little sad to see kids sitting from start to finish in their own world of screen and earphones through out meal times.

Lazy parenting again. What is wrong with the occasional bit of lazy parenting? Why do some people think parents must be giving it 100% all day, every day?

How many hours a day do you have to spend interacting with your child before you become a lazy parent?

I only ask because mine is disabled- a genetic disorder which causes physical illness, as well as asd and severe adhd (as well as sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, dyspraxia and anxiety disorder).

He is 10, and I have to home educate him because school can’t meet his needs (unless we travel a 3 hour round trip twice a day, which he can’t do), which means I am with him 24 hours a day, every day. He doesn’t sleep much, usually for 3 maybe 4 hours a night in his bed, then he is back with me.

I teach him, I take him and stay at all his socialising or clubs/lessons, I manage his medication and medical appointments and therapies, I do all his physio exercises with him, I deal with his anxiety attacks and meltdowns, I read to him and play with him, I make sure he is clean and clean up after him, he spends his nights in my bed, I physically contain him when out of the house so he doesn’t wander into traffic or fall in the canal- basically if it needs doing- I do it, if he knows how to do it- I taught him.

Incidentally, I do all that while being disabled and chronically ill myself (I am a wheelchair user and get the highest level pip for reference).

Not that I’m complaining in any way- he is an absolute joy and we have a great relationship and life…

I’m just wondering how the odd half hour on a screen at a restaurant has managed to tip me over into the realms of lazy parenting, and how much more active parenting I need to do to reach the level of the non lazy parents?

I have never and would never let my children sit at a dining table in public or at home with an iPad. It’s an absolute no for us (but then they are 12 & 10 and don’t have iPads anyway as they prefer sports to tech thankfully).

would I judge you or anyone else for doing it? No absolutely not, it’s none of my business unless your kids are disturbing the restaurant in some way. iPad away, I don’t care what you do with your kids.

We always allow allow it after the meal but not during

we can then enjoy an extra glass of wine in peace

Absolutely 100% fine - chill out mama and enjoy your meal in peace! X

It would only annoy me if you don't use headphones. Moral of the story: always use headphones on a reasonable volume to enjoy your ipad. Thank you

You are the parent. Do it if that’s what you want. Let others judge. But others are entitled to an opinion. My opinion is that it is unnecessary and lazy parenting. But they aren’t my kids so I don’t really care what you let them do in their/your spare time

Hi op.

I think you do amazing. Kuddos on all the activities. Don’t let strangers push your buttons! Especially when it looks like your table time is your downtime…!

enjoy your holidays 🌺

You sound totally reasonable to me!

Exactly.

I don’t get this idea that EVERY meal must be treated a) in the same way and b) be about socialising and talking.

Sometimes I don’t feel like talking, sometimes I’m at a really exciting point in my book, sometimes I’m meeting an old friend and talking for hours etc.

Variety and deviation is normal in life- children don’t need to have every meal treated in exactly the same way in order to learn how to behave at the table.

And actually everyone knows this- they know their children won’t think every meal must be on the floor because they have been to a few picnics, they know that their children won’t refuse to eat at home because at school they pray before eating, they know they won’t be 45 and demanding a sticker book at a work lunch-

so they should know that their kids won’t have to watch spider man over every meal forever because they do sometimes when they are 5.

You are there to eat and hold conversation, not have your kids hooked up to technology.

Who made that rule? I'm an adult, and sometimes I'm at a restaurant or a café to eat and hold conversation. Occasionally I'm there to sit companiably in mostly-silence with DP while we occupy ourselves with whatever interests us. Sometimes I'm there on my own to eat and relax and read/stare into space/faff about online. Sometimes I'm there alone or with others to efficiently ingest fuel and move on to something else. Sometimes different things happen at different parts of the meal.

I get that it's important for kids to learn to have a mealtime conversation and contribute to interactions as a form of social bonding and entertainment, but not every meal out you have as an adult is a primarily social event filled with skillful conversation from (pre-)beginning to (post-)end.