There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

It's clear you have absolutely no experience of parenting a child or teen with SN @NeighbourTrouble63.

I'd love if people could confine their judgements to subjects they have some actual experience or knowledge of, but I guess that will never happen.

Anyway, the point is the child often won't be distressed if they have an ipad with them. They can interact with family for a while, get used to socialising and then retreat to the safety of headphones if (probably when) it all gets a bit overwhelming.

In our case, what's happening is really the opposite of what you think is happening.Tech is allowing social inclusion, not promoting social isolation. The ipad allows my autistic teen to interact with the world much more than he would otherwise be able to. It allows him to try out a setting like a restaurant and gradually become more used to it.

Without accommodations like this he'd just have to stay at home instead.
He loves food and enjoys eating out and interacting with people when conditions are right. It's a godsend to have a device that helps achieve this.

It's also lovely to be able to socialise as a family instead of one parent always staying home too. It's good for siblings that we can do this even occasionally.

Do you understand now?

Nowhere in my post does it say child neglect - you are projecting. I’m not talking about ‘back in our day’, the world is unrecognisable and making comparisons between then and now in this instance would be unreasonable. I’m talking about not even 10 years ago when kids still had the adaptability to entertain themselves and sit quietly without iPads being brought everywhere.

How sad. How very sad that after being indulged for an entire day, your children can't cope with a family meal without continous entertainment.
Shame on you for not teaching them how to simply be in the monment. To learn patience, conversation, listening and manners.
I do sometimes wonder when parents decided their main role was to be the Genie of the Lamp.

Thanks for your judgement!
FYI, the meal had finished for us, but some.of my friends had turned up later than us. It had ended up being past my daughter's bedtime and she was tired. As OP says, we had done a lot of child centred activities during the day - so it's not the child neglect that you clearly seem to think it is.
Just because these things were not around when we were kids does not mean that we are ignoring our children now. I remember many a meal when I was a kid where we would be running around or camped out under the table- the world was not child friendly in the 80s!

We've never let our son do this, as he was happy with books, puzzle books and drawing, etc, but I would never judge anyone else.

I don’t really think it’s that different but then wouldn’t want my teens on phones at the table either…

Kid's didn't 'need' iPads at dinner 20'years ago

No..they didn't know what it was to watch an iPad. Now, they do.

Once you offer them an iPad in any setting, they're going to ask for them all the time.

Screens are addictive. I wish i could go back in time and never offer my child a screen but this is the world we live in

If you have children who are already young adults, you are not in a position to comment as the use of tablets and screens when they were young does not even remotely resemble what it is today.

The first iPad was invented in 2010. A parent who had a toddler and may have used it with them from the day it was released (unlikely) would have a 16/17 year old today. Even if that was you, the culture of using in a restaurant was so so different to today - it genuinely was just short times either side of the meal. The content available also not of the addictive nature it is right now to draw children in and want them to keep watching.

Or the children were very occasionally exposed to them when primary school age and already knew how to behave and expectations at restaurants

Would be impressive if you’d had an iPad decades before they were invented

You got your two year old to sit quietly at a dinner table and wear headphones? I'm guessing we might not be getting an accurate picture of the situation.

Restaurant, supermarket , cars, home - so many kids are glued to screens. I hate seeing this level of screen use and the effects that it has on development . Having said that most adults are glued to a screen too

So much judgement on here about lazy parenting from people who don't know what working hard at parenting is.

"Seeing kids on screens meant I swerved those restaurants this week, I don’t want my kids to think that it’s acceptable."

You do right not wanting your kids being contaminated like that.

Kids need to learn to entertain themselves without the use of screens - that’s the entire argument. Boredom nurtures creativity.

Says the person entertaining themselves with a screen… almost like it’s fine and normal to do so occasionally.

That’s tough luck. You signed up to be a parent. You do realise how absolutely ridiculous you sound by wanting an iPhone to look after your kids out of pure laziness?

Again- how much interaction and active parenting is required for you to not be in the lazy parent category? Because I rack up approximately 20 hours a day, and have for the last decade…

why do you need your decisions validated?

Thats an interesting question coming from someone who has to swerve venues to avoid their family members seeing someone parenting differently to them.

The thing is @NeighbourTrouble63 and others who have contributed similar… Most of us will have produced decent members of society by the time our kids reach adulthood, regardless of whether we gave our kids iPads in a restaurant or not. Same as the ridiculous competition with potty training - some parents will have cracked it early and feel superior, some will still be changing pull ups aged 5 and feel like shit. The end result is the same though - young people who use the toilet, however long it took them.

The difference between you and me is that I will have raised my kids to adulthood ( and raised decent members of society) without making another parent feel like shit. There’s no need. Your child won’t be superior, you’ll have just made someone on their own journey feel bad for no other reason than making yourself feel better than anyone else.

And I’ll hold my hands up and say that sometimes I’m a lazy parent. And that’s totally ok, unless you’re a martyr, which I’m gladly not.

I didn’t sign up to martyr myself to my children. I’m secure in my parenting decisions, my children are brilliant and are lovely to take out to eat as the young people they are. In the past we’ve occasionally used screens if they’ve become restless because me and my husband like the experience of going out to eat too. We don’t want to leave as soon as the kids have finished, therefore they’ve had to wait for us. I actually think you’ve done your kids a disservice by pandering to their every need, thinking that an adult will pitch in when they’re bored and help them out. We don’t have that in our house. Our kids have learnt a number of ways to entertain themselves whilst we’re out for food. None of them rely on us to get involved. Poor you if you’ve done that to your kids. It’s ok though, I’m sure they’ll turn out ok in the end.

YANBU

Everybody needs respite. Kids are happy, you're happy. Some people will always think they know your life and have a right to judge. They don't know you and you don't know them or what type of people they are. They could have entirely different values. They could be blithering idiots. They could be ignorant, abrasive know-it-alls secretly despised by those around them.

In short, you can choose who's opinion you value enough to take on board, and they seem like people who probably haven't earned that.

Sounds like you are conscientious and made effort, you are aware of the kids' needs. Everyone needs a break and the kids probably appreciated some quiet downtime too. These strangers aren't going to amuse the kids while you eat, or have to deal with the consequences of not having a moment's peace and then having to find even more energy after eating to pick up and carry on with the rest of the day. So really it's none of their business and it's sad that they made tried to make it their business.

Also, like it or not, kids are growing up in a world of technology. If you deny them any opportunity at all to interact with it, you'd be doing them a massive disservice in my opinion. Like most things, it's about how it is used and the balance with other things. In my line of work, I have met exceptional people for years who would not have got where they are without spending many productive hours when younger on the PC learning to code etc., so witholding technology isn't always a good thing anyway.

What if you didn’t want to play with your child though?

That’s tough luck. You signed up to be a parent. You do realise how absolutely ridiculous you sound by wanting an iPhone to look after your kids out of pure laziness?

My kids have learnt that sometimes they just need to entertain themselves whilst mum and dad have down time.

Kids need to learn to entertain themselves without the use of screens - that’s the entire argument. Boredom nurtures creativity.

What if you didn’t want to play with your child though? What if the meal was at the end of a hard week and you just wanted to be fed and go home to bed. I’ve raised children who don’t think they are the centre of the universe. They don’t need to be interacted with every moment of the day. We have been out for meals where we didn’t have any technology and we’ve had a great time chatting and we’ve had meals out where the kids have quietly occupied themselves because mum and dad are knackered. Nothing wrong with either of those scenarios. My kids have learnt that sometimes they just need to entertain themselves whilst mum and dad have down time.

I gave my kids an iPad in restaurants on occasion and I’ve now got pre teens and teens who are a pleasure to go to dinner with. All are social and an absolute delight. But I’ll let you feel superior because you put in the early years investment. Lol.

In years gone by a parent would have actually played with their child (not just handed them a phone..) at that point to entertain them for the last part of the meal, plus not sat around for so long that they are getting so restless in the first place.

It may surprise you that many parents do have an idea of what it’s like to raise children without shoving a screen in their face at every convenience..

Seeing kids on screens meant I swerved those restaurants this week, I don’t want my kids to think that it’s acceptable.
we take a card game to play whilst we’re waiting for our meal and then eat together.
they are also learning that evenings are more adult time, so their behaviour is expected to be calmer. I invested in early years restaurant behaviour expectations and now have primary school age kids who are pleasures to go to dinner with.

but you do you.

why do you need your decisions validated?

"Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5."The OP not appearing to know how old her children are would indicate that?