There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

It's different because of the effect that screens have on children, completely absorbing their attention with bright colours and sounds, and pulling them away from what is going on around them.

It's a very different thing to colouring or a toy, where they are still aware of their surroundings and 'reachable'.

I'm not someone who demonises screens at all and I think they have their time and place and can be really beneficial in a lot of ways - but the fact is - they are different to other forms of play/ entertainment, and they have a different effect on children's brains and attention. There is a lot of science around this, it's not just being 'weird about screens'.

(And also, if people think giving a child an iPad is no different to colouring or toys, then why do they choose to use them instead of those?)

Ds is 14. He is mainly tube fed and has autism amongst his list of disabilities.

I have recently been away with him for a couple of days, during the days he complelty pushed himself out of his comfort zone.

Selfishly I need to eat so when we went to the hotel’s restaurant he played on his iPad. We did talk about what he was looking at and it allowed him to decompress a bit while I ate.

When ds was younger I was very much of the mentality “don’t give children phones when out” but then life taught me not to judge and as long as it’s not negatively impacting you then don’t worry about what works for others. You’re seeing a tiny snippet of their life.

The rule we had as kids was never at the table. That said I'm not a parent and each family makes their own rules. I see eating together as a time of connecting.

I think children go to more grown up restaurants now than they used to, possibly enabled by iPads etc. Chicken and egg situation I think.

I wouldn't judge anyone for it and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw a family doing this and certainly wouldn't assume they're a bad parent - I know I'm just getting a tiny snapshot of their life so not anything close to enough to judge on. But personally would I do this, no. I like mealtimes for the social connection they offer and I personally don't like devices at the table.

My concern would be that there isn’t a magical age where kids snap into being able to sit nicely at the table and engage. They learn how to do this by practising it. If they’re given screens at 2 years old and then it’s decided they’re too old for them at 5, they’ve missed out on 3 years of learning how to sit nicely at the table and engage and it’s a much harder battle.

I see families going out for meals with older children and teens who can’t be dragged from their phones to participate in conversation and it’s sad for everyone. I worry that if table manners aren’t instilled from the outset, it’s only harder and harder to resolve.

It’s not an issue of judgment for me - I don’t think it’s bad parenting to use screens at mealtimes. It’s not a sign the kids aren’t loved, cherished and cared for well. But from a purely practical perspective I think it’s storing up a much larger and harder problem for the future.

I think people are judgemental of inconsiderate behaviour rather than what other people do with their offspring, if they are raising them to entitled then yes judgement will happen. Ie sound on and flickering screens, when lazy parenting infringes on others, they have a right to complain.

Because everything doesn’t need to be 100% child-centred all of the time, and the parents being allowed to eat a meal is pretty reasonable.

I’m not in favour of giving kids screens in this scenario, they should be taught to socialise and sit nicely to eat but parents don’t do that either. If I’m a fellow diner, I’d rather them be like quiet zombies on screens than running around screaming.

It seems rather old fashioned now to expect children to learn to live with a bit of boredom. Much to the detriment of their mental health later on, the evidence is suggesting. But much easier for parents to just stick a screen in front of them.

I didn't let my kids near a screen, other than a bit of TV until they were a lot older. That doesn't mean I was right to do so, or parents who make other choices are wrong.

I'm more concerned you don't know how old your children are!

But we don't know if they actually said anything or OP just thought they got the 'look'

They probably didn’t go out for meals and sit in restaurants.

I had a game boy and a CD player as a kid that I took places (we travelled a lot).

If you really want my toddler sitting sobbing in a high chair while I pin them down so they can’t escape, then so be it, but generally I think it’s easier to just let them watch Peppa Pig for twenty minutes and not ruin everyone else’s meal.

The idea that parents need to be actively engaging with their children 100% of the time is a bit of a modern phenomenon IMO. And a lot of rose-tinted spectacles…!

@Jk987

No. Just pointing out that it didn't happen in the past. In my own childhood because iPads didn't exist and my DC's because it isn't necessary. It's a choice. The OP made her choice. I made mine.

I agree. Surely colouring is an occupying activity too. Yes technically can talk and join in but a lot of kids don't.

People who are saying it didn't happen 20 years ago. My Aunt said they just couldn't eat out. They just didn't go. ND kids.

We should stop judging others unless you know the full story but even then don't.

Also perhaps they were tired and after a full on day like that - why not take them back to the hotel or whatever and not to a restaurant.

The OP clearly pointed out that her children used headphones.

Why is 'placating with screens' any different from placating a child with a colouring book, or a toy, or a dummy, or any of the other billion things parents use to entertain/soothe a bored child so they can get a minute's peace? It entertained a child in a pleasant and harmless way for a while so everyone could eat dinner in peace.

Mumsnet is so, so weird about 'screens' and just thinks any screen-based activity is bad and wrong and harmful, regardless of what it is and when it's happening.

Of course it's fine. I'm sure most people let their kids watch TV some of the time. I remember watching Crown Court as a toddler in the 70s! What's the difference?

We didn't do it, or have mobile phones at the table.

Relying on electronics for constant entertainment didn't strike us as desirable.

But each to their own, if you find it useful. You do you. We're all different and so are our kids

I think it's a necessity at the end of a long day sometimes. It didn't happen in the 1980's or whatever because the technology didn't exist and I hardly remember eating out as a kid (we were poor though so maybe that's my own experience only)

What I don't like is seeing babies/toddlers glued to screens in pushchairs. It's normal for kids to be a bit bored on public transport or waiting for something. I don't think the solution should always be putting a screen in front of them.

"after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal."

I get it (and I certainly wouldn't say anything to a parent at the end of their tether who was doing this!)... but at the same time... you chose to have children, and it's perfectly possible to teach children to behave themselves in restaurants.

Regularly relying on iPads to keep your kids quiet so you can have 'adult time' is a bit of a cop out, really.

iPads/ tablets certainly have their time and place, for absolute emergencies, long haul flights/ train rides etc. and I wouldn't mind using them in a more relaxed family cafe/ pub like a Harvester or something.

But in a restaurant, personally, I just wouldn't. I would put time and effort into teaching my kids how they need to behave, even if I was tired and wanted to 'enjoy my meal' - the kids are more important and they need to learn social skills. It's not OK for me to pull out an iPad and watch Love Island if I get bored in a restaurant, so it's not really helpful to teach kids that it's OK.

And if they are too young to behave themselves in a restaurant, personally I just wouldn't go. Go to a family friendly pub/ cafe instead where it will be more relaxed.

My kids never had iPads in restaurants. Sorry if I sound judgy but you did ask.

I'd tell those judging that you do this so that THEY, and other guests, can have a quiet and undisturbed meal.

However, you'll happily take the iPad etc away and allow the kids to disturb people's meal!

It didn’t used to happen, but that’s because iPads didn’t exist so when eating out with young kids adults wouldn’t have been able to really enjoy the meal by having adult conversation and once the kids had finished eating they would have paid up and left. If having the kids on iPads means they can sit for an extra half an hour whilst you finish the meal off with coffee and conversation I don’t see an issue in that. Obviously it’s different if kids are given iPads on immediate arrival to a restaurant and stay on them whilst eating etc, but if towards the end of the meal once the kids have finished and start getting restless giving an iPad means you can stay a little longer rather than immediately leave then I don’t see an issue with that.

I agree. Everything is so extreme now - either hyper focussed on kids, or SCREEN TIME. It’s all too much for their brains, constantly in a state of excitement and dopamine hits. It feels like the adults ricochet between being the best Instagram parent ever by spending £££ on fancy days out, or ‘needing a break’ and wheeling out tablets to disengage from the children completely. It’s a cycle which feeds into itself and means kids become less and less able to play independently.

I posted the other day to say I’ve thrown the towel in on modern parenting and have revisited what my parents did in the 90s. Kids just weren’t constantly stimulated then - we had toys and books and pottered around as parents did jobs or had a beer in the garden. We chatted as we went, big days out were a treat, we went together on dog walks/church or errands. Less pressure on me, less dopamine crashes for them, less expectation and disappointment. I’ve never had to wrangle a tablet off my kids because they’ve never had one.

Failing to see the problem, it keeps the kids quiet and happy.