There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

Hi from Judgy Judgerpants

You do what you see fit with your kids OP.

But yes, total judgement from me for using them with kids under 5, I think it's awful to see them with electronics at the table at that age.

People will always judge for something that's different to how they do things, it's just how it goes. Your reaction to it though suggests that you are bothered as you know it's not great yourself and your just looking agreement to appease your own guilt.

For everyone saying ‘I don’t care what anyone else does’, I do.

Child/teen mental health has never been worse, we have scary CAMHS waiting lists and clear evidence that tablets and excessive screen use (which interferes with normal communication) is damaging on every level, from babies through to teens.

Of course someone will leap up and say ‘yeah right like 10 minutes on a tablet would give a kid a mental health issue’ but in every case I know where the parent would say ‘oh they only use it for 10 minutes a day’ it’s actually a LOT more. I think if they actually timed it, they would shock themselves. And the reliance creeps up on you.

I’ve been convinced for a while now a lot of teen ‘anxiety’ is just screen withdrawal when they’re sat in school and can’t just use their phone as much as they want. And there’s emerging research they’re strongly correlated with speech delays and sensory issues.

It’s become a societal issue now rather than a person one tbh

Personally I’ve never allowed it but I would say we have had some very tough meals where we’ve had to exit early or have someone pacing up and down outside. However, I think that has been worth it as it’s now genuinely pleasant to go out with my 5 and 8 year olds and they behave beautifully in restaurants and are quite happy to have a chat or do a bit of colouring.

On holiday kids are often eating out much later and are a bit overtired. I’d much rather be next to a kid on a tablet with headphones than be sat next to a kid crying or chucking food. It’s not my place to judge as each family will be doing what works for them.

I’ve not got evidence as such; but I have noticed a decrease in imaginary play in dc these days. It’s seen as silly or babyish. It was my lifeblood till 10 or 11. We do let ours have devices at times but less than many and so many parents and teachers have commented on how creative and imaginative our dc are. You have to practice things - even using your imagination.

OP in this circumstance ( long day; you and DH trying to relax) I’d let them have it after the main course provided they behave and partake properly until then. Then you can all relax completely over dessert and long coffees. I wouldn’t let them at home.

I was a 70s baby and no, we weren't entertained with iPads because they didn't exist, but I have very vivid memories of being in a pushchair looking at a Disney Jungle Book comic and eating Jelly Tots in a cafe while my mum was having lunch with her friend. I'm pretty sure those Disney comics and Jelly Tots from the newsagent were serving exactly the same purpose as an iPad would have done, and that if an iPad with toddler-appropriate entertainment had existed in 1978 my mum would happily have let me look at one.

What did the person walking past say to you OP?

@Screamingabdabz The Benefits of Boredom - Child Mind Institute

Why Boredom Benefits Kids and How to Cultivate It This Summer - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

We didn’t get taken out for meals as children. Most holidays were self-catering, so DM cooked. We occasionally went to McDonalds, which had a play area, and Little Chef if we were driving somewhere on holiday (which also had a play area outside which we were left in unsupervised while our parents enjoyed their meal).

Totally different to now, where we often go for Sunday lunch in a pub, or eat in places like Real Greek or Prezzo on holiday.

Letting a child have an iPad in a restaurant is very child centric. You're pandering to what the child wants to do and what is easiest, rather than teaching them to sit quietly even if they might be a bit bored.

I have a ND child and devices/headphones are a godsend!

They allow us to eat out as a family occasionally. Sometimes we don't use them but they are there in case the child (now a teen) becomes overwhelmed by noise etc. They calm him and allow him to stay at the table a little longer so his parents and siblings can continue to eat together.

I'm absolutely sure we are judged for it, but at this point I tend to judge the judgers right back for being so clueless about disability.

We've done it on holiday after eating when DH and I want to relax a bit and finish drinks.

I couldn't care less about what random strangers think of my parenting.

My DC have limited screen tile and are very active, bit sometimes the while family needs to have some chill out time.

I don’t care what anyone else does but I do think there is something wrong with it for my own children as I would like them to learn to be bored without constantly needing a screen the second they aren’t being entertained in some way. However, I have still given them a screen to keep them quiet while waiting for food in restaurants even though I don’t feel comfortable with it because sometimes it’s just better for everyone’s sanity to take the easy option.

I wouldn’t let my kids watch a screen while they were eating though, just the same as I wouldn’t allow them to watch a screen at the dinner table at home, that’s just a line I’ve drawn with my own family though. You can do what you like with yours!

I do this, and don't care what others think - as long as it's not impacting on them (i.e not using headphones/having volume off which is really inconsiderate) it's none of their business.

It’s her way of answering the question. Stop closing people down.

I mean… they’re practicing by being taken to restaurants aren’t they.

It’s hardly ‘storing up a problem for the future’ by actually… taking your child out to these places so they have experience of them and learn about how to behave there.

Im usually armed with a whole range of toys etc to help keep my toddlers entertained in restaurants - but sometimes they lose interest in those things and watching a screen will get them to sit still. They’re very small - there is no rationalising with them.

Parents are damned if they do and damned if they don’t quite frankly.

My DC are older and have left home now but from a young age we'd all sit at the table and eat our evening meal together myself and DH would never sit scrolling on a mobile device and knew we wouldn't like it if the DC grew up to think it acceptable so it wasn't something we allowed them to do as youngsters whether at home or when eating out.

It seems rather old fashioned now to expect children to learn to live with a bit of boredom. Much to the detriment of their mental health later on, the evidence is suggesting.

Can you share the evidence for this please? I'm interested

Well lots of perfect parents, loads - wow, so many of you are bloody awesome. I bet you’ve all got tonnes of awards (printed off your own computer) congratulating you on your perfectness 🙄.

Prior to having children and any understanding of neurodivergency, there was a time of be ignorant enough to think ‘oh my child would not be allowed to do that’. But now, being wiser and more educated, I’ve learnt my child’s iPad really regulates him when we’re out and about and there’s no harm caused. He certainly doesn’t spend hours and hours on it each day, but it has its place. No, I didn’t have one growing up in the eighties and nineties but that was decades ago now and things change. My little boy eats better than I ever did, he experiences things I never did…

Honestly OP you sound like you have the right balance ☺️

I don’t like to see it, never did it & would silently “judge” (no one knows what else you’ve did that day you could be “neglectful” all the time)
wouldn’t judge out loud as it’s not my kids so not my choice & nothing to do with me.

We’ve managed days like that followed by a meal many times with 3 kids & still never resorted to tablets but mine have always been quite well behaved at tables

Yabu. It's a bad habit and so the better choice is a better balance of activities I e less child focused so they can tolerate dinner or chippy tea.

If you have the sound off then it isn't really my problem so I don't care.

But i personally think if you need to use an ipad to regulate neurotypical kids at a table, they are either still learning or it's the wrong time of day or choice of activity for them. Kids need to learn how to behave and regulate and as long as parents are actively trying to help their kids learn the necessary social skills, I don't think anyone minds a bit of noise.

But honestly, I think its a bit shit to use the ipad as a babysitter. People chose kids so they either need to teach them and include them or get an actual babysitter. Sorry.

Of course they did! Mine did anyway. My sister is four years younger so I can remember going out for dinner when I was maybe 6 and she was 2. I had a Gameboy too but for the car etc, I certainly wouldn't have been allowed it anywhere near a restaurant. If you were raised that way, maybe that's had an impact?

I don't really care about your toddler if I'm honest, if they were distressed I'd hope you'd take them outside to calm them down. You know, parent them, even if it means you don't get to enjoy your meal as much as you'd like. If you want to enjoy meals out 100% of the time, don't have kids.

Parents actively engaging 100% of the time is the direct opposite of what I'm saying though. It's about teaching the children to occupy themselves or join in with conversation. You might feel yours are too little, but if you don't lay the foundations now do you really think you'll be able to start when they're 5 or 8 or 12? No, they'll be expecting a screen! And they'll tantrum, and you won't want to make a scene then either.

Personally, I don't like it and have only ever allowed mine to have a tablet on the plane (plus homework now for eldest).

BUT, I agree that in your circumstances it's not a big deal and just one of those choices that different families make. Mine probably watch more TV at the weekend than yours, or maybe eat less veg.

I certainly wouldn't comment on another family's choices based on a snapshot. Although I might want to if they weren't using headphones! (I know yours were.)

It's a bit shit when someone behaves like that OP, and it can get under your skin. Take no notice.

Yes I agree.

I wouldn't comment, but if I'm entirely honest I would silently judge you. I think screens at the table are bad manners, and I prefer to encourage table manners and conversation with my children. I also think it is inconsiderate to other diners. Even with headphones on you can see the screen flashing etc.

But I do appreciate that it is harder if you don't eat out regularly and so haven't been able to model appropriate behaviour and expectations in restaurants as much. And of course I imagine there are some kids with SEN where it is genuinely the only way their parents are getting five minutes to eat, but that won't be the vast majority.

Mine never had devices in a restaurant, and now they have phones they're not allowed them when we're eating. My DN is addicted to his phone,always has it in restaurants which I don't like, but he's not my child!

As long as no volume, I can't see that it's anyone's business but I personally don't think it's a great route to go down, especially so young