There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

I do not care what anyone think, I don't judge others (except when they allow DC to play loud cartoons and games without headphones).

You don't have to justify yourself. I would have done the same when my DC were little. It was a little more tricky when in the company of friends that limit or have no screen time. In other people's houses we abide by their rules

My house my rules. Even with sleepovers, we had no screens or playing in the garden before 10am. If we had people over, DC were allowed screens after their main or could leave the table.

In my opinion it is lazy parenting. How do you expect them to behave as adults if your answer is to plonk them in front of an ipad whenever there is a potential that they may become bored. I have never seen children in restaurants with ipads in Italy, France, Spain etc, they are expected to sit at the table with the family and behave, which they do. Parents should talk to their children and involve them in the conversation.

In my experience the majority of kids with ipads on trains/at restaurants NEVER have headphones and their entitled parents just expect everybody in the vicinity to suffer. The children who are plonked in front of ipads will probably become adults who think it is acceptable to be sat at a table with company glued to their phones.

She said “There is absolutely no reliable, exhaustive research - none - to suggest that watching an iPad in a restaurant has a deleterious impact on how a child develops”

The studies you have shared relate to excess screen time (which she didn’t mention), whether that’s at home, in a restaurant, out and about etc.

You're on holiday too. It's absolutely ok to stick the iPad on for half an hour and enjoy your meal in peace. You don't need to rely on it all the time but sometimes for everyone's sanity (including the other diners 😂) it's fine in my opinion.

I don't feel there's any reason at all why a two year old needs an iPad. Definitely not at the table.

Good description I thought.

I don't understand those saying they don't like seeing it. Why? Does it effect your day? Is it going to keep you up at night.

Did the parent giving her child an iPad mean your meal was more enjoyable as the kids were kept busy? Yes!

Many people didn't have seat belts in cars in the 70s and we do now... the argument back in my day doesn't always work!

@justlonelystars Hardly being a pedant, if someone is going to come on here and state as fact that there's no evidence screen time is harmful (not you), I'm going to refute that. As it's not true.

Sorry but no. I don't believe in screens for children, other than watching television from time to time at home. We don't have an iPad or any other tablet and never had. I have two children. DD1 is 23. There were no screens when she was little. DD2 is 2 and won't be having a screen at all.

Nope, would never allow it.

@Laundryliar that was certainly how I was brought up and what I did with my own children. After a long day out on the beach etc then it's obvious the kids are going to be knackered and grouchy. The aim would be to get food in them as quickly as realistically possible and then pack them off to bed.

If we wanted a nice, relaxed dinner then that's what babysitters were for.

Well done? 🍪

This.

No iPad until after everyone has stopped eating.

It means parents abdicate from parenting and don't bother to talk to their kids. That's unhealthy.

You set expectations at that age.

I think there's two questions to separate. One is: are iPads at the table better than no iPads at the table? And I'd have to answer no, they're worse. Massive backstory or ND aside, NT children can sit at the table and socialise, and it's better for them and for general society if they learn to do this.

The other question is, does doing this make you a bad parent? And again I'd have to say no, it doesn't. We don't always do the precise best thing on every situation and that's fine. You're tired and want to enjoy a meal. No shame in that. It's a big leap to then say that iPads at table are actively good, or even that it's equally good as not having them, though.

I didn’t think I’d be a parent that would resort to ipads in restaurants but after a recent holiday where we massively struggled with eating out with our two year I will never judge someone for this again and might try it next holiday.

A few years ago, I’m ashamed to say I would have (silently) judged you…and then I had a non-verbal ND child.

We tried for years to avoid iPads but, as it turns out, watching YouTube videos is the only activity we can offer outside of the house that keeps him happy and regulated.

We very rarely eat in restaurants (mainly for fear of being judged) but, sometimes, it’s unavoidable if we’re away. Our son wouldn’t tolerate wearing headphones, so we either have the volume on mute or very very low and always just pay and leave if he becomes distressed in any way. Our childcare options are very limited so going anywhere without him is an extremely rare occurrence.

Life with a child with SEN can be incredibly hard and it saddens me that some people would be so judgemental about our, once in a blue moon, restaurant visit.

The issue to me is not so much the iPad as so much as expecting young children after a long day to then sit still at a table. I would have cooked at home/accommodation.
Digital skills are needed in life - my (much older) children have them, and developed them through using digital devices of all sorts for many years. Probably too much!

But, at worst I did an hour of cartoons on a TV, they never had a digital device as a soother. And for me this is what I see more of - a digital device used as a soother, so that parents can crack on / ignore / take them for a long meal / just avoid having to deal with the children's behaviour which says 'I am not happy for some reason'. A digital device does not deal with the underlying motivation for the childrens behaviour - it just numbs them.

I dont think it makes you a bad parent but I wouldn’t do it as I don’t think the distraction during another activity is necessary. I would rather my child was bored and adapted accordingly as I think this is a life skill that does need to be learnt. So ultimately I wouldn’t judge you as being ‘a bad parent’ as it’s your choice to parent and this is not ‘bad’ imo but I also would not take this stance myself.

People didn't take toddlers to restaurants late in the eve.
You simply didn't see 2yr olds in anything other than a really family friendly venue back when i was a kid, and even then 2yr olds would have gone much earlier, at say 5pm so were less tired. The family would have eaten quickly in order to get the kids home to bed, and eating out would have been a real treat mostly limited to on holiday.

In normal times if parents wanted a rare night to themselves having a nice drawn out dinner with chitchat, a babysitter would have been booked.
Peoples expectations in terms of lifestyle with kids have really changed.

I was never allowed to take my Gameboy to a meal (or the dinner table in general). Neither were my peers. It definitely wasn't acceptable amongst any parents I knew back then.

If we’re both being pedantic, OP is talking about exceptional circumstances whilst on holiday. Let’s look at my day to day as I don’t know OPs.

We eat out once a week. 90% of the time my son is fine and happy with colouring/toys/books. 10% of the time we might put a cartoon on for him if he’s playing up. So that would 5.2 days a year where he watches 15-20 minutes of tv in a restaurant. Cartoons off once food arrives. I can’t hand on heart say we go home after and only watch 40-45 minutes of tv after that but I know most days we probably only have it on for 30 minutes at home and some days none at all.
I also take him to the cinema occasionally, should I take him out 1 hour into the movie and miss the end? So maybe 10 days a year my child has excess screen time. Is that so awful? He’s only just 3 and is beginning to learn how to read, structures complex sentences, has a vivid imagination and the kindest nature. He’s a clever boy - I can’t take credit for his luck of the genetic draw - but I do nurture and encourage him in his development and learning. 10 days of excess screen time won’t harm him.

I don’t know OP. She could be one of those parents that whacks out the tablet the second her children open their eyes, then has the TV on all day. And I will agree with you that that type of parenting is problematic but from the limited information she’s given, it doesn’t sound like that is the case. So I’m not going to be a pedant and start quoting various studies at her that her one off use of iPads in a restaurant will permanently damage her child.

I'm with you OP.

DS is older now but when he was younger we would let him play - with sound off - on the iPad once he hd finished his evening meal, after we had spent a day out together. Before dinner we would play card games, but sometimes we were at nice restaurants eating a bit later and frankly DS needed a bit of downtime.

When I was young, I would read books or draw if I got bored at dinner time, it's just the modern equivalent. As long as your DC isn't disturbing other customers and the sound is off, can't see what the problem is.

Oh and DS has turned out fine, now on holiday with him age 18 and he is perfectly capable of making conversation for a meal.

I had a Game Boy as a child and grew up to be a perfectly healthy and happy adult with a good job, education etc.

My children are allowed to have their kindle on at meal times in restaurants, but only while we are waiting for food. As soon as food comes out, devices go off and we have a meal together and chat.

This works great for all of us.

You say they use headphones, which means I wouldn't be hearing whatever they're watching. So, I wouldn't care.

I wouldn't have allowed mine to have iPads at the table even if they were tired after a full day.

I believe that restaurant behaviour is a life skill that they need to learn as well as the art of conversation but seeing how inarticulate some modern youngsters are, I am clearly in the minority.

At least you used headphones though which I for one appreciate.