There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

And a very judgemental opinion at that!

We are fortunate to have breakfast, lunch and dinner at home together daily due to working from home. No ipads, lots of chat and excellent manners from my 3 & 6 yr old

We dine out twice a month. Kids can have ipads before and after the meal so they get to do something they enjoy if we're in a more adult like venue and my DH and I get to enjoy a glass of wine and catch up on life, but its nice to know there are people in the world, like you, walking past our table forming inaccurate judgements.

Absolutely. I only really get my judgey pants on for parents who let their kids have phones/tablets on full blast in public spaces without headphones. I often wonder if they're the same kind of people who have phone conversations on speaker in the middle of the supermarket.

tbh i wouldn't have packed them so if they had wanted them at dinner/etc then they would literally not have been in the car.

UpTheMagicFarawayTree · Today 10:09
I wouldn't let my child do it, but I'd not be bothered by you having it for yours, as long as there was no volume”

This. No problem at all with iPads - essential on a long car journey. I think it’s really important though to socialise children to restaurants, teach them how to engage in conversation over a meal, really enjoy their food.
Our grandson has been taken to cafes and restaurants since he was tiny. He really enjoys them. We recently stopped at a pavement cafe and he looked at the table and said “where’s the menu, granny?” (aged 3) 🤣

How old are they? I dont get your last sentence. I dont pass comment on how other people are raising their kids unless they are beating them in the street.

I haven't RTFT but I imagine it's divided into those that do and those that don't allow screens. Personally we never did allow screens, and have always had, and still have a strict "no phones at the table" rule (one I wish their grandparents adhered to 🙄).

There is increasing evidence that screen time is detrimental for young children and their emotional development/regulation. How do they learn to behave and engage at table if they've never been expected to do it? If you don't model table manners, then how do they learn any?

I would far rather see children being talked to by their parents, than being 'parented' by a screen - it's REALLY hard work when they are little.

However, I would have judged far harder if they were watching something without headphones. That really irritates me when people do this in a public place (cafe, restaurant, train etc) - it's deeply antisocial.

So you give them screens whan you can't be arsed to teach them/enforce how to behave properly at the table then, you mean?

We compromise. Caveat that mine are both asd/adhd, the oldest quite severely and needs the headphone on as a sensory noise blocker.

We allow them to have them at the table if we're out for a meal, but only while waiting. They're not allowed them on while there is food in front of them/they're eating.

That way, they learn some table manners, we can all have a conversation, but once food is done, they're allowed them back while the adults finish eating.

That being said, its quite obvious my 17yo is disabled in some way, seeing how i always settle him in the corner, bring out his own drink, order for him, end up having a long conversation with the waitress because he also has ARFID, and have to cut his food and remove most of the table cutlery away from him. If some arse wants to be rude about him having his tablet, they'll get told where to stick their commentary.

It's definitely lazy parenting. First, you're not allowing your child to learn to cope with boredom. Second, you yourself are not prepared to cope with them being bored (e.g. having an actual conversation with them).

No, of course it doesn’t. But I, and many others, think it’s a shame to see so many children plugged into a screen. Children are allowed to be bored. Children are allowed to be taught how to behave at a table. If it’s easier for you to use an iPad then fine - nobody really cares that much.

The only people on this thread being mildly resentful are the ‘oooo look at you perfect parents’ lot who can’t seem to accept that other parents may, just may, disagree with your choices. Doesn’t mean we particularly care.

If we weren't going away with friends/relatives who could babysit then we simply wouldn't go out in the evening without the children. We didn't tend to go on holiday to places with babysitting services and, like you, I'd not be particularly comfortable with using them even if we did.

In the absence of babysitters we'd make sure that mealtimes and locations were suited to us having children with us. If that meant we were back at the apartment by 7pm with the kids in bed by 8pm then fair enough. That's when you get to eat the really nice cheese and olives without interruption!

I think its fine, you've paid for a meal and deserve to enjoy it without wrangling bored children. I only think its an issue if that's the norm for you.
There's judgey twats everywhere you go.

I wouldn’t let my kids do it, as they don’t need it and I would prefer for them to chat with us and enjoy the restaurant. BUT I’m not going to care what you do with your kids. As long as they aren’t screaming and running around the restaurant I’m not going to be bothered about someone else’s kids. Got enough on my plate.

Exactly this. I wonder when people who give toddlers IPads/ phones to keep them quiet “because they’re too little to sit” are aiming to withdraw the devices? Wouldn’t it be easier to help the children learn social skills in public from their earliest outings?

I would never comment I might eyeroll if the volume’s up high but I think giving a toddler/ small child an iPad is making a rod for your own back and terrible table manners. Children will behave as well as you let them.

You haven't answered those who asked if someone actually made a judgy comment and what you replied

I think that's the problem these days! A toddler? A restaurant is not really the place for iPads, children for generations have been able to sit at a table and eat without being stimulated, the don't need to be stimulated every second of the day, they need to be able to have down time otherwise they will never relax. Maybe that's part of the problem these days.

If kids this age have their own ipads and headphones then they're probably doing it too much. Sorry, but its really not good for their brains and completely unnecessary

Live and let live. Honestly it’s so easy to make a quick judgement on a situation without knowing the ins and outs.

Kids on iPads 24/7 = bad parents? Probably.

Kids on iPads for small duration of a family holiday = parents using available technology so that everyone can have a relaxing time and parents can have a (god forbid) small amount of relaxation and enjoy a meal.

Before I was a parent I had all sorts of ideas about what I would and wouldn’t do. It’s very difficult when you’re in the thick of it with young kids. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, in fact the more pressure you put on yourself the harder it can often be.

I think the same.
But I personally would only criticise a parent who was giving an ipad to their child at a restaurant if it bothered me directly (e.g. volume issues).

Agree with the posters saying that it’s lazy parenting. Had a lunch out with grandparents and kids yesterday, the kind of multi generational place where it’s fine for kids to sit at a table and not be quiet etc BUT the family behind us had one kid playing on a phone, volume up, and one watching Bluey, volume up at the table.
They were there the same amount of time as us - less than an hour - and didn’t even look up from their devices when the food came.
Had to ask them twice to turn down the volume - please- to much tutting and eye rolling from the parents.

Well done you

No one should judge anyone else for their parenting decisions as none of us are perfect but I agree it’s not great to go from a family meal on holiday to your kids sitting with headphones on not engaging at all with each other or you. It’s also not great for other children in the restaurant to see that. Depending on where you are holidaying it’s also maybe very unusual for locals to see this happen as I get the impression from our travels most kids don’t use iPads at the dinner table. Maybe get some great table games like uno / cards / snap & try that? Your kids will enjoy much more than knowing they are being a nuisance to you wanting a meal with your partner.

And for those of us without close relatives to go on holiday with, where are these babysitters coming from ? If I'm going to be judgemental it would be about letting a perfect stranger look after your DC.

We did use babysitters when DS was young, but stopped after an incident where it seemed highly likely that one had brought her BF into the room. I would far rather have DS in front of me chilling on the iPad than with a random babysitter- plus the cost of minimum 10 euros per hour.

I'm by no means perfect but absolutely hate ipads and phones being used to keep children quiet in restaurants/cafes, it's awful and lazy parenting, even with headphones.

It’s my top pet hate - children staring at screens during family meals ( no, not the SEN ones before someone comes at me).
It does require effort to share a meal with kids sometimes, you have to include them, talk to them, maybe play with them- But how else are they going to learn to socialise properly?