There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

Still waiting on what they actually said to you in the restaurant……

Not for me.
I think it is where you teach them how to eat in restaurants, carry a conversation etc.

Obviously there are exceptions like @Breakfastatlunchtime has pointed out but no-we never allowed it.

If I'm being honest I just think it's a bit sad. Weirdly we managed to bring up 4 kids and take them out with no screens plus doing loads all day. The thing is is that for many families holidays are the only time they sit down regularly for a meal with their kids, some people never eat around the table and many no more than 3 times a week.
Holidays are a chance to do this.

Yes because the children should be part of the conversation. You do realise we had children before iPads were invented and managed after busy days just fine???

What about a child or teen who can get overwhelmed by the sensory aspects of eating out? Tech allows them to sit at the table with other family members, knowing the comfort of the ipad/headphones is available to them if they're getting distressed and need to de-stress.

Have you considered that at all?

It's NOT about them being bored, the opposite in our case.
My DS sees too much, notices details others don't see and can become overwhelmed with the noise too. Worries so much about so many things. The distraction of the tablet is a respite, a safe place.

It's not fair on siblings to stay home all the time. It's not fair on DS himself not to expose him to restaurants and other social situations. Comfort levels do build up with time, but slowly, and things can so easily go wrong. When they go right he really enjoys eating out.

Often, autism isn't obvious to onlookers. We do get judged but I no longer let it worry me much. It does still get to me at times I have to admit, but then I judge those who judge me too.

I didn’t do it because iPads weren’t around when mine were small but I probably would have used screens. No judgement from me.

Your children, your decision, no one else's business.

I remember going for a meal at 9pm on holiday and the waiter seated a family with two small kids right next to us. The kids were so noisy we couldn't hear ourselves think, let alone chat. I wish those parents hadn't been too proud to use devices as it ruined the meal.

Using headphones/ on silent = not my problem.

Is it ideal? No, but the world isn't ideal. Children aren't perfect beings with optimised energy for any situation.

I try to swerve and delay phones coming out (my DCs are older). DS1 is autistic and can get over-hungry or overwhelmed by the surroundings, so there can come a point where the greater good is for him to calm down (more accurately read the warning signs before that point) and be distracted. He's more than capable of articulate conversation and every meal at home is screen-free at the table.

We hadn't got to smart phones (or at least decent ones) and tablets when the DCs were very young pre-2015. We did resort to toys and colouring with limited sucess. There were also a lot of meals (especially unavoidable big family gatherings) where once the main course was eaten, DH and I tag-teamed to go out for a walk or to the car. There was a phase where we swerved eating out as much as possible. Then being careful about where we went for speed, environment and reliability. TBH that still persists. Babysitters have never been freely avaliable to us and we've gone years without access to babysitters.

As a child, I coped with long dinners with a nice socially acceptable book. My children are dyslexic. Reading is hard work even in optimal environments, which eating out is not. Colouring is also not much fun when your hands are hypermobile and hurt easily.
My DCs' difficulties are not visible.
We just try to get the best balance avaliable at any given time.

Hearing other people's screens is really aggravating though. It costs a fair amount of effort to have a civilised family meal out, and enduring someone else's device screeching is deeply selfish and enraging. I don't know what kind of day any other family is having, just don't make it my problem by having the volume up. (OP didn't do this so all is good)

Or going for a family movie?

What was your stance on TV viewing, just out of interest?

I think you are right OP. For me it is all about balance. Too much time on screens is bad, but sometimes everyone just needs to switch their brain off for a bit, both parents and DC. I don't think it will harm anyone allowing screens for a bit so everyone can relax. Especially in a holiday environment, where there is probably more going on than there would be at home.

Absolutely fine if they want a bit of screen time after such a good variety of activities, imho.

I'm surprised at some of the responses on here given that OP is giving her DC lots of different things to do, where's the harm with a small amount of time on devices? It's not like they're spending loads of time doing it. Part of a holiday is having relaxed downtime and not having to be 'on' every single second of the day (kids included) - people don't have to be constantly interacting with their DC on holiday imo, provided they mostly are.

I had my kids before people did this, but I don't judge people who do (as long as they aren't disturbing others.)
For all I know they could have been there twice as long as the people who say they would never do this. The people who would never do it might rush home once the kids get fed up after behaving for a while at the table. For all I know people who proudly never use ipads at the table could be going home and putting the TV on to enable the adults to chat longer, instead of chatting at the restaurant

The worst 'other people with an ipad' experience I ever had was in the waiting room at paediatric a and e with my son. He had broken his foot.
There was a mum and her little boy sitting next to us watching an American stand up comedian on their ipad. Literally every other word was fuck. It was so sweary. And she thought ut was appropriate.
When my husband asked her to not share it with the room she responded that the hospital provided wifi so expected people to watch stuff! We had to point out that it was the content we objected to!

@moomoomouseey as I said, I think there are two parenting camps, and I'm in a different one to you, which is fine!

We have four children - at one point had 4 under 7, and would not have expected to sit through a long meal; we would have got babysitters if we wanted a meal as a couple. When they were little, we interacted, took toys and ate at family friendly restaurants that served food quickly to avoid boredom. We have never allowed screens at the table - (youngest is now early teens), but did expect them to sit and chat or play I spy or something.

I work with young children and have read extensive recent research about the impact of screens; it is not pleasant reading. I would still bring mine up without screens if I was doing it now; however mine are all NT, so I accept there may be different allowances for ND children.

Not for me, I simply wasn't going to be dragging a screen around with me as I don't carry a bag 🤷‍♀️.

I wouldn't expect to sit for two hours on a meal with children. I never brought screens on holiday as I just saw them as a pain, children had them at home for a few games and school app.

They survived without them. I would say it would be difficult to remove them once you have given them.

I give none of the *" what you do, other than the complete twits that permit their darlings to watch crap without headphones, that definitely needs to be clamped down on.

Well I'd rather they were watching iPads then annoying the other guests by crying, running about etc, but it's not an either/or situation. Kids (certainly non-ND kids) ought to be able to sit through a meal without needing to stare at a screen. It's obviously bad for their development (as it's addictive) as well as normalising antisocial behaviour instead of interacting with others. It teaches them that if they don't get instant gratification, they should just make a fuss until they do, and that's normal and fine. Clearly, though, it isn't.

I know this will get defensive reactions, and maybe I'm an annoying Mumsnetter with annoyingly perfect kids but my kids were screen-free until they were 11 and they've turned out OK and never annoyed anyone in a restaurant (apart from me and their dad tbf). I reckon one day we'll look back at giving screens to kids in the same way as we view the old Victorian habit of giving kids a tot of brandy to help them sleep.

I never do it with mine, but everyone can make their own decisions. I know some families that felt really heavily on screen time overall and admit to judging them a little bit in my head even though I feel bad about doing so.

Provided the iPad/phone is quiet (on silent or with headphones), it’s nothing to do with anyone else. They don’t know the circumstances.
I try not to avoid it with my toddler, but don’t judge anyone who does (as long as it’s quiet and I don’t have to listen to peppa pig!).

Do you not get your downtime after the kids are in bed?

As long as the child has headphones you are doing nothing wrong.