Levi Bellfield blocked from having civil partnership in prison

CosmicDaisyChain · 2024-08-02T08:25:36+00:00

[[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c7202ee6z5no https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c7202ee6z5no]] Is it just me? When someone commits the most tortuous and unimaginably horrific murders of women and is highly lightly to have committed many more we just don't know about, given that in some cases these killers of women do sometimes get released what in God's name possesses a woman to want to marry these unspeakable beasts? Is it attention? Do they think they are just special and can save them? Do they feel absolutely nothing for the sheer horror his victims were subjected to with his unspeakable violence solely against women? What makes them think they won't be next? It's just unfathomable to me. What in God's name is wrong with these women?? How can they possibly find anything about this man so attractive they would want to marry him?

SleepwalkingInTesco · 28/08/2024 13:50

Some kind of Bonnie and Clyde fantasy is the most common from what I've seen of the type of women to get tattoos of serial killers/write to them. They are obviously infamous and some people are attracted to that/get something out of feeling like they are the only one a cold-blooded killer will care about.

Kaz1963 · 28/08/2024 13:41

That inhuman excuse for a so called. Human being. Does not understand the word man. Nor human a being. Because if you're a real man. You fight and protect the vulnerable species. You don't go out and pray on the vulnerable. Unless you're a pure animal. And all animals of pray. Should be behind bars. Or if they beg for their freedom. Give them a one way ticket to Sadan or Russia. And say fight your case there. And if at the end of those wars and you're still alive. We as a sovereign state. May think about our country realising you as a free man. But your never allowed to step foot on English sole. If you do.'then you will just be sent back to square one. And goes for all our men on murder charges. If they want to kill. Send to the countries that need killers. To sort and calm the other countries. Because if you want mercenaries . Our prisons are full of them. That just want to go out and kick ass.!

Original poster

CosmicDaisyChain · 06/08/2024 14:54

Remagirl · 06/08/2024 11:22

After reading the awful facts re what he did to Milly Dowler. I would happily put the 'wife to be' in his cell with him for a night and if she's still keen next morning.

See that's my take. I just can't fathom how anyone could possibly read the things he did to those poor girls and just think 'awwwww he's so misunderstood he's lovely!!! XOXOXO!!!!!!'

OP posts:

Remagirl · 06/08/2024 11:22

After reading the awful facts re what he did to Milly Dowler. I would happily put the 'wife to be' in his cell with him for a night and if she's still keen next morning.

Edingril · 06/08/2024 11:12

Whenwillitgetwarm · 02/08/2024 11:14

Even the lowest of the low men know there’s always a woman somewhere who’ll have them.

That can work in reverse too

RareLemur · 06/08/2024 11:08

A couple of things maybe at play regarding the detachment from the crime:

the inmate claims innocence (say like Jeremy Bamber who has had several close female relationships while in prison) and they choose to believe this.
They believe that he has committed the crime but there are extenuating circumstances ( he was acting in self defence/it was an accident, he was drunk/ having a mental breakdown and didn't realise what he was doing, it didn't happen as the prosecution/police said it did....). This is common as inmates know what evidence exists and spin the narrative that makes them look the least guilty, for example Ian Huntley's claims that he didn't murder his victims and that it was all an accident.
they accept that he did commit a terrible crime but it isn't who he is really. "In reality" he is the very attentive, kind and loving man they write and talk to.

In the first instance, there isn't any red flag as he didn't do it (to their mind). In the last 2 it's a mixture of compartmentalising (separating the man from the crime), minimising (there were extenuating circumstances, he was fitted up by the police/prosecution, the victim was somehow responsible,....), along with the belief that only they know the "real" person behind the headlines. The need for validation, attention, love, etc trumps any red flags especially as they don't have to deal with the person on the outside, in a real relationship but behind bars where the normal stresses of a relationship don't apply (money issues, housework, annoying habits....).

Original poster

CosmicDaisyChain · 02/08/2024 13:08

RareLemur · 02/08/2024 12:55

Generally speaking women who enter in these relationships are vulnerable in some way.
There usually is a combination of the following:
Some form of love bombing. These guys have nothing to better to do than find a way to manipulate and exploit their target. Therefore they will be attentive, sweet, kind, model themselves to whatever traits they think will be most attractive.
Some form of themselves being a victim, this can range from they are innocent of the crime they have committed, they had a horrible upbringing, they didn't know what they were doing,.....

For a vulnerable and lonely person, the fact of suddenly being wanted and needed by what appears to be a "soulmate" can deter them of seeing massive red flags.

The pay off for the inmate varies. For people in the US, they are either on Death Row or life without parole, they probably want attention and money.
For the UK, most inmates will at some point be released so they are looking for the above and a place to stay when they come out.

See I can understand all of that totally. What is not so easy to understand is the seeming complete detachment the women concerned appear to have to the unspeakable brutality these men have melted out to women who didn't stand a chance. It just isn't something I think that any rational thinking woman could put out of her mind and maybe that is the answer. It isn't a rational decision to marry someone like that.

OP posts:

RareLemur · 02/08/2024 12:55

Generally speaking women who enter in these relationships are vulnerable in some way.
There usually is a combination of the following:
Some form of love bombing. These guys have nothing to better to do than find a way to manipulate and exploit their target. Therefore they will be attentive, sweet, kind, model themselves to whatever traits they think will be most attractive.
Some form of themselves being a victim, this can range from they are innocent of the crime they have committed, they had a horrible upbringing, they didn't know what they were doing,.....

For a vulnerable and lonely person, the fact of suddenly being wanted and needed by what appears to be a "soulmate" can deter them of seeing massive red flags.

The pay off for the inmate varies. For people in the US, they are either on Death Row or life without parole, they probably want attention and money.
For the UK, most inmates will at some point be released so they are looking for the above and a place to stay when they come out.

Original poster

CosmicDaisyChain · 02/08/2024 12:24

I just saw the headline this morning and thought what the actual ?? How is this even a thing that someone who will never be freed after butchering multiple women is even allowed to marry in prison? Isn't imprisonment meant to be a punishment to remove the basic civil liberties other people on the outside get to enjoy?

OP posts:

JamSandle · 02/08/2024 11:15

The women often have their own mental health issues. I suspect some also like the idea of the man being locked away (can't misbehave in some ways). A fantasy for the avoidantly attached.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 02/08/2024 11:14

Even the lowest of the low men know there’s always a woman somewhere who’ll have them.

HeyTalkToMeGoose · 02/08/2024 11:05

@Icepearl you shouldn't be disclosing those conversations here....anon or not. Did you not sign anything to assure confidentiality?

Original poster

CosmicDaisyChain · 02/08/2024 10:49

Icepearl · 02/08/2024 10:08

I volunteer in prison. When you are there, you put the crimes out of your head and focus on the human being in front of you. You see the unfairness in their lives - for example, most prisoners have some sort of SEN, and many are functionally illiterate. Most have trauma or abuse in their back ground. So you sympathise with this human being who had very few chances in life, and is suffering now. And you try to build them up, encourage them, plan for a better future for them, give them hopes.

Add to this situation, the manipulative skills many have. For some, the only skills they have ever developed. For some, they have relied on wheedling and coaxing trust out of people even to eat on the outside, from childhood up. For some, they find themselves for the first time, possibly the most attractive proposition in the room, when they are used to being the dregs of any social group.

Add to this the fact that some men genuinely change while they are in prison, and make good resolutions and stick to them for life. Some men make good resolutions and stick to them as hard as they can, but fail, fall into temptation, take drugs again, take money the easy way again, drink alcohol again. And some men never make good resolutions but pretend to do so, and I certainly can't tell which is which.

So you have a hopeful optimistic women, used to putting crime out of their mind, interacting with men who have had the worst start in life possible, and you rightly feel sorry for, some of whom will do well, some of whom are skilled manipulative liars, and you can't tell which is which...

Volunteers in prison need careful supervision, and we have to watch ourselves and each other for grooming. We debrief after every visit, and identifying possible grooming is part of that.

If you don't have that careful supervision, yes, I can see how these totally inappropriate relationships happen. It can be lethal both for the man and the woman. I was with a prisoner last night, for example, who's whole hopes and plans for the future are based on moving in with his "missus" and how she is going to help him get back on his feet and turn his life around, He is going to get qualifications and a job, and they will raise a family. I was some way into this conversation when it came out casually that these two people have not ever actually met in the flesh yet. They are both fantasising, and the outcome is likely to be devastating for both of them

This is a fascinating insight thank you. I just have to think there would still be something very wrong in the thinking of anyone who could even for a fraction of a second put the actions of someone like Bellfield out of their minds and just look at the person. I just couldn’t detach the crimes from the man. I just think some people are beyond redemption. Of course it also goes beyond just the woman.

OP posts:

Lucytheloose · 02/08/2024 10:42

Unfortunately, there are a few women who will do literally anything to acquire the 'status' of having a partner or husband.

timenowplease · 02/08/2024 10:36

I always presumed some serious mental health/neglect/narc issues coupled with a very extreme 'fawn response'.

Icepearl · 02/08/2024 10:34

Edingril · 02/08/2024 10:30

Would be great if this much care went into victims of crimes

And criminals have a choice

Show quote history

Many prisoners have had no choices in life. Most prisoners are also victims of crimes. Often as defenceless children. The prisoner I was with last night has a medical history that should have meant he was taken from his family at 3 months at the latest. Instead he lived with constant abuse until he ran away at 14. Of course, straight into the loving arms of cannabis dealers. He has no education, can't read, has since coming into prison been diagnosed with ADHD, suffers paranoia related to the cannabis, and basically, was BORN with no hope. Of course he deserves a chance. He has never had one.

Edingril · 02/08/2024 10:30

Icepearl · 02/08/2024 10:08

I volunteer in prison. When you are there, you put the crimes out of your head and focus on the human being in front of you. You see the unfairness in their lives - for example, most prisoners have some sort of SEN, and many are functionally illiterate. Most have trauma or abuse in their back ground. So you sympathise with this human being who had very few chances in life, and is suffering now. And you try to build them up, encourage them, plan for a better future for them, give them hopes.

Add to this situation, the manipulative skills many have. For some, the only skills they have ever developed. For some, they have relied on wheedling and coaxing trust out of people even to eat on the outside, from childhood up. For some, they find themselves for the first time, possibly the most attractive proposition in the room, when they are used to being the dregs of any social group.

Add to this the fact that some men genuinely change while they are in prison, and make good resolutions and stick to them for life. Some men make good resolutions and stick to them as hard as they can, but fail, fall into temptation, take drugs again, take money the easy way again, drink alcohol again. And some men never make good resolutions but pretend to do so, and I certainly can't tell which is which.

So you have a hopeful optimistic women, used to putting crime out of their mind, interacting with men who have had the worst start in life possible, and you rightly feel sorry for, some of whom will do well, some of whom are skilled manipulative liars, and you can't tell which is which...

Volunteers in prison need careful supervision, and we have to watch ourselves and each other for grooming. We debrief after every visit, and identifying possible grooming is part of that.

If you don't have that careful supervision, yes, I can see how these totally inappropriate relationships happen. It can be lethal both for the man and the woman. I was with a prisoner last night, for example, who's whole hopes and plans for the future are based on moving in with his "missus" and how she is going to help him get back on his feet and turn his life around, He is going to get qualifications and a job, and they will raise a family. I was some way into this conversation when it came out casually that these two people have not ever actually met in the flesh yet. They are both fantasising, and the outcome is likely to be devastating for both of them

Would be great if this much care went into victims of crimes

And criminals have a choice

DazedNotConfused1 · 02/08/2024 10:28

I think it’s that they want to think of being the only one the killer loves/wouldn’t harm. That they are special in some way the other women weren’t.

GinAndBeerIt · 02/08/2024 10:24

You get the notoriety without the shallow grave.
They need psychiatric help.

Floogal · 02/08/2024 10:19

You do get these weird women who become besotted with murderers (Ian Huntley, Peter Sutcliffe etc). The best one had to be Kate and Roberta Kray. Crime authors. Despite the fact that Ronnie was openly gay.

Lilysgoneshopping · 02/08/2024 10:16

Probably attention seeking. Look at meeeee!!! I married a vile serial killer!! I can save him!! I can redeem him..
It was reported that Peter Sutcliffe had a large fan base of women who used to write to him. Some even visited him I believe!!
P.S. hasn't Belfield converted to Islam?

Icepearl · 02/08/2024 10:08

I volunteer in prison. When you are there, you put the crimes out of your head and focus on the human being in front of you. You see the unfairness in their lives - for example, most prisoners have some sort of SEN, and many are functionally illiterate. Most have trauma or abuse in their back ground. So you sympathise with this human being who had very few chances in life, and is suffering now. And you try to build them up, encourage them, plan for a better future for them, give them hopes.

Add to this situation, the manipulative skills many have. For some, the only skills they have ever developed. For some, they have relied on wheedling and coaxing trust out of people even to eat on the outside, from childhood up. For some, they find themselves for the first time, possibly the most attractive proposition in the room, when they are used to being the dregs of any social group.

Add to this the fact that some men genuinely change while they are in prison, and make good resolutions and stick to them for life. Some men make good resolutions and stick to them as hard as they can, but fail, fall into temptation, take drugs again, take money the easy way again, drink alcohol again. And some men never make good resolutions but pretend to do so, and I certainly can't tell which is which.

So you have a hopeful optimistic women, used to putting crime out of their mind, interacting with men who have had the worst start in life possible, and you rightly feel sorry for, some of whom will do well, some of whom are skilled manipulative liars, and you can't tell which is which...

Volunteers in prison need careful supervision, and we have to watch ourselves and each other for grooming. We debrief after every visit, and identifying possible grooming is part of that.

If you don't have that careful supervision, yes, I can see how these totally inappropriate relationships happen. It can be lethal both for the man and the woman. I was with a prisoner last night, for example, who's whole hopes and plans for the future are based on moving in with his "missus" and how she is going to help him get back on his feet and turn his life around, He is going to get qualifications and a job, and they will raise a family. I was some way into this conversation when it came out casually that these two people have not ever actually met in the flesh yet. They are both fantasising, and the outcome is likely to be devastating for both of them

Edingril · 02/08/2024 10:03

In prison or not there are desperate women about, some deliberately write to them then believe they are innocent because the criminal wrote a letter and said so

There are twisted men and women in the world

VerityUnreasonble · 02/08/2024 10:01

Not murderers specifically, but there is a very trashy reality TV show called Love after Lockup, which has lots of people who met their partners as prison penpals then meeting in real life. It's very sad how much the non-convict partners obviously struggle with "normal" relationships for various reasons, most of them seem to need therapy a lot more than they need a prison penpal.

Zebedee999 · 02/08/2024 10:00

It's not just women wanting relations with prisoners, but also criminals and thugs on the street often have a few kids by different women... what attracts women to men like this? I can only assume these women like to be victims or have very low self esteem.