Family reported my husband to Adult Social Services

It’s been eight years. I think you should let each other go. Your marriage is over. Lay it to rest and move on.

I only asked about the alcohol because a friend of mine who is a hoarder and drinks daily now . Started to help with anxiety but now she is trying to cope with two big problems. But won't speak to any professional.

I think you aren’t recognising that even before your breakdown he was hurting you

I think as someone who came from an abusive family I can understand why you are having a hard time recognising that your dh didn’t suddenly change, he has always been abusive.
We don’t recognise it as abuse because we only see what our family did as abuse and we need to have someone point out the abuse comes in all different shapes and sizes and explain why it is abusive and argue with you because even then we more than likely don’t believe it

The duvet incident is proof that he hasn’t suddenly changed into this mean, selfish, financially and emotionally abusive person He was always like this and you not wanting to believe or not recognising the abuse keep defending him because you feel it was you who raised your voice, you who rocked the boat, you who now cannot work and you who is reliant on him

But it was him who made your life so restricted, him who applied the pressure, him who now has what he wanted, someone who is reliant on him and captive.

I actually think you could be in therapy for the rest of your life because you still have the cause of your breakdown living with you. He is still dripping the poison into your ear each day

It’s like treating a sore finger without removing the thorn sticking out from it.

No amount of ointments and bandaging and treatment will make your finger better until that thorn is removed

One positive of divorcing a mean money focussed person that you have been married to for a few years is that what ever they have in their bank account, what every they own, whatever pension, investments, savings etc they have as well as everything you have is all marital assets and the starting point is 50/50

I know you aren’t going to be marching into a solicitors office on Monday morning but in the meantime I would start by getting evidence, bank account numbers and what he has in each account, what his pension is worth and any other monies he has in different accounts and places.
What your mortgage is, who’s names are on the deeds etc and also if you can look up the Freedom programme.

There are also books to read. Someone will come along with the correct title and author but I think it is called “Why does he do that”and start reading this in secret.

I would try and get a copy where there isn’t any possibility he can track what you have bought and sent to your work to read in your lunch time

Are you the dodgy psychologist? Because no - any proper medical professional would have passed her onto another by now.

You don’t know it’s not working and that OP is not already better than she was. Childhoods like OP’s leave people traumatised for life. Long term trauma is something that is very very difficult to heal from. In addition here there is also a psychotic breakdown. No pill that will magic either of those things away.

Not in the slightest. But the OP has been stuck for eight years - whatever she’s been doing it’s not working.

Ah right and so on the basis of that you think OP should get a shift on.

Simply time. The psychosis went away quite quickly - within weeks.
He wouldn’t engage with services - so didn’t have any involved. He’s totally and utterly fine now - but I do worry it could recur - but this was about five years ago.

Can I ask have either of you ever used alcohol to cope with the trauma/mental health problems?
I agree with others who have said maybe your therapist isn't right for you .
You sound like you are going round in circles.

You said you had an elite job 🤯

Hmm 10 -15 years while paying them for how many sessions a week/month?

I live with someone who had a psychotic break. I know this- but her “therapist” is not helping her - if anything that relationship sounds just as damaging as the others.

You’ll never find all the answers.m and once again your therapist/psychologist or whatever should be helping you to move on - not getting you trying to dig deeper and deeper.

Get a new therapist or take a break for a while.

Woah woah, breakdowns as severe as OP had - take a long time to recover and some people never do. Give her a break. She’s clearly worked through a lot of stuff already.

She’s doing the best she can with what she has and is already inclined to blame herself.

Recovery doesn’t happen to any particular timetable.

you’ve been examining your childhood in therapy for eight years. That hasn’t got you any further. You need to do something different.

You’re more than stuck - your posts make it sounds like literally nothing has happened in 8 years. “I should have got Spotify” you can literally get it right now.

Absolutely OP. Your childhood was terrible. You did an amazing job of coping for so long.

It would have.

And if it didn’t “get you” it would still have been there, dormant.