Why does old friend do this?

Agree with this tbh
It doesn't have to be as it was before friendships evolve with job changes, house moves, kids if you want them to

It's just normal life

People come and go. Especially work colleagues

Why did you ghost her? She moved away!

I have loads of friends on SM that I've drifted from in real life but if anyone gets in touch, I won't push them away

I now see friendship as being about what you do rather than what you are. It means I don't see the point in people who consider you one of their friends while not actually doing any friend type things like contacting you or meeting up now and then.

I don't blame you for moving on and prioritising people that can actually be bothered rather than someone who didn't for a long time.

This is what friendship often is as adults. I've got a few friends who I don't see very often, we don't text or even sm much for months or quite often years. Then a message will spark a conversation and we'll meet up and it's like we've never been apart.
It feels like you didn't really want this friendship that much anyway because you didn't verbalise how you were feeling too your friend.

Your lives took different paths for a while. You wanted more than the sound give. It sounds like now she finally has more time to herself and has decided to try and reconnect. It's up to you how you respond.

You had a good, strong friendship and then distance changed things, as it does. Perhaps she didn't realise you felt neglected by her; perhaps she WAS a bit neglectful and is now trying to remedy that...but whatever the case, she obviously doesn't realise that your friendship is 'clearly' dead or that she's been superseded by 'amazing' new friends.
I guess if you want to sever the acquaintance completely you either have to spell it out to her or block her on everything and let her get the message.
Another option might be to give the friendship another chance but with different expectations this time.

But OP didn’t do any phasing out. If anything OP “matched the energy” as many advise.

if OP had the discussion, she’d be accused of being “intense”.

I suspect OP was hoping for some understanding. Some people do understand it OP. I found @TheYearOfSmallThings comment admitting to being the one who expected the other to make an effort to be very useful btw

I've said the same. OP. It's up to you what you do but you just seem to want everyone to agree with you.

Yes. You were hurt she was in touch less, so instead of discussing that with her you phased her out. That would have been hurtful, and in my book real friends don't do that. I'm not saying her behaviour was perfect either, but two wrongs don't make a right.

How has OP been mean?

It sounds like you've been quite mean to her, if I'm honest.

What is it you want people to say op?

Whatever you want to do is fine.

Personally I think it's plausible a mum with 4 kids has only stuck her head up now for breathing space and didn't have any for the 5 years. But if you're too hurt or intense then just let it die

A lot of people like the idea of having friends but not the reality - by which I mean putting in some actual effort. They like the appearance of “oh yeah, I have lots of friends” but don’t really give two shits about the friends on their list, so token, insincere, messages are their way of keeping in touch with zero effort.

Well, you could ask her why she’s now increased contact having done so little over the years.

But as it seems you don’t want to stay in contact you could just say that as she’d contacted you so little over the years you’ve lost any connection you felt to her and won’t be staying in touch as she is pretty much a stranger to you now

Gosh I do. I have a close set of “home” friends who I see fairly regularly when life isn’t chaotic (once a month minimum) but honestly with working full time and 2 DC my weeks just disappear into each other?! Some friends I don’t see for months on end but when we do it’s lovely. It’s hard organising dates when everyone is free!

Wow, I hope I don’t have any friends like this, there’s university friends who I haven’t seen in 5+ years! I haven’t met their DC and they haven’t met mine. Life happens? And, have you forgotten that we had a global pandemic 4 years ago which made travel and meeting up pretty difficult for 2 years? Lastly she has 4 DC.

YANBU to be a bit hurt by her saying she will meet up when visiting your area and then not, but did you chase her up when she was around? If she was visiting with DC, maybe her visiting time was full up with seeing close family and other good friends. Out of sight out of mind is very real, I don’t remember to message many friends on a regular basis, but that’s the beauty of SM for me, I love to see their posts of what they’re up to and their DC, and it’s easy to comment on those sort of posts because each one is an instant reminder of that friend.

I feel same as you op. Perhaps she is not as invested in friendship. I feel I outgrew some friends after covid. I think I would keep the messages polite but wouldnt meet no not after 5 yrs passed

OP she is not a friend. You're just a name in her contact list who every now and again she'll message to remind herself how many " friends" she has. An ego boost of sorts. A bit like people who have hundreds of " friends " on Facebook, they're anything but in name only. You sound like a really decent person, don't waste time and energy giving her anymore thought. Remember the good times as cherished memories, but don't do yourself the disservice of maintaining contact in order to feed her ego.

I think you're being entirely unrealistic to think that someone with 4 kids (or 2, then 4) who moved away is going to maintain the same level of contact with you as when you were living in the same place and working together.

Did you ever visit her? Especially before you had your child?

What a load of fuss over nothing!

OP, you seem determined to view your friend in the worst possible light. You don't seem open to accepting the fact that most people view friendships differently to the way you seem to. I'm not sure what the point your thread is, to be honest.